Bar Humor

[gs joe 1,776]

[VPI78 11,509]

A frenchman walks into a bar with a cat on his shoulder.
The cat is wearing a little baseball cap.
“Hey, that’s neat,” says the bartender. “Where did you get that?”
“France,” the kitty says. “They’ve got millions of them!”

[Bullfrog 2,224]

 

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[VPI78 11,509]

Three women were sitting in a bar, (brunette, redhead, and a blonde). They were all pregnant.

The brunette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other to asked how. She replied, "Well I was on top when I conceived so I will have a baby boy".

The red head said, "If your logic is correct then I will have a baby girl because I was on the bottom when I conceived.

The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

Dedicated to MGDN...

 

 

 

 

Edited July 1, 2020 by BigusDicus

[gs joe 1,776]

[gs joe 1,776]

Balloons on soi 6/1

Edited July 1, 2020 by gs joe
Fix

[VPI78 11,509]

I rear ended a car this morning...the driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said "I am NOT Happy!"
So I said, "Well, which one ARE you then?"
That's how the fight started.

[midlifecrisis 4,048]

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

.......And that's when the fight started...

[gs joe 1,776]

48 minutes ago, VPI78 said:

I rear ended a car this morning...the driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said "I am NOT Happy!"
So I said, "Well, which one ARE you then?"
That's how the fight started.

I bet he was Grumpy 

[gs joe 1,776]

7 Dwarfs in the bath feeling Happy 

Happy got out the all felt Grumpy 

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[midlifecrisis 4,048]

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.' So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.' And that's when the fight started...

[VPI78 11,509]

So Adam is sitting around the garden of Eden one day talking to God and he tells him that he's lonely.

He thinks the garden is wonderful and the animals are great too but he needs a companion.

God tells Adam he can create the most wonderful, beautiful creature in the world. She will love him, care for him and do everything he asks of her.

Adam says "Great! what do I have to do?" God says it'll cost you an arm and a leg.

Adam says "What can I get for a rib?

[midlifecrisis 4,048]

Damn that selfish Adam!

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[gs joe 1,776]

[VPI78 11,509]

There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deerskin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin.

All three became pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys.

This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

[midlifecrisis 4,048]

2 hours ago, VPI78 said:

There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deerskin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin.

All three became pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys.

This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

groaner. Pythagoras just rolled over twice.

[teelack 9,640]

44 minutes ago, midlifecrisis said:

groaner. Pythagoras just rolled over twice.

Just like Beethoven then? 

[gs joe 1,776]

9 hours ago, midlifecrisis said:

groaner. Pythagoras just rolled over twice.

Rhinoceroses Theorem ?

[midlifecrisis 4,048]

13 hours ago, teelack said:

Just like Beethoven then? 

another one lol but very witty tee