BigusDicus

Sometimes we are lucky, sometimes we are not.

I do not think I saw it.

All of you international travelers should be aware of this important warning notice from the government of Mozambique.

hum....

Top Ten Country & Western Songs: 10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine. 9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With a Few. 8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me. 7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'. 6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win. 5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here. 4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him. 3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger. 2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer. And the Number One Country & Western song is... 1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day Long.

'Okay, here's the plan:' 1) Back off and allow those men who want to marry men, marry men. 2) Allow those women who want to marry women, marry women. 3) Allow those folks who want to abort their babies, abort their babies. 4) In four generations, there will be no democrats!!! 'Man, I love it when a plan comes together!'

Is this statutory rape???

The numbers a dropping fast. LA Times this week anounced more cuts. 15% less printed pages and cut several hundred jobs.

Demographics of American Newspapers 1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country 2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country. 3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles. 4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts. 5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country -- if they could find the time -- and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it. 6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a poor job of it , thank you very much. 7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train. 8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated . 9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores. 10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are o ccasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of course, that they are not Republicans. 11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store. 12. The Minneapolis Star Tribune is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something in which to wrap it .

25 plus years ago I had a Cadillac Seville. Met a girl at an El Torito Mexican restaurant. Was married at the time and did not have a place to take her. We drove up El Toro Canyon Rd, I turned off onto a little dirt road and drove a hundred yards or so. We were making out on the front seat (caddy's were bench seating back then, no center console), I stood up on the seat, my head and torso out the moonroof, facing the rear of the car. Stuck my dick in her mouth. She was very good, did not take me long to cum. I was standing there in bliss, looking down at her face with my shriveling dick still in her mouth. She swallowed, smiled and said "we have to go back to the restaurant, my friends will be missing me". Within 2-3 seconds of me sitting down a spotlight from an OC Sheriffs car illuminated us. He rolled down his window and asked if we were having problems, big fat grin on his face. I said no, we had been talking and were just leaving. 5 seconds earlier we would have been busted!

Amen!

I think I would put the teenagers under having a stroke category

I wonder. Does Viagra work at 75 after a life of hard living, drugs n booze?

Well gee, you know how simple minded I am Joe.

Funny! Was this really on Letterman?

Yes, but it would be money wisley spent on a house in her name I would bet....

Military Rules Marine Rules 1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one. 2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough. 3. Have a plan. 4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work. 5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet. 6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a '4.' 7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive. 8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.) 9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. 10... Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours. 11... Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose. 12... In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived. 13... If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot. Navy SEAL's Rules: 1. Look very cool in sunglasses. 2. Kill every living thing within view. 3. Adjust Speedo. 4. Check hair in mirror. US Army Rangers Rules: 1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving. 2. Locate individuals requiring killing. 3. Request permission via radio from 'Higher' to perform killing. 4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted. 5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving. US Army Rules: 1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order. 2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee. 3. Curse bitterly. 4. Curse bitterly. 5. Do not listen to 2nd LTs; it can get you killed. 6. Curse bitterly. US Air Force Rules: 1. Have a cocktail. 2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner. 3. See what's on HBO. 4. Ask 'What is a gunfight?' 5. Request more funding from Congress with a 'killer' Power Point presentation. 6. Wine & dine ''key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives. 7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets. 8. Declare the assets 'strategic' and never deploy them operationally. 9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time. 10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption. US Navy Rules: 1. Go to Sea. 2. Drink Coffee. 3. Deploy Marines Go Navy ! U.S. Navy Directive 16134 ( Inappropriate T-Shirts ) The following directive was issued by the commanding officer of all naval installations in the Middle East. (It was obviously directed at the Marines.) To: All Commands Subject: Inappropriate T-Shirts Ref: ComMidEast For Inst 16134//24 K All commanders promulgate upon receipt. The following T-shirts are no longer to be worn on or off base by any military or civilian personnel serving in the Middle East: 1. 'Eat Pork or Die' [both English and Arabic versions] 2.. 'Shrine Busters' [Various. Show burning minarets or bomb/artillery shells impacting Islamic shrines. Some with unit logos.] 3.. 'Napalm, Sticks Like Crazy' [both English and Arabic versions] 4.. 'Goat - it isn't just for breakfast any more.' [both English and Arabic versions] 5.. 'The road to Paradise begins with me.' [Mostly Arabic versions, but some in English. Some show sniper scope cross-hairs.] 6.. 'Guns don't kill people. I kill people.' [both Arabic and English versions] 7.. 'Pork. The other white meat.' [Arabic version] 8.. 'Infidel' [English, Arabic and other coalition force languages.] The above T-shirts are to be removed from Post Exchanges upon receipt of this directive. In addition, the following signs are to be removed upon receipt of this message: 1.. 'Islamic Religious Services Will Be Held at the Firing Range at 0800 Daily.' 2.. 'Do we really need 'smart bombs' to drop on these dumb bastards?' All commands are instructed to implement sensitivity training upon receipt.

Whether or not you are a country music fan, this is truly the work of a deep thinker, and highly intelligent person. So simple, yet so profound. Words of wisdom from that Famous philosopher Willie Nelson, on his 75th birthday: 'I have outlived my dick'

Your wife decides to go out with her friends drinking and dancing.... You're okay with it, because you get to watch sports and play on the Internet all night... You hear her stumble into bed around 4 and laugh knowing she's going to have a monster hangover.... You wake up next morning and go outside to the family Volvo, which she used last night.... You sigh in relief because it's all in one piece.... You circle the car looking for dents and find none.... But ... Wait a minute ~

I have stayed at the Whitehouse several times over the last 3 years. Generally speaking my experiences have been positive. I stay in the standard rooms. My visits are usually 3-4 weeks. The costs difference for a deluxe room or suite really adds up. I have friends who have stayed in the suites or deluxe rooms. Seem very nice. My rooms have always been clean and well maintained. About the only complaint I have is that they seem to have some kind of drainage problem. There can be a bit of a smell from the drains in the shower/bathroom. They do have a hardwire ethernet Internet connection in the rooms which I prefer over wireless. Surrounded by tall buildings most rooms do not have a view. I would guess they try to run a more low key, sedate environment hotel. I do not think they want heavy drinking, loud partying types coming back with 3-4 girls. Something I used to do quite often in my younger days at the Flipper Lodge and/or the Nova Lodge.

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.' Yes, she says, 'I remember it well.' OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?' Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!' A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?' Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.

After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and health: 1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us; 2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us; 3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us; 4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us; and 5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us. CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you. Our Government is Trying To Correct This Problem.

Absolutely correct sir!

Hilarious!

I tried using them once. They did not show to pick me up at BKK.