BigusDicus

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up." "Sure," they said. "You're welcome.'" So the three of them started playing and the two old friends enjoyed the round of golf and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?" "I'm a hit man," was the matter-of-fact reply. "You're joking!" the old friends replied, nearly in unison. "No, I'm not," he said, and he reached into his golf bag and pulled out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools." "That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said one of the old friends. "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here." He picked up the rifle and looked thro ugh the sight in the direction of his house. "Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic! I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha! I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute. That's my neighbor in there with her...... He's naked, too!!!" He turned to the hit man. "How much do you charge for a hit?' "I'll charge a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger." "Can you do two for me now?" "Sure. What do you want?" "First, shoot my wife. She's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor. He has been a long-time friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson." The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes. "Are you going to do it or not?" demanded the friend impatiently. "Just be patient," said the hit man calmly. "I think I can sav e you a grand here."

The pool is small but nice. Great ambience. There are safes in the rooms.

They do not pay any attention to who you bring back.

It is a gem. Clean rooms, good food, no problems bring back babes. I had problems with a intermitent Internet signal during the night. Would probaly be enough for most users. I need a full constant signal because I make long business calls. Would constantly drop. I had to change hotels. If you just need to browse the web it would work fine.

A blonde went into a mechanic shop and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. They all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred-ten?' She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one..' She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there. The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked 'is there a 710 on this car?' She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.' click here.... http://www.hotautoweb.com/cogifs/710.jpg

The Blonde and the Lord A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally... getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice. After positioning her comfy foot stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, 'THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.' Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed, 'THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.' The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her ho le. The voice came once more, 'THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.' She stopped, looked skyward, and said, 'IS THAT YOU LORD?' The voice replied, 'NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK!

I know her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2triiYXSY8&feature=bz303

Good one. I am going to steal it!

Are prices in the UK still rising? Have gone flat or are dropping here in S California.

The heartless hussies. My God! The horror of it all!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AScoMhVZQnw

Geez, I miss PSA. They really were a great airline! Used to fly them every week between here and San Francisco. Best looking stews, bar none. Seriously, no other airline came close. I dated one off and on for a year or two many, many years ago. Blonde cutie named Lisa (she had a little sister, Susie who was even cuter. She worked at the family dry cleaning shop here in Newport Beach on the corner of Balboa Blvd & PCH. I tried to do Susie one time and it screwed things up with Lisa. Go figure!). I wonder whatever happened to them? Hummm, a walk down mammary lane. US Airlines has screwed up ever airline they have purchased. Every single one!

In room Internet? Hard wired or wireless?

BLONDE LOGIC Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?????" CAR TROUBLE A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?" SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!" RIVER WALK There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side." AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me." The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you? "Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde." "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken." KNITTING A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!" BLONDE ON THE SUN A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one d ay. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!" IN A VACUUM A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?" FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES! A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "HELLLOOOOOOO.....," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

A chicken farmer went to a local bar... sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass ofchampagne, too!" "What a coincidence," the farmer says, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating." "This is a special day for me too, I'm also celebrating!" says the woman. "What a coincidence," says the man. As they clinked glasses the farmer asked, "What are you celebrating?" "My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynecologist told me that I'm pregnant!" "What a coincidence," says the man .. "I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs." "That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?" "I used a different cock," he replied. The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence..."

Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office... but she was dating someone else. One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, "I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you..." The girl looked at him, and then said, "NO!" Eddie said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up." She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boy friend...so she called him and explained the situation. Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down." She agreed and accepts the proposal. Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened...? Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The bastard had all quarters!" Management lesson: Always consider a business proposition in it's entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!

And I never come in their mouths when I promise I will not.

