BigusDicus

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Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "Think I'm gonna divorce the wife - she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months." Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, "Better think it over.............women like that are hard to find."

You have to wonder about the IQ of someone who would take this article seriously.

Really? Reputed by whom? Not sure how smart he is. I do know he is the only president who has a MBA. You do not need to be a genius to obtain a MBA, but a certain discipline is necessary.

Jewish Sunbathing A widowed Jewish lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a totally deserted beach at Ft. Myers. She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book. Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "How are you today?" "Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book. "I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked. "First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied and turned back to his book. "I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away three years ago and it is very lonely," she countered. "Do you live around here?" she asked. “Yes, I live over in Cape Coral ", he answered, and again he resumed reading. Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, "Do you like pussy cats?" With that, the man dropped his book, came over to her blanket, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate lovemaking of her life. When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?" The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"

Ed and Nancy met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home. Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Nancy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Nancy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last. On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Nancy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!" Nancy took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker." "Oh wow! I see," Ed replied. He looked down at the table, was quiet for a moment. Deep in serious thought then he added, "You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."

Blessed are those that can give without remembering, And take without forgetting. One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it. BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON!

Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel. Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; They put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors". The town council was livid and insisted they change it. So, the docs changed it to read: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids" This was also not acceptable. Again they changed the sign. "Catatonics and High Colonics"......No go. Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives"....Thumbs down again. Then came "Minds and Behinds"....Still no good. Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes".......Unacceptable again ! So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts".....Not a chance. "Nuts and Butts"....No way. "Freaks and Cheeks".....No good. "Loons and Moons".....Forget it. Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones--Odds and Ends" Everyone loved it.

This is all too familiar. Damnit!

A guy makes a rolling stop at a stop sign, and gets pulled over by a local policeman. The guy hands the cop his driver's license, insurance verification, plus his concealed carry permit. "Okay, Mr. Smith," the cop says, "I see your CCW permit. Are you carrying today?" "Yes, I am." "Well then, better tell me what you got." Smith says, "Well, I got a .357 revolver in my inside coat pocket. There's a 9mm semi-auto in the glove box. And, I've got a .22 magnum derringer in my right boot." "Okay," the cop says. "Anything else?" "Yeah, back in the trunk, there's an AR15 and a shotgun. That's about it." "Mr. Smith, are you on your way to or from a gun range...?" "Nope." "Well then, what are you afraid of....?" "Not a fuckin thing..."

I met a fairy today that would grant me one wish. "I want to live forever," I said. "Sorry" said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!" "Fine," I said, "Then I want to die after Congress gets their heads out of their asses!" "You crafty bastard," said the fairy.

QUOTE (BigusDicus @ Jan 30 2011, 10:01 AM) Does the left wing politics and their anti religion make you proud? It is what you do, not what you say you are that matters. A liberal can call themselves a Christian (or whatever). But if they support and vote for laws and policies that disenfranchise and/or discourage religion they can be called 'anti religious'. Just because you say you are A Christian (just to get elected?) does not mean you are.

Too true. 11-12 years ago I brought a buddy here who has a thing for Asian Women. He loved it. But he remarked: "Look at all these McDonalds, KFC, and other western food places. I am telling you if you feed these girls western food they will eventually be as big as western women". He pointed out that his first wife was 92 lbs when he met here in Korea. He divorced her eight years later. She had spent 7 years in America and weighed 130 lbs! I have watched the Pattaya girls grow larger each year..... I would agree that Thai/Asian girls for the most part are more subservient than their western counterparts. But I believe that is changing rapidly. I would submit that to most Thai girls we (falangs) seem rich. So of course they are going to treat you better. Western girls treat wealthy men pretty good too.

Agreed! Suppoeting those who defend our freedom is important. And can make you feel good - in many ways Some time back I posted below: http://www.pattayatalk.com/forums/index.ph...ic=45058&hl=cobra+gold QUOTE (spike @ Oct 23 2009, 01:46 PM) ...and you see a lot of sailorettes in the mix now too Years ago, after the beginning of the Iraq War I was in the Silver Star on Soi 8. Sat with a group of marines, including 2 females. Talked, bought them a couple of rounds. A sergeant had the hots for one of the girls, I paid the barfine for him. One of the female marines joked "are you going to pay mine". I said sure! She hopped on my lap. I thought she was joking. She wasn't. Within 20 minutes we were in my room at the Flipper Lodge! She was not beautiful, but attractive. Black, an incredibly voluptuous body. In less than an hour she had me begging for mercy. Wore me out. By far the best lay I have ever had in Thailand

Does the left wing politics and their anti religion make you proud?

After a southern gentleman was served in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge, he beckoned the waitress and said quietly, "Miss, y'all sure are a luvly, luvly lady; can ah persuade y'all to give me a piece uh ass?" "Lord, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!" gasped the girl. Then she looked around the room, smiled and added, "Sure, why not? You're nice lookin' and it's pretty slow here right now, so why don't we just slip away up to my room?" When the pair returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the same table and the waitress asked, "Will there be anything else, sir?" "Why yes," replied the southern gentleman. "Ah sure 'preciate what y'all just did fur me; it was real sweet and right neighborly, but where ah come from in Tennessee we lack our bourbon real cold, so ah still need to trouble y'all for a piece uh ass for mah drink.

I love numbers and this year we will experience 4 unusual numbers as dates: 1/1/11; 1/11/11; 11/1/11; 11/11/11. Now take the last 2 digits of the year you were born and add them to the age you will be this year and the sum will be 111.

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be ok, you'll walk again, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it." The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to construct a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1,000 an inch." The man perks up. "So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should probably discuss with your wife. If you had five inches before and get nine inches now she might be a bit put out. If you had nine inches before and you decide to only invest in five inches now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she is involved the decision making process. "The man agrees to talk it over with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?" "Yes I have," says the man. “And has she helped you make a decision?" "Yes" says the man. "What is your decision?" asks the doctor. "We're getting granite countertops."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07qQoP-F1K0

You can purchase a brand new, basic cell phone for 1,000 - 1,100 baht.

Bob woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?" "Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face." "He's an asshole," Bob said. "Piss on him." "You did," came the reply. "And he fired you." "Well, screw him!" said Bob. "I did. You're back at work on Monday!