Monkeywatch - March 2024

[monkeyman]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to another month, and welcome to more tales from the world’s favourite building site. Rock on.

A tourist leaving a local beer garden the other week was somewhat surprised to notice that his shorts had unexpectedly caught fire as he left the premises. It seems that a rather careless Thai workman had been cutting through some metal and had sprayed the walkway with a shower of sparks, some of which had ignited the nether garments of the passing tourist. Having been refused compensation by the workman, the hapless tourist went to the police station to make a complaint. The officer on duty turned out to be somewhat unsympathetic and told the man to go away as he was obviously a liar. When asked how he came to that conclusion, the officer replied “Well your pants are on fire.”    

A man arrested for robbing a Chinese tourist said he couldn’t help himself as he just had a yen for it. He was charged with robbery and carrying an offensive joke.

Police personnel have been promised that they can expect a better quality of life in the future, so an increase in the price of tea may well be in the offing.

The turnout for the Pattaya Music Festival seems to have fallen a little short of expectations…

 

Following pressure being brought on them from somewhere or other, the police have decided to crack down on a long standing pirate movie gang. They haven’t yet identified the ringleader, though following a tip off from an informer they’re looking for a man with an eye patch, a wooden leg and a parrot on his shoulder. They haven’t found him yet, though of course in Pattaya a bloke like that would just blend in with the crowd.

Pattaya has decided to take the plunge and try out automated parking meters on Beach Road to “modernise the city’s parking system”. Hate to burst your City Hall bubble fellas, but they’ve actually been around since the 1930s and most cities got rid of them decades ago.

Raids have been carried out by police on bars allegedly selling laughing gas to tourists. They’d be better off selling the stuff to Thai comedians to use at their shows.

Doesn’t sound like a particularly pleasant experience…

 

Bar news now, and the Las Vegas beer bar complex on Soi Diana now dominates the street with its big archway, garish bright lights and flashy neon signs. Pity all the bars are still in darkness. Much the same as Champagne. Will that place ever reopen?

Thai authorities have launched an investigation following an incident on an aircraft where a passenger’s power bank spontaneously exploded. Yet another case of a member of the public being de-banked.

Slide back to days of yore now with a gaggle of yarns from Monkeywatch in March 2014…

“Heard a story the other week about chap in Pattaya who decided to have his name tattooed on his penis but gave up after the first letter. Some say he ran out of money, others that he just ran out of penis.

A local woman was killed the other week after being attacked by her neighbour’s dogs on her own front step. Her family put in a claim for compensation but the insurance company refused to pay out as they said it was an Act of Dog.

A drunken Thai builder has been arrested for trying to rape a woman 31 years older than him. When asked what motivated the attack, he said he was a child molester but wasn’t very good at maths.”

Welcome to the sun-kissed paradise that is Pattaya…

 

If your idea of a good time is a decrepit old boiler with a face that’d stop a clock then Bamboo Bar is the place for you. Just put on your flared trousers, slick your hair down with Brylcreem and the world is your lobster. If you think this is being a little unfair, well you’re probably right. Younger, more attractive women also frequent the place. In fact, one was seen in there as recently as 2017. 

Now for an absolutely true story (breaking new ground here) about an expat who bought a local property only to find out that the place was infested with cockroaches. He went to a local Thai store to find a suitable product to get rid of the little buggers and located what he thought to be the right stuff for the job. He took it to the counter and asked the shopkeeper “Is this good for cockroaches?” to which he got the reply “No, it kills them.” You really couldn’t make that up.

Finally, we can’t end without mentioning the recent passing of Lou Deprijck, the man who gave us the ‘Pattaya, Pattaya’ song and was also the composer and voice of the Plastic Bertrand hit ‘Ca Plane pour Moi’. A Pattaya resident of many years standing and often seen in Papagayo. Truly one of our own.

be seeing you

monkeyman

[monkeyman]

And for those who don't remember...

How many Pattaya locations can you identify?

 

[jacko]

5 hours ago, monkeyman said:

the Las Vegas beer bar complex on Soi Diana

April 10th it will open........

[yorta2]

6 hours ago, monkeyman said:

And for those who don't remember...

How many Pattaya locations can you identify?

 

Sad that he is gone.

[sailingbill]

I don't smile so much anymore, I smiled at that. Thanks MM,  and a tip of the hat to Martin another MM. The Energy of the girls no Issan Shuffle.  I think about Martin because if not for him I would not have the life I have. 

[monkeyman]

10 hours ago, jacko said:

April 10th it will open........

Well it's certainly possible but I won't be putting my shirt on it.

I think this is at least the third opening date we've been given.

[jacko]

13 hours ago, monkeyman said:

Well it's certainly possible but I won't be putting my shirt on it.

I think this is at least the third opening date we've been given.

Third time lucky  they say.

[monkeyman]

Here's Lou performing in Papagayo...