BigusDicus

Aflac!

I WILL SOON HAVE BIRD DOG PUPS FOR SALE ANYONE WHO IS INTERESTED PLEASE CONTACT ME, THE LITTER WILL PROBABLY BE ABOUT 7 - 10 PUPS WHICH I WILL SELL AT A VERY REASONABLE PRICE. I ATTACHED A PICTURE OF THE MOM AND DAD SO YOU WILL HAVE AN IDEA OF WHAT THE PUPS WILL LOOK LIKE. PLEASE LET ME KNOW SOON, AS THEY MAY GO FAST THANKS

Speed Bumps

A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?" The man thought a moment then replied, "A martini please." The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had. The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?" The man answered "oh, about 164." The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of relativity', 'interstellar space travel', 'the latest medical breakthrough', etc....... The man was most impressed. He l

Old Fart Football An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.' His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'It's fart football.' A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says 'Touchdown, tie score.' After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.' Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.' Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goa

Body Found In Key West Beach Surf A spokesperson for the Key West Police Department reported that an early morning bather from Ohio discovered a man's body in the surf off Smathers Beach in Key West. The victim is believed to be a local resident but the man's name has been withheld by police pending notification of next of kin. The victim apparently drowned after consuming an excessive quantity of alcohol and illegal drugs at a notorious Key West gay night club before venturing into the surf for a drunken late night swim. At the time the body was discovered, the victim was wear

Do you ever worry about a hospital stay ? These are sentences ACTUALLY typed by medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow. 1, The patient has no previous history of suicides. 2, Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital. 3, Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. 4, She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 5, Patient has chest pains if she lies on her left side for over a

I think it is fair to say my wife checks out guys crotches more than most of us guys. Villayouth excepted of course

I stared at it for 2-3 mins before I got it. Took my wife about 5 seconds!

There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends. He would always come home very late. One night, while he was at the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late. "When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral sex she's ever had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn't care what time I came home." One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home,

A young man moved into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While he was there,an attractive young lady in a robe came out of her apartment next to the mailboxes. The guy smiled at the young woman, and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment. I hear someone coming." He followed her into her apartment;

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite sometime. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf

YES!

Arguably there are more productive things to do with ones life....then again there are far worse.

Many, many years ago I attended a very swank New Years Eve party with the ex-wife in Beverly Hills. We all consumed copious amount of Dom Perignon champagne. There was a beautiful model type black girl who was giving me the eye most of the evening. At one point I managed to follow her into a bathroom. Brief make out, groping, followed by her bent over the sink while I did her ass. A knock on the door, momentary panic-I zipped my pants up without washing and walked out the door. Fortunately it was not my wife who was knocking. Later on the drive home my very drunk wife decided to pull

A cowboy walks into the bedroom carrying a sheep in his arms and says, "Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache." The wife, laying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says, "If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep, not a cow." The guy replies, "If you weren't such a presumptuous bitch, you'd realize I was talking to the sheep."

Another good one. I am going to steal it!

Poor dog.

Several years ago I flew China Air without seat reservations. I regretted it. Had a horrible seat in the center of the plane. Other than that they were not a bad airline.

Poor Dog..... Excellent joke, I am stealing it!