BigusDicus

A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened. The Marine reported, “I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a mis

Race Discussion

Excellent!

Founding Fathers

Why do you have no sense of humor?

Today's movie classics

I know I have posted this before. Somebody just sent it to me again and I laughed again: Old Cowboy Ya think you have lived to be 71 and know who you are, then along comes someone and blows it all to the dickens... An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?' He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calve

THIS IS IN THE FINAL STAGES AND IN ALL PROBABILITY NOT CURABLE

The words race car spelled backward reads race car. That eat is the only word that if you take the 1st letter and move it to the last, it spells it's past tense ate. And... Have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in "illegal immigrants," and add just a few more letters, it spells out: "Go home, you free-loading, thieving, benefit-grabbing, kid-producing, violent, gang loving, non-English-speaking, and take those hairy-faced, sandal-wearing, bomb-making, goat-loving, smelly raghead, bastards with you." How weird is that?

MAN TEST 1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet...Faggot. 2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you

This from a South African commercial for Gaviscon, an antacid. It illustrates what can go wrong when someone who is ESL (English as a second language) writes the punch line for the advertisement.

Toes?

Perspectives

I am not bragging, but I have actually done this. Right where the picture is. Been a couple of decades at least. http://online.wsj.com/article_email/SB1247...MDExODA5Wj.html PAGE ONEJULY 10, 2009. A Mooning Festival Is Something The Mayor Just Can't Get Behind As Town Turns Its Back on 30-Year-Old Event, Will Train Flashing Go Into Eclipse? By SARAH MCBRIDE The biggest event of the year in Laguna Niguel, Calif., is coming up on Saturday, but Mayor Robert Ming has a message for those planning to attend: Keep your pants on. For 30 years, the town has played

If you gotta go...............

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. David Bissonette After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. Sacha Guitry By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Anonymous The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?" Dumas

A QUIZ FOR PEOPLE WHO KNOW EVERYTHING These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers. 1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. 2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward? 3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables? 4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

In all fairness to his aides, "I'm getting some Argentinean tail," sounds a lot like, "I'm hiking the Appalachian trail," when you're on a fuzzy mobile phone connection. Who hasn't had that kind of innocent misunderstanding?

The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The lady of the house was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase? Maria: Well, Señora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you. Wife: Who said you iron better than me? Maria: 'Your husband said so. Wife: Oh. Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.' Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?' Maria: 'Your husband did.' Wife: 'Oh.' Maria:

Excellent! I am going to steal this one.

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job. The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. You'll be expected to escort her on her verseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll have a two-bedroom apartmen