BigusDicus

Two English businessmen in London were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now s ome idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.' No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Irishman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick Irish accent Asked 'What might ye be sellin' here?' One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling ass-holes.' Without skipping a be

Very good!

Love it!

Martin, you realize you are "looking a gift hog in the mouth"? Sorry, just could not help myself!

This really works. A friend of mine, talked to me about the Atkins Diet, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, & of course, The South Beach Diet. Since she is a nurse, & has done a lot of study & research on dieting, I truly think she has finally found the real answer to weight loss: The Dawn Keye Diet -

On a train from London to Manchester, an American tourist was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment. "You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lips make you above the rest of us. Look at me ... I'm me, I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Indian blood and some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?" The Englishman replied, "Very sporting of your mother."

WARNING FROM THE MIDDLE EAST This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of Migration, Mohammed Omar, warned the United States that if military action against Iraq continues, Taliban authorities will cut off America's supply of convenience store managers, and will no longer finance candidates for President of the United States . And if this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Dell and AOL customer service re

so true!

I can appreciate your sentiments about Obama. It would seem the press and so many people got caught up in his charisma and charm. Nobody really took a good look at him. Now that the charm is beginning to wear thin he is being examined much more closely. Many are not thrilled with what they see. I wonder if they began the primary process over how well he would do? Quite a corner the libs and democrats have painted themselves into. McCain, a decrepit geezer? My politics tend to lean to the right in most areas. For the most part conservative I have had many p

Cool!

SMART BUTT ANSWER #5-- It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 'What are my choices?' John asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied. SMART BUTT ANSWER #4 -- A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.' SMART ANSWER #3 -- A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the gr

Here is one of the better ideas. Let's all get behind this one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There are less than eight months until the election, an election that will decide the next President of the United States . The person elected will be the President of all Americans, not just the Democrats or the Republicans. To show our solidarity as Americans, let