When I first arrived around 10 PM the electricity seem to be out on all the businesses including Insomnia on the little alley at the end of Soi Diamond. Strangely, in the middle of it all Diamond A Go-G0 had electricity and was going strong. They have some pretty girls in there. Over the years there have always been a few lesbians who work there with a strong following of local Thai babes who patronize the place. A local middle aged Thai woman (with a definite butch appearance) walked in with an entourage of 5-6 girls. All seemed to have been drinking heavily and continued to do so. The woman was having a grand old time, buying bucket after bucket of ping pong balls and cavorting with the babes. She could give some our hard charging mongers a run for their money. I really enjoyed watching her and the babes. I almost succumbed to a tall, charming 20 year old babe with an awesome full figure. She lost me when she insisted "I only Sa-moke little". She had that farm fresh innocent look to her that JoeKicker referred to. And I really like that. Almost took her but decided to check Insominia one more time and see if the lights were on. They were. Insomnia Gentlemen's Club Quick rundown with prices: Nice, stylish club. Trendy, hip. Downstairs has a bar and 2 small stages in center of room, usually one dancer each. Dancer wear nice dresses with stylish Come Fuck Me pumps. Generally speaking - good looking, polished with sensual, understated moves. Upstairs same basic layout dance stage wise. There are several ST rooms that have been previously discussed in this thread. The dancers do 2 songs each, disrobing for the second song. Music is much louder. In my opinion too loud. Had a lot of trouble hearing the girl I was sitting with. Everybody in the room seemed to be having a good time. The patrons were younger guys, primarily late 20's/30's. A rather famous FLB board member was sitting on a sofa surrounded by a bevy of babes when I walked in. You all know him, his pictures and exploits are constantly in these columns - I am discrete, I will not say who. I have chatted with several girls there over the last 2 nights. All spoke reasonably good English. And now for what you all are waiting for: PRICES I was quoted by the girl I ended up taking back to my hotel: For the ST rooms on premises 500 baht BF (includes use of the room) 1,000 for her services. BF to go to hotel 800 baht, 1500 baht for ST services. I forgot to ask about LT prices, sorry guys. I did not try to bargain. I do not need grief from those of you who do please. I am a 4 week millionaire. Most of the time it is just not worth it to me to haggle. Insomnia Gentlemen's Club. Overall I like it. Definitely pricey. The drink prices seemed reasonable. I wish the music volume upstairs was lower. A nice collection of babes. I would not spend every night there but I am sure I will make a few more visits before I leave.

Okay Guys, A very cute young thing I brought back with me tonight from Insomnia has just left my room. I am far to tired and just a tad too drunk to do a full report at the moment. I will say this: She: Cute, personable, and eager to please (not the one I talked with last night by the way). She spent 2.5 hours with me on an agreed upon ST visit. Insomnia: this place is not for everybody. Not perfect by any means. But a welcome break from the "Same/Same" of most of the other clubs in town. I like it! But what do I know? I am just a crazy guy from S Calif!

As I mentioned previously, I was dead tired and burned out last night. While I did not discuss financial details with the cutie I sat with, she seemed eager (not pushy) to be barfined. I told her "I have no power" but would return tomorrow. She seemed content. Just out of curiosity I asked her if she liked "Sa-moke". She smiled and said "little bit". I pouted and said I enjoyed being Sa-moked alot! After a while I checked bin and said to her, "I'll see you later". She waved goodbye and also said "see you later", then laughed and said, "No, I'll Sa-moke you later". We both laughed. It is almost 6 PM. I have spent the afternoon drinking and whoring on Soi 6. Damn, I had fully intended to be back here earlier and half way sober. Going to sleep for a while and charge up for this evening at Insomnia!!!!

I was there late tonight- 2 AM ish. Very nice, and I was only downstairs. Sat down and was immediately pounced upon by a cute little thing, only seven days on the job. Adorable! Just did not have the energy to go upstairs. Still fighting jet lag and had spent the afternoon and early evening with a cutie from TQ. The little girl seemed very receptive to an evening of frolic, deserved better than I could have given tonight. I just came back to the hotel. Damn, I disappoint myself. Overall the girls were polished, more sophisticated than most in Pattaya. Personally, I like that. Nice place - in the words of our California governor -"I'll Be Back"

Guys, I am a tomato fanatic. My girlfriend and I grow several varieties of heirloom tomatoes at home. To me a 'Caprese' salad (tomato, fresh buffalo mozzarella, thinly sliced onion, fresh basil) is as good as it gets. Almost as good as sex (hum, perhaps my sex life could improve....). I originally replied to the above quote with agreement. Had never seen a good tomato at either a restaurant or markets such as Tops or Big C. I am currently in Pattaya. Have been walking across 2nd Road at Soi 13 to the new mall. There is a market there. Cannot remember the name, perhaps Villa? The whole mall is still a work in progress as is the store. They have a ways to go in some areas before they will fully challenge Tops or Big C. I am very impressed with their meat and produce sections. The selection of tomatoes is very good.

New reports anytime soon????

A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm And we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate,'' not fascinating. Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated'' The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate."...not fascinated. Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate," so she called on him. Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight." The teacher sat down and cried.