Monkeywatch - July 2013

[monkeyman 1,537]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for looking in, and welcome to this month’s dive into the delights of destination debauchery. Game on.

 

Police were called to South Pattaya a few Saturdays ago after a woman complained that a man had been filming her in a public toilet cubicle through a vent in one of the walls. The man ran off when she spotted him but the silly bugger left his work shirt behind, which identified him as an employee of a Walking Street Go Go Bar. When the police turned up at the bar and arrested him, the man said he’d committed the offence as he rarely got to see naked women as his girlfriend had left him and of course, as everyone knows, nudity isn’t allowed in Go Go Bars.

 

A body of a shoe-shiner who’d had his head bashed in was found up by Tesco-Lotus the other Monday. A witness said he’d seen the deceased having an argument with a man the previous day. The man was apparently furious that the shoe-shiner had begun polishing away without even asking first - and without noticing that the man was wearing flip flops. Police are investigating.

 

Now Thailand’s plans to host a Formula One Grand Prix in Bangkok have been well and truly knocked on the head by city officials, perhaps Pattaya should make a bid for the event. Formula One is of course enjoying a resurgence of interest in Pattaya since they started using footage of Romain Grosjean’s races as a training film for baht bus drivers.

 

Irresponsible holidaymakers continue to cause problems for Pattaya’s hard working jet ski operators. It cost some Indian nutter 200,000 baht to get this appalling damage repaired…

 

 

The relaunch has been announced of Thailand Elite, the high-end traveller scheme that previously collapsed in a maelstrom of disarray and litigation. The scheme, which originally targeted wealthy westerners, is this time being aimed at emerging markets such as Russia, China and India. The idea is apparently to “raise the level of visitor arrivals to new heights”. The only way they’ll raise that lot to new heights is to make them walk around on stilts. Unbelievable.

 

But then that’s the trouble with Pattaya these days – full of bloody foreigners. It was bad enough when the foreigners were all Thais, but these days the sods come from everywhere, be it Russia, China, India or any number of countries in Eastern Europe without a vowel between them. About time they deported the whole bloody lot (okay, we’ll let the Thais off that one.)

 

An Australian quality tourist was arrested after he threw a rock though the window of a taxi following an altercation with the driver on Pattaya Klang. Police released him after he agreed to pay 20,000 baht compensation, which they assured him was very reasonable figure as it was far less than the cost of repairing a scratch on a jet ski.

 

One wonders what the average Pattaya lady would make of this little list from a PI bar. One thing’s for sure – a girl with 650 pesos to her name can do anything she bloody well likes…

 

 

Time for bar news, and the soon to be opening Crystal club on Soi LK Metro, which was originally touted to be a Go Go but then changed to a nightclub, now seems to have reverted to a Go Go. We’ll find out for sure when it opens – probably as a coyote bar. Its next-door neighbour is to become Bachelor A Go Go, and the old MASH A Go Go is being relaunched as Angelwitch 2. Club Blu is not going to be a ladyboy bar after all, but will instead reopen as Fun House A Go Go. Hot And Cold has been busted for employing underage staff, which probably means anyone under 40 in that place. Over on Walking Street, the old Carousel A Go Go on Soi Diamond is to reopen as Dream A Go Go, and Beach Club has abandoned table dancing in favour of a traditional Go Go layout. Let’s hope coyote dancing gets consigned to the same dustbin of history.

 

A tour bus driver was killed on Pratamnak Hill last week after the automatic passenger door on the bus shut on his neck. There’s only one possible way to explain the strange sequence of events that must have led to this unusual conclusion – but we don’t know what it is.

 

A chap was found dead at a Buddhist shrine the other day after having some kind of convulsion. He’d stolen and consumed two cartons of milk from the shrine and some people think this may have led to his demise. The cartons described the product as longlife milk so the purchasers returned it to the store and demanded their money back.

 

Is this where the Thais learn their pidgin English?..

 

 

In a surprise move, Thailand Regional and General Hospital Society has announced that it supports the P4P system. However, before anyone starts popping the champagne corks, it seems they’re referring to ‘pay for performance’ rather than the more popular use of the abbreviation. Something to do with wages in the medical sector, apparently. The chairman of the society said he realised that the system had a lot of pros and cons. So it’s much like any other sort of P4P then.

 

A food safety meeting was recently held with local seafood vendors after statistics revealed that they hospitalised more people than motorcycle accidents. Unfortunately, the gathering quickly broke up in disarray after a brawl started over how seafood vendors involved in motorcycle accidents should be counted in the statistics. Several arrests were made - wonder what statistics they’ll show up in?

 

A temporary monk (so how does that work then?) had a bit of luck last week after winning 44 million baht in the national lottery. He said he planned to use some of his winnings to buy a house for his mother and to make a donation to a local orphanage. He also said he wants to find his long lost father and talk to him. Got a feeling his chances of doing that just got a whole lot better.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[short 215]

Kalbo where?

[capdagde 1,954]

Excellent crop of news this month (the other) MM. That PI fine list is an eye opener! WTF is Kalbo anyway?

 

Andy Cap

 

P.S. No Tagalog on Google Translate so googled it Kalbo means "bald". I guess they mean other than the head...

Edited July 4, 2013 by capdagde

[monkeyman 1,537]

Excellent crop of news this month (the other) MM. That PI fine list is an eye opener! WTF is Kalbo anyway?

 

Andy Cap

 

P.S. No Tagalog on Google Translate so googled it Kalbo means "bald". I guess they mean other than the head...

 

I guess they do.

[Basil B 46]

"A temporary monk (so how does that work then?) had a bit of luck last week after winning 44 million baht in the national lottery. He said he planned to use some of his winnings to buy a house for his mother and to make a donation to a local orphanage. He also said he wants to find his long lost father and talk to him. Got a feeling his chances of doing that just got a whole lot better."

 

sure is going to find out how popular his mother was...

[teelack 8,363]

Thanks as usual.

 

Just to finalise this Kalbo thing does it mean that shaved pussies are finable or is it the other way about and that hairy beaver is mandatory?

[Fornicator 106]

Another great read, thanks!

[boss hogg 56]

Pooping on the floor..........200 Pesos

[monkeyman 1,537]

Thanks as usual.

 

Just to finalise this Kalbo thing does it mean that shaved pussies are finable or is it the other way about and that hairy beaver is mandatory?

 

Methinks they get fined if they haven't shaved.