Non-bargirls' families

[Eric_Olthwaite 0]

Been getting involved with a hotel receptionist, and soon I'm expecting to meet her mother and sister in Pattaya. I've read all the good stuff on the "Pattaya Pages" here, but I was wondering if anyone has any other tips, like how to avoid looking like either a cheap charlie or a flashy git, how to talk to her mother, what to tell them about myself, etc. Any advice would be very gratefully received.

[CheshireTom 1,377]

Eric,

 

Just treat them exactly the same as you would do a bargirl's family.

 

Tom

[Eric_Olthwaite 0]

Yeah, realised as soon as I posted it that I chose a bad title. What I really meant was that I was looking for advice on how to behave with Thai people away from the whole bar scene. No offence to bar girls (many of whom I've loved before) or anyone involved with one.

[Jaffa 0]

Eric,

You girlfriend will be your best tutor. She will advise you of whats expected.

The Thais are pretty forgiving of farang ignorance in their cultural protocols.

There are diffeent wais depending on age and status. Just do as your girl instructs you to. A nice new 1,000 baht note in an envelope for mama will impress without breaking your bank. Just show respect, and what ever you do dont flirt with the sister.

[Eric_Olthwaite 0]

Jaffa, Thanks very much, mate. Seems like pretty sound advice to me.

[valentinoxxx 4]

Are you really asking this question? How old are you?

 

Wai-ing, money in envelope??!! Please stop!

 

Be polite, be nice. That's it. Do not wai and do not give money.

[jack_daniels 0]

There is something in what valentino says here. I met a girls mother too, she had a rather long bus ride but wanted to "Meet" the farang.

All went well as I bought us all a nice breakfast and then off to the beach for a relaxing day.

Mid afternoon was back to the hotel for a meal. Mother had a tickly cough and before she left I gave 1000 baht saying get some medicine...;-)

Damn if she wasn't back 3-4 times a week telling the daughter to tell me the cough was still there. It had become "Expected" as I had set a president ????

just a thought is all.

jack

[OnMyWay 0]

Don't give the Mom 1000 baht for god sakes....she might feel obligated to reciprocate with a short-time for you!

 

Cheers,

Mark

[LeoTex 29]

I agree with the otheres don't give money to her mother. Your GF would be the best source of information on how to behave. I would ask her about getting a small gift, not money to give to the family members. If there is expense involved for the mother to travel to see you, then I would give the money to your GF to give to her mother. All of the above IMHO.

 

LeoTex

[jack_daniels 0]

ROTFLMAO OnMyWay..............

and yeah, your spot on LeoTex,

But I guess life is a learning curve huh.

That's the reason I posted it really, just might help the next guy huh.......???

 

Cheers all

jack

[Eric_Olthwaite 0]

Thanks for all the tips. Met loads of bar girls over the years, but never any of their families, and I expect it will be quite different. Anyway, fingers crossed. Aah, maybe not; just remembered that crossed fingers mean something else in LOS.

[wombat 5]

crossed fingers mean something else in LOS.

such as??????

[Top_Cat 16]

I take it the receptionist doesn't work at a hotel on Soi Dianna? Cos I know of one girl there that's trying to reel an Aussie and a Welsh bloke in.

 

So far the Welsh blokes in front as he has been to see her folks in Nakum Nowhere. But she still stays in touch with the Aussie.

 

Don't want to put you off mate but the "good girls" sometimes aren't so good. Sorry to be like this but just a warning shot and hope your not blinded.

 

For advice on what to do with the meeting e-mail Stickmans missus on the weekly column.

 

Sticks a top bloke and responds to all e-mails usually within a day or two.

 

Best of luck mate hope it all works out but most important of all let us know ALL ABOUT IT!!!!

 

 

Top_Cat

[jack_daniels 0]

So far the Welsh blokes in front as he has been to see her folks in Nakum Nowhere.

 

 

ROTFLMAO

 

WTG Cat.............

Don't ya just luv what us guys come out with sometimes..............

 

Ok, sittin here having my "Usual" nightcap but that really tickled the funny bone.....

