BigusDicus

The year is 1947 Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little over 60 years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object (UFO) with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and mule ranch just outside Roswell , New Mexico. This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and other federal agencies and organizations. However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April 1948, nine months after that historic day, the following people were born: Albert A. Gore, Jr.. Hillary Rodham John F. Kerry William J. Clinton Howard Dean Nancy Pelosi Dianne Feinstein Charles E. Schumer Barbara Boxer See what happens when aliens breed with sheep and jackasses? I certainly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you. It did for me. No wonder they support the bill to help illegal aliens!

Ken and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, And every year Ken would say, 'Edna, I'd like to ride in that helicopter' Edna always replied, 'I know Ken, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, And fifty bucks is fifty bucks' One year Ken and Edna went to the fair, and Ken said, 'Edna, I'm 75 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance' To this, Edna replied, "Ken that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks' The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.' Ken and Edna agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, But still not a word... When they landed, the pilot turned to Ken and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!' Ken replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Edna fell out, But you know, "Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!'

Men's Sensitivity Test 1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as: A. Lovemaking. B. Screwing. C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town. 2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you have both shared: A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship. B. Your blood-test results. C. Five tequila slammers. 3. You time your orgasm so that: A. Your partner climaxes first. B. You both climax simultaneously. C. You don't miss ESPN Sports Center. 4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is: A. Healthy, creative love-play. B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to. C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find out about. 5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you have just had sex with is: A. The best part of the experience. B. The second best part of the experience. C. $100 extra. 6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is: A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her. B. Not a problem, she can join your gym. C. A conservative estimate. 7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is: A. A myth. B. An oxymoron. C. A moron. 8. Foreplay is to sex as: A. An appetizer is to entree. B. Primer is to paint. C. A long line is to an amusement park ride. 9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship? A. I hope we can still be friends. B. I'm not in right now; please leave a message at the beep. C. Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU. 10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate: A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy. B. Is uptight and a waste of time. C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place. Evaluating Results: If you answered A more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really ARE a man? Get some of Jim Hake's "Man Pills" If you answered B more than 7 times, check into therapy. You're a little confused. If you answered C more than 7 times, YOU DA' MAN!

Hilarious! I absolutely loved it. Thanks! Ps. That is how I feel sometimes with my business. And mine is legal!

Here's a quote from a government employee who witnessed a recent inter-action between an elderly woman and an antiwar protester in a Metro station in DC. There were protesters on the train platform handing out pamphlets, on the evils of America . I politely declined to take one. The elderly woman was behind me getting off the escalator and a young (20-ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined. The young protester put her hand on the old woman's shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice the young lady said, "Lady, don't you care about the children of Iraq ?" The old woman looked up at her and said, "Honey, my father died in France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea , and a son in Vietnam. All three died so you could have the right to stand here and bad mouth our country.... If you touch me again, I'll stick this umbrella up your ass and open it." ~God Bless America ~

JOB FOR RETIRED GUYS only Finally found a man's job for you retired men out there. Job description: HORSE RIDE ASSISTANT Job location: Beach in Jamaica Salary: $5/week People needed: 3 APPLICANTS (so far): 6,437,943 Duties:

I have had girlfriends who could not do that........

It is not Obama's fault. It is George Bush's. If you do not believe me, just ask Obama

http://www.videobash.com/video_show/turnin...n-3-seconds-904

Excellent!

If everything in this picture is real (and the cat is not dead), it is very cool!

Pointless...

DEATH OF THE OLD COW Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on, and the car comes to a stop. Nancy, in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur, "You get out and check--you were driving." So the chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal is dead but it was old. "You were driving, so you go and tell the farmer," says Nancy. Two hours later the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face.. "My God, what happened to you?" asks Nancy. The chauffeur replies, "When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me." "What on earth did you say?" asks Nancy. "I just knocked on the door and when it opened I said to them, "I'm Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur, and I've just killed the old cow."

Just out of curiosity where is the Drunken Duck Bar?

I am curious as to where you stuck the stamps

Well I am getting fed up with Muslim fundimentalist bolowing thing up, murdering people, and screwing up the world.....

Excellent point Martin.

I was depraved also.

AN IMPORTANT SAFETY MESSAGE The older you get, the more important it is to protect your nose from the sun . . .

Good advice. I have stopped doing it.

Great find Tommy! Thank You

Forget about Joe. Lets ask you. How cheap is life? Better yet, how cheap is it to you? Do you support abortion on demand? How cheap are the lives of the babies terminated in their mothers wombs?

The TV crowd is getting more vicious. The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree and think 25 to life would be appropriate. --- Jay Leno America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask. --- Jay Leno Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal? A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. --- Conan O'Brien Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon? A: A fund raiser. --- Jay Leno Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary? A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners. --- David Letterman Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved? A: America ! --- Jimmy Fallon Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo? A: Bo has papers. --- Jimmy Kimmel Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for clunkers" program? A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road. --- David Letterman

The story of my life!

Okay, we will let it go this time. But we will be watching.......