Monkeywatch - November 2010

[monkeyman]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap, and welcome to another trek around the titillations of Thailand's tinsel town.

 

In the recent police mini-crackdown on Beach Road freelancers, it was suggested that targeting the customers was the way to solve the problem. Well, here's a better idea. Do more to encourage the customers, because when every freelancer on Beach Road has a customer, then there aren't any girls on Beach Road. Problem solved, everybody happy, job done.

 

Eleven people were hurt at the Sunbeam Hotel in Central Pattaya last week when their lift threw a wobbler and plummeted down six floors. A spokesman said the incident was regrettable, while pointing out that it was very rare for anyone in Pattaya to plummet down the inside of a hotel as they normally tend to favour the outside.

 

Just to prove the point, a Thai Customs Officer has been found dead after falling 19 floors (down the outside) from a condo in Jomtien. A police spokesman said they were working on the theory that someone may have had a grudge against the officer because of her profession and two million people were helping them with their enquiries.

 

Pattaya Sports Council is proud to announce that the stadium for this year's Flea Olympics has been completed on schedule…

 

 

Bar news now, and in last month's Monkeywatch we reported that Sakura Club 69 had reopened on October 1 and we'd give you the closure date as soon as it was announced. Well, it closed on October 24. And you thought we were kidding (yeah, okay, so did we). Sin City has resurfaced as Club Relaxxx, Carousel A Go Go has reopened, and there's another new Go Go opening soon on Soi LK Metro on the site of the Blue Moon Bar, though it doesn't appear to have a name yet. The biggest development in the pipeline is that Soho Square is to be turned into a huge venue called White, which will reportedly be the largest disco in South East Asia. Much like The Pleasure Dome was going to be the biggest Go Go in Thailand?

 

A bar girl came running out of the toilet the other week screaming that there was a cockroach in the cubicle. Well I was impressed. In most countries the little buggers just shit anywhere.

 

A Cambodian man was shot and another given a good kicking when they were set upon by a gang of about 20 Thai chaps recently. The police think it may have been a case of mistaken identity as "all Cambodians look the same to us".

 

Construction work on a Pattaya hotel had to be suspended last week after one of the contractor's cranes developed erectile dysfunction…

 

 

A Pakistani who systematically robbed several bar girls of their money, jewellery and mobile phones at knifepoint was arrested by Pattaya Police last week. This must be one of the 'quality tourists' that Pattaya is always bending over backwards to attract. Makes a change from Iranians I suppose.

 

Well no, actually it doesn't, as two Iranians were arrested last week after being caught stealing goods from Big C. They apparently bought a bag of stuff then went back later with the empty bag and stole items like deodorant and razor blades worth 80,000 baht. Big C obviously isn't the place to go for cheap toiletries then. One of the arrested men was rumoured to be the notorious thief known as 'The Persian Rug' because of his bad toupee.

 

Fruit and vegetable prices in Pattaya have been soaring recently. This is mainly the result of bad weather in the East of Thailand, though it is believed that the price of bananas has been particularly affected due to a shortage caused by increased demand from local Go Go Bars.

 

This could be the ideal venue if you're fed up of enjoying with misery…

 

 

The Royal Thai Police have been at it in Patts again, this time raiding a beauty salon in Soi Buakhow. The manager was apparently arrested and charged under the Trades Descriptions Act after several staff and customers were found to be ugly.

 

The raid season continued at Tepprasit Road Weekend Market, where officers from The Region 2 Center for Prevention and Suppression of Intellectual Property Violations (catchy little name) seized a large quantity of counterfeit goods such as watches, bags and sunglasses. They later raided Walking Street and seized an equally large quantity of counterfeit women.

 

And remember, a showgirl may cost you that little bit more but at least you won't need to buy a bottle opener.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[danboy]

COP COON CRAP MONKEY

[Big_Brian]

COP COON CRAP MONKEY

 

Whoa, four words and all insults, but together they are a compliment. Impressive.

[MeGoDanceNow]

Nice work as always O Simian of the Seaside. Thanks.

[IMHO]

Pretty good soundbites,

 

IMHO

[Sailfast]

Funny, as expected

Thanks.