 

jack

[Eric_Olthwaite 0]

Wombat, I found out the hard way that crossing the fingers in Thailand is apparently a symbol of a couple on the job. Did it once to a cute, friendly little thing in a travel agency in Phuket, and only learned later from a bargirl why she'd suddenly turned so frosty. Never did get on the flight I was trying for, either...

Top Cat, No she doesn't work in Soi Diana, but you're dead right about being wary of "Good" girls too. Got involved with another receptionist once, got all soppy and carried away, and all the time she was seeing her Thai boyfriend behind my back. Thanks for the advice and interest. Much appreciated.

[nidnoyham 30]

Eric, on the subject of being regarded as a Cheap Charlie or Flash Git, I would err on the side of the former. I don't think Thais really respect a big spender, just another mug to them. It is their way of appealing to your ego to prove you have money power and to prove it- you spend it- on them.

[Jaffa 0]

Eric,

There seems to be a lot of bar stool experts giving advice here.

 

You should be guided by your girlfriends advice on whats expected of you to show respect to her Mum rather than a bunch of sex tourists.

 

It may seem cool to some tourists to refuse to show respect to your girlfriends Mum by refusing to Wai in the traditional manner. Its such a little thing and it will probably mean so much to your girl. If your girl asks it of you, please do it for her.

 

And, the thousand baht note in the envelope should be handed to Mum by your girlfriend. Its more a mark of respect than any kind of a pay-off. But it will be seen as coming from both of you. Respect for elders, especially mothers is very important to Thais. If you ignore this and treat her as just another Thai you may well offend your girl.

 

Please just play the game as they expect for your girlfriends sake. It will be important to her.

 

If your girlfriend asks for more money in the future you can allways say no, or just lie that you are broke as the Thais would.

 

You are in Thailand now, just follow Thai protocol. This is not some bar-girl rip off you are dealing with here. Its a matter of your girl keeping face with her family.

[valentinoxxx 4]

I disagree withe the 'wai-ing'. He is not Thai and shouldn't pretend to act like one. A polite show of deference will be enough.

Example: Some languages I speak a little of. Sometimes when I meet a native speaker of such a language I will defer to their language. This sometimes means that the rest of the conversation is conducted in this language. Not so good if you are not fluent.

Luckily, you have the option of explaining that you are not fluent.

 

If he 'wais' but misses other important cues, that could be interpreted as rudeness.

 

Better to show politeness and courtesy 'Western' style. At least he can be consistent.

Again, no money! Unless the family are visiting at his request and he wishes to reimburse travel expenses, a gift is far more suitable.

 

 

I am NOT a sex tourist.

[Jaffa 0]

I speak only from my own experience having been married to a Thai for the past 10 years.

 

I stand by my original advice to let the girlfriend advise what is expected, and to respect her wishes.

 

If your girlfriend asks you to wai to her mother and you refuse it would be seen as being very disrespectful.

 

The waing protocol is not that difficult. The basic rules are as follows--

1. The younger person should wai to an older person FIRST as a mark of respect.

 

2. The higher the hands are held up to the face and the deeper the bow, the greater the respect shown.

 

Its not some mysterious practice that takes years of cross-cultural training to master, as some here would have you believe.

 

The Thais sometimes see farangs as making a fool of themselves when the farang wais FIRST to someone of inferior status like a child or service worker.

There is a time to wai and a time not to wai. Mothers are held in the greatest respect and should be waied to in traditional custom. Not on every meeting, but certainly on meeting after an absence of some time and then again on saying goodbye.

 

Having said that, it should be pointed out that Thais are fairly tolerant of our ignorance, and traditional customs are less important to the younger ones than their parents. And acceptance of western customs is greater for people accustomed to dealing with western tourists.

[nidnoyham 30]

Didn't have any problems when I first met my GF parents, Mum was cooking dinner, Dad was washing his fighting cock, they were happy to have a Farang stay at their house for the night. A crate of beer, bottle of Thai whiskey, a few bart on food at the market, a Thai singsong with the local politzie and off to bed.

 

When I meet people at home, I just say hello- thats it, from then on they like me or not. Up to you !