Aged parents

[flighty 31]

The only reason I am still living in UK and not Thailand is because 90 year old mother, had a stroke, now needs help, eg shopping, emptying bin etc. So I go over there most other days. Now she has a neighbour, similar age, bedridden, gets hoisted out of bed 4 times a day, and has been for the last 4 years! Just wondered how elderly relatives have impacted on members... or have all your old'uns been parked away in a home...

[jacko 8,778]

Oooh a conscience puller.

I have one elderly parent, fortunately still capable... but the future may bring such concerns.

My siblings may help, well one of them, but I am unsure that will suffice.

I commend you for taking care of your mother though. I have this feeling at the back of my mind that at some point in the future, I may have to pull up my Thailand roots, and do similar.

Edited January 15, 2011 by jacko

[bratpack 91]

I am very lucky realy,as my brother lives with his thai wife at my mums.She is able but 83 and they look after her realy well.My dad died oct 2009,very suddenly.

[cebual 31]

As Children it is our duty to take care of our elderly parents...they cared for us....You will be amazed at how much your life will be blessed if you take care of your parents so that they can live in their own home with dignity and peace of mind

[Fondles 94]

she has a neighbour, similar age, bedridden, gets hoisted out of bed 4 times a day

 

How does she get back in the bed and why does she head there so often ?

[biggles 509]

I used to head back to australia every two months to visit with my mother who was healthy at 85, lived alone and took care of herself very well in a retirement village. Within 18 months her health had declined so badly that she had to go into a nursing home firstly, then the special care facility and she eventually passed away a year ago aged 87. It can be a tough road, especially if, like me you are the only child. You want to get on with your life and make the most of those years still available to you, yet you want to do the right thing by your parent.

[bratpack 91]

I used to head back to australia every two months to visit with my mother who was healthy at 85, lived alone and took care of herself very well in a retirement village. Within 18 months her health had declined so badly that she had to go into a nursing home firstly, then the special care facility and she eventually passed away a year ago aged 87. It can be a tough road, especially if, like me you are the only child. You want to get on with your life and make the most of those years still available to you, yet you want to do the right thing by your parent.

 

 

I feel for you mate.I am lucky with having 2 brothers around,one living with mum and one down the road from her.When my dad died oct 09,i felt very guilty of only seeing him for a couple of weeks every year for 7 years,and i told my mum this.She said my dad was chuffed that i had retired at 50 and found happiness,that made me feel much better

[Bazle 1,452]

I used to head back to australia every two months to visit with my mother who was healthy at 85, lived alone and took care of herself very well in a retirement village. Within 18 months her health had declined so badly that she had to go into a nursing home firstly, then the special care facility and she eventually passed away a year ago aged 87. It can be a tough road, especially if, like me you are the only child. You want to get on with your life and make the most of those years still available to you, yet you want to do the right thing by your parent.

I could have written that! Only child, mother in nursing home, passed away 12 months ago.

 

I have to add another thought here, one that I'm not proud of. My mother had Alzheimers and her quality of life was not good. I felt I could not move on in life whilst she was alive. I thought it would be best for us both if she was not alive and, although very sad when she passed away, I was greatly relieved.

[berettakid 26]

Good post !

my dad is 72 and mum 68, they still enjoy their lives this Christmas the spent it in Benidorm, myself aged 42 and preparing to live overseas, pensions etc

i am just not happy here, i tried playing happy families with a wife and a child, but my ex wanted her millionaire so she found him and took my house aswell

 

no the rest of my life i will have to be a little more selfish and plan for my future, the great thing about being single, i can wank when i want, fart in bed, pick my nose, have a wank, watch what i want on tv, have a wank, see the world and have a wank

[rogero 4]

I used to head back to australia every two months to visit with my mother who was healthy at 85, lived alone and took care of herself very well in a retirement village. Within 18 months her health had declined so badly that she had to go into a nursing home firstly, then the special care facility and she eventually passed away a year ago aged 87. It can be a tough road, especially if, like me you are the only child. You want to get on with your life and make the most of those years still available to you, yet you want to do the right thing by your parent.

 

This is a great post & I can identify with all of it.

My folks (both born 1921) had a family history of longevity but both fell ill with cancer, first my dad which involved a long series of hospital visits/tests/xrays etc. which obviously were taxing & emotionally stressful.

I was the only son on the spot although my 2 brothers working in other countries, occasionally came across for brief visits.

 

Basically I felt trapped & unable to miss a single hospital visit as I had a stream of phone calls every night with family friends wanting the latest update. Imagine saying I didn't make it today !

 

When my dad passed on, it was only a month or so later when my mum also contracted cancer & the same painful procedure played out its vicious cycle. You feel so helpless.

 

After a period of time and everything was resolved a friend of mine said you're now free.

I thought it was quite callous but on reflection he was right.

 

Since then I am spending more & more time in LOS & getting back whats left of my life.

