Monkeywatch - November 2017

[monkeyman]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for dropping by, and welcome once more as Pattaya returns to normal and a new era dawns (oh no, not another one.)

 

Well, the Pattaya beach revolution is over and done, with all operators using the new chairs and umbrellas supplied by City Hall, and everything is just fine and dandy. Except that tourists keep falling out of the chairs because they weren’t designed to be used on sand. And the cushions get so hot that nobody can sit on them. And the new umbrellas carry adverts for Chang beer, which makes them illegal under the Alcohol Beverage Control Act. Oh, and the operators have doubled their prices. Going well, isn’t it?

 

In a further development, City Hall has issued a rebuttal to questions about the Chang adverts on the brollies by saying that they aren’t advertising alcohol as Chang produces water as well as beer. Well that’s true enough – local drinkers have been saying it for bloody years.

 

The beach smoking ban due to start at the beginning of November has been put on hold for three months. Just time to finish that King Edward cigar then.

 

It doesn’t really matter though, as they’ve now decided to close the beach altogether…

 

 

A Pakistani restaurant owner strolled into Soi 9 police station the other night to report he’d been stabbed in the neck after an argument with group of men at his premises. The police told him the incident would be investigated urgently as they’d received a directive to prioritise all cases of discrimination against stinking pigs. The man took extreme exception to being referred to in this manner so the Duty Officer punched him in the face and threw him in the cells. Case closed.

 

To make things look good for the International Fleet Show, overnight work crews have been filling in the holes on Pattaya Beach so everything would look all nice and tidy for the visiting dignitaries. So where did they get the sand to fill in the holes? By digging more holes of course. They’ve carefully planned the operation so the new holes are always one step behind the dignitaries. So who says the Thais aren’t clever then? Everybody.

 

The Fleet Show Parade duly went ahead, and spectators were treated to the spectacle of watching the participants marching around for three hours knee deep in sewage filled flood water. The parade was supposed to be about “culture and colour”, both of which were clearly abundant in the murky liquid shit sloshing around everyone’s legs. And if that wasn’t enough, the beach umbrella vendors were shut down for the entire event. Another triumph for local tourism.

 

We might if we knew what the bloody hell it was…

 

 

Bar news next, and we start with the opening of Bad Girls A Go Go on Walking Street. Now, given that this is on the waterfront side of the street and wasn’t previously a Go Go, how the bloody hell did they get round the no new Go Go licence rule that closed Frog and Pacha before they even opened? Enquiring minds need to know (because nobody else gives a shit). Anyway, moving on, Gold Club A Go Go has opened on LK Metro (again) and Marilyn Monroe A Go Go has opened where that little wop restaurant used to be on Walking Street. Not as good as the old Marilyn then, which was a go go bar and possibly also a restaurant, as it’s claimed you could get toad in the hole there.

 

A foreign bloke was found dead in South Pattaya last week in what the police described as ‘mysterious circumstances’. So he didn’t end up as the usual pool of goo at the bottom of a high rise building then.

 

The Thai police and army have been ordered to adopt a new short haircut as part of a new dress code in the interests of uniformity and discipline. The photos of this new look suggest that we’re about to be faced with the prospect of having nearly half a million police and army personnel who look like Kim Jong-un. That should boost tourism no end.

 

That “24 OPEN” sign looks to be a little on the optimistic side…

 

 

Forward to the past now, with a brace of bits from Monkeywatch of November 2007…

“On the entertainment front, Lollipop A Go Go is shaping up to be the latest addition to the Walking Street line up and should be opening its doors for business shortly. The rumour is that if you turn up on the opening night you’ll get a free lollipop. Nice idea – let’s hope it catches on at Climax Bar.

City Hall has approved plans for a second Walking Street in Pattaya. Walking Street Old Town, as it is to be called, will be situated in Naklua and will consist of 80 premises selling locally produced items. Well, if Issan counts as local, it sounds pretty much the same as the current Walking Street.”

 

Finally, a study has shown that Thai women are now the second fattest in Asia. No indication was given as to exactly where this statistic was obtained, but one suspects that the researchers spent a bit too much time in Pattaya go go bars. Well, don’t we all?

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[teelack]

As usual thanks for getting my day started with a chuckle and my appreciation. Keep them coming.

 

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

[yorta2]

Late November report, or early December one. I don't care - I enjoyed it immensely.

[Big_Brian]

Ahh, here it is, was worried something had happened to you - sold for bush meat or suchlike.

[monkeyman]

Ahh, here it is, was worried something had happened to you - sold for bush meat or suchlike.

 

Yes, a tad on the late side this time out. Hopefully the December edition will be little more timely.

[Nightrider]

Another great read as always monkeyman.......

[Bob Belzy]

 

Yes, a tad on the late side this time out. Hopefully the December edition will be little more timely.

 

A special Christmas Day edition?