Monkeywatch - December 2013

[monkeyman]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap and Merry Christmas to you all, and welcome to this month’s Yuletide yobbishness. On with the show.

 

A team of workers from City Hall turned up at the Boutique Hotel in South Pattaya the other week to remove several floors that have been the subject of a demolition order since July. However, they went away scratching their heads after being told by the hotel owner that he wanted them to remove the excess floors from the bottom of the buildings rather than the top. Fortunately, the situation was resolved the next day when the workmen persuaded the owner to agree to a more practical solution to the problem. One of them hit him over the head with a shovel.

 

A drunk monk was questioned by police after he was seen falling about with a bottle of whisky outside a temple in South Pattaya. He told them he’d got pissed after losing 500,000 baht in a lottery, which he suspected to be crooked after discovering that the winning ticket was the only one he hadn’t bought. He was subsequently ordered to disrobe and leave the Monkhood immediately, whereupon he was arrested for indecent exposure. Sometimes it just ain’t your day.

 

Police were called to a Jomtien Restaurant last week after two Indian tourists reported that expensive items had been stolen from their luxury vehicle…

 

 

A Russian tourism group has threatened to boycott Thailand unless safety is improved for their clients by December. So if Thailand doesn’t put its house in order pretty damn quick, they’ll stop sending planeloads of pissed up scumbags out here to ruin everybody else’s holidays. That’s one hell of a threat. The boycott is from December to March, so get booking now.

 

The 13^th Pattaya Traditional Long Boat Tournament took place the weekend before last at Mabprachan Reservoir. Lots of boats took part and none of them sank. Doesn’t sound very traditional at all.

 

A Mr Mohammed Al Mohammed is concerned that his tour group from Pakistan has been collectively described as ‘stinking pigs’, as he understood that this term only applied to Arabs and Indians. The official position seems to be that although the term can theoretically be used to refer to Arabs and anyone from the countries that were formerly part of India, it is usually only applied to residents of modern India and Mr Mohammed and his tour group therefore deserve an apology for any offence that may have been caused. Needless to say, they won’t get one. Stinking pigs.

 

As the Thai bear-hunting season comes to an end, big game hunters show off their trophies on Beach Road…

 

 

Bar news now, and the “Angelwitch 2” project on Soi LK Metro has finally come to fruition in the shape of Amethyst Club, which opened its doors a couple of weeks ago. Similar concept to Angelwitch, but with the disturbing addition of coyotes. Just across the street, Champagne A Go Go is back in the loop again after its extensive refurb. The former Club Relaxxx on Soi 16 has now reopened as Moonlight A Go Go, and the old Baron A Go Go on Soi Diamond looks set to re-emerge as Cream Club in the near future. Rehab on Soi Buakhao turned out to be terminally ill and finally passed away a couple of weeks ago, as has Tiger Club on Soi Diamond, and Submarine A Go Go looks unlikely to resurface. Saddest news for many old stagers though is the announcement of the final demise of FLB Bar, which is set to close its doors for the last time at the beginning of January. The end of an era and a piece of Pattaya history. Bugger.

 

Two Thai cooks were arrested the other Monday after being caught stealing food from the restaurant where they worked. They claimed that they’d only stolen the food for their own consumption but police refused to believe them after talking to one of their officers who’d eaten in the place.

 

Pattaya’s foremost drug dealer has decided to make his profession more respectable with the opening of his own shops…

 

 

A couple of tourists have been arrested by police after being caught fighting over a prostitute on Beach Road. Quite understandable. I mean, it’s not easy to find a prostitute in that area of town, is it?

 

The number of Chinese tourists coming to Thailand has dropped dramatically since their government ordered a crackdown on so-called ‘zero dollars tours’. It seems that the term refers to very cheap holidays that have hidden costs and not, as we’d always assumed, to the amount the average Chinese tourist spends in the bars.

 

Finally, it’s been reported that prostitutes have been using a broken transformer box on Beach Road for oral sex. Bet that makes their lips sting a bit.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[teelack]

Thanks as always for a Christmas chortle!

[Fornicator]

Great read as always, thanks! We'll worth the late posting!

[MeGoDanceNow]

Thanks for the chuckle, Monkeyman!

 

Personally I wouldn't want to see the back of the Russian tourists. Their WAGs are smokin' hot and they dress sluttier than the gogo dancers.

[Nightrider]

Cheers Monkey , great read as always.......

[LordFlash]

Thanks for a great year of monkeywatch!

[Fatboyfat]

Love the decapitated teddybear shot ! Wonder what on earth that was really about.

Many thanks Monks for the thought and effort consistently made in this section. ( Insert "Cheers" smiley) !

[monkeyman]

Love the decapitated teddybear shot ! Wonder what on earth that was really about.

Many thanks Monks for the thought and effort consistently made in this section. ( Insert "Cheers" smiley) !

 

The heads were part of teddybear costumes used to promote the opening of Teddy Island in the Markland Village Mall on the corner of Beach Road and Soi 1.

 

Nice place for the kids but a bit on the pricey side.