 

Sorry if I seem selfish but I have to be realistic.

 

cheers rogero :whistling:

[flighty 31]

Interesting replies.

Berettakid's parents if they made it to 68 and 72 quite likely have another 20 years...I have met people at 70 in Patt who still have 90 year old parents...one in five alive today in the West will reach 100 apparently.

Fondles I'm not sure of the gory details about the bedridden one!

Thing also is the cost of care homes, if they have over £23,000 apart from their home they pay, and how! losely speaking. Of course in the past the aged parents used to stay with their children's family, sitting quietly in the corner knitting or making lacy round things, grinding their gums...

Thank you for your comment cebual.

[flighty 31]

Well guys it's moved on from the original post. Mum had another stroke. Partial blame goes to her local doc who didn't come out; the warning signs were there, and to me who didn't push for attention ferom the doc for her. Anyway I doubt she'll ever speak again and we're paying 4k a month for care. If anyone in UK has similar concerns pm me, there's things that need to be place to help you, next of kin.

Fondles as I understand the hoisting still goes on, you might say she is 'highly strung'.

[lovedog100 1,372]

Well guys it's moved on from the original post. Mum had another stroke. Partial blame goes to her local doc who didn't come out; the warning signs were there, and to me who didn't push for attention ferom the doc for her. Anyway I doubt she'll ever speak again and we're paying 4k a month for care. If anyone in UK has similar concerns pm me, there's things that need to be place to help you, next of kin.

Fondles as I understand the hoisting still goes on, you might say she is 'highly strung'.

After my mom had her last stroke, we had to put her in a care facility for $8,000 a month. After living in Thailand and knowing men that went through the same thing, I should have done it different. The man that lived across from me had a Thai girl take very good care of him, one on one attention. I think that he got better care than my mom for a fraction of the cost.

 

I would say that my mom would have been happier if I would have brought her to Thailand and hired someone to take care of her. I lived in a different state at the time, and my brother that lived walking distance away from her, yet couldn't be bothered. My mom did not want to live her last years in a care facility. They had the state minimum of one employee per six residence. Wish I would have stepped up to the plate, and taken her to Thailand with me.

 

Think about it. You could get a condo close to the hospital, and look in on her when ever you wanted. I'm not sure about your country, but Thai's take care of the elderly a whole lot better than Americans do. Their whole attitude is different. Even if you rented a house, put a Thai woman in it for 6,000 baht a month, plus room and board, she would probably get much better care, for a whole lot less, and you could live where you want. In Thailand.

Edited June 18, 2012 by lovedog100

[TheFiend 1,181]

I'm coming up to 50, my parents are both still alive and in their late 70's. I have a brother but 3 years ago he fucked off to live in Scotland with his wife (soon to be ex-wife) and has no intention of ever moving back. So I am now the only family my parents have left living locally. Because of this I won't leave them with no one to look after them.

[bigmick 840]

I'm coming up to 50, my parents are both still alive and in their late 70's. I have a brother but 3 years ago he fucked off to live in Scotland with his wife (soon to be ex-wife) and has no intention of ever moving back. So I am now the only family my parents have left living locally. Because of this I won't leave them with no one to look after them.

 

I have lived in Thailand for close to 8 years now and both my parents are still alive and live in the UK. I make a point to bring them both to Thailand each year sometimes twice, they love it there and always have a great time. I have offered for them to come to live with me and have offered to hire a maid to help out also. My mum and dad dont want to, they like it where they are and have all their friends and grandchildren etc around them. I am lucky knowing i have a great sister who also takes care of them. But i would bring them to live with me in a heart beat if they changed their minds. I have taken both of them into WS and they had a great time and said it was very funny. I was really impressed when i sat them at Rolling Stone bar, how well the girls made a fuss of them and took real good care of them. I like the way Thailand has raised its children to have such high respect for the elderly

[mackllinvinger 0]

yes you are ery lucky.

[Obsession 571]

I have to stay in the UK because of my elderly father. My sister and I split the visits between us so he isn't alone any full day. I couldn't leave him , just to chase third world sex workers. It just doesn't seem right.

My friends father is in a home at £2400 a month and her mother is on her last legs. Her father barely knows who she is. She is knackered at having to visit them at different locations every day and do everything for her mother.

[samfreeland 64]

My grandfather is 91 this year he got married again when he was 82.He still mows the lawn and does the books for the RSL. He recently moved to victoria from the gold coast as its cooler. He has a great sense of humour when he meets men in there seventies he will say how you going young fella. I think he is trying to out live the qeen and prince phillip. He was the shortest man in the household cavalry.

Edited September 1, 2012 by samfreeland

[oddball 55]

My parents are 71 father 65 mother, I am an only child. They are very active at the moment but I know in time this will change. I wont leave them alone to fend for themselves or put them into a care home. I will stay with them till they go on their final journey