Politically incorrect jokes

[Bazle 1,503]

In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one point. The question was where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, the correct answer is Africa.

 

I've heard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new children's iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.

 

There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in Toronto but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets.

 

You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.

 

Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche & mentioned it on FaceBook. I said "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 4000 Muslims have added me as a friend!!

 

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk. "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."

To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard.”

 

The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and ask if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our hose only reaches to the bottom of the garden.

[Evil Penevil 7,628]

Two more:

 

To save money, a town government in the U.S. outsourced its Suicide Help Line to Pakistan. The first time a town resident called the line and said he felt like committing suicide, the operator got all excited and asked him if he knew how to drive a truck.

 

Two Palestinian mothers are watching their pre-school children on a playground on the Gaza Strip.

"You really have to appreciate them while they're young," one said to the other. "They blow up so quickly nowadays."

 

Evil

[Gawd Elpus 798]

Does Politically Incorrect equate to racism ???? Just a thought, carry on

[berettakid 26]

Does Politically Incorrect equate to racism ???? Just a thought, carry on

The other jokes were funny but this one not so good

 

Two Englishmen - businessmen in London - were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.

 

One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some thick tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling."

 

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Scotsman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a broad Scottish accent asked, "What are you selling here?"

 

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling arseholes."

 

Without skipping a beat, the Scotsman said, "You are doing well. Only two left!"

[Evil Penevil 7,628]

Does Politically Incorrect equate to racism ???? Just a thought, carry on

 

Joking about extreme forms of Islamism is not racism, any more than joking about fundamentalist Christians, Buddhists, Jews or Hindus would be racism. But on the practical level, it's hard to come up with jokes about Christian or Buddhist suicide bombers. For it to be funny, humor has to be anchored in reality.

 

Evil

[Bushcraft 2,591]

Reminds me of the scene outside King's Cross station in London in the 80s. A down-and-out was sitting on the pavement begging, with a sign around his neck: Wounded in the Falklands.

Two city gents saw him, reached into their wallets, each extracted a 20-pound note, gave these to him and walked on.

The man called after them: "Gracias senores".

Oh the irony of it.

[Happy Knackers 22]

Q. Why did the feminist cross the road?

 

A. Because I fuckin told her to.

[berettakid 26]

My Grandad said " its going to be a nightmare this year with this Flu outbreak"

 

i said " tell me something i dont know "

 

Grandad Replied " your Nanna`s arse can take a whole fist !"

[MCCREADY8 0]

The other jokes were funny but this one not so good

 

Two Englishmen - businessmen in London - were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.

 

One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some thick tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling."

 

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Scotsman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a broad Scottish accent asked, "What are you selling here?"

 

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling arseholes."

 

Without skipping a beat, the Scotsman said, "You are doing well. Only two left!"

[mcan 0]

What's a thousand batterd women got in common. They just wont FUCKING LISTEN.

[carling 8]

I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage.

A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days'

I told him 'I wish I had your f**king will power'

 

 

 

Top tip; if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex.

Wish me luck; I appear in court next Monday.

 

 

I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today.

Apparently the instruction 'finish off on her face' didn't mean what I thought it did.

 

 

I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Paki's" were not the correct answers.

 

 

A fat girl served me food in McDonald's at lunch time. She said 'sorry about the wait.'

I said 'don't worry fatty, you're bound to lose it eventually '

 

 

I walked past an abo kid sitting at a Bus Stop as I came out of the Bank. He looked at me and said 'Any Change'

I said 'Nope! You’re still Black'

 

 

Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight.

I thought to myself “fat chance with a face like that!”

 

An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road.

A man asks ‘What is wrong’??

The boy says ‘Me ma is dead’

‘Oh bejaysus’ the man says ‘Do you want me to call Father O’Riley for you’??

The boy replies ‘No tanks mister, Sex is the last ting on my moind at the moment’.

 

 

 

I have a new pick up line that works every time. It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner & I always end up in bed with them.

 

Here's how it goes 'Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'

 

 

Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!

 

 

 

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself ‘I’m having that’

 

 

Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him ‘Where am I’??

The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back ‘Ya canna kid me ya flash bastard. You’re in that feckin basket’.

 

 

I had a Trivia competition shot to pieces until the last question which I got wrong. The question was “Where do women have the curliest hair”??

 

The answer I should have given was “Fiji”