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BigusDicus

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Everything posted by BigusDicus

  1. Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect backwoods camping and fishing trip. Two days before the group is to leave Frank's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Frank's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Frank sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and fish cooking on the fire. "Damn man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting i
  2. THE DOT...... FINALLY, SOMEONE HAS CLEARED THIS UP. For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition or religion, but the Indian Embassy in Ottawa has recently revealed the true story. When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop, a taxi cab or a motel in the United States . If nothing is there, he must
  3. A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador retriever between them. The first man asked why the dog was allowed on the plane. The second man explained that he was a DEA agent and that the dog was a sniffing dog. "His name is Sniffer, and he's the best there is," he said. "I'll show you once we get airborne when I put him to work." The plane took off, and once it had leveled out, the agent said, "Watch this." He told Sniffer to "search." Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat v
  4. You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about. Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because
  5. I WILL SOON HAVE BIRD DOG PUPS FOR SALE ANYONE WHO IS INTERESTED PLEASE CONTACT ME, THE LITTER WILL PROBABLY BE ABOUT 7 - 10 PUPS WHICH I WILL SELL AT A VERY REASONABLE PRICE. I ATTACHED A PICTURE OF THE MOM AND DAD SO YOU WILL HAVE AN IDEA OF WHAT THE PUPS WILL LOOK LIKE. PLEASE LET ME KNOW SOON, AS THEY MAY GO FAST THANKS
  6. A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?" The man thought a moment then replied, "A martini please." The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had. The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?" The man answered "oh, about 164." The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of relativity', 'interstellar space travel', 'the latest medical breakthrough', etc....... The man was most impressed. He l
  7. Old Fart Football An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.' His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'It's fart football.' A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says 'Touchdown, tie score.' After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.' Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.' Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goa
  8. Body Found In Key West Beach Surf A spokesperson for the Key West Police Department reported that an early morning bather from Ohio discovered a man's body in the surf off Smathers Beach in Key West. The victim is believed to be a local resident but the man's name has been withheld by police pending notification of next of kin. The victim apparently drowned after consuming an excessive quantity of alcohol and illegal drugs at a notorious Key West gay night club before venturing into the surf for a drunken late night swim. At the time the body was discovered, the victim was wear
  9. Do you ever worry about a hospital stay ? These are sentences ACTUALLY typed by medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow. 1, The patient has no previous history of suicides. 2, Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital. 3, Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. 4, She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 5, Patient has chest pains if she lies on her left side for over a
  10. I think it is fair to say my wife checks out guys crotches more than most of us guys. Villayouth excepted of course
  11. I stared at it for 2-3 mins before I got it. Took my wife about 5 seconds!
  12. There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends. He would always come home very late. One night, while he was at the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late. "When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral sex she's ever had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn't care what time I came home." One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home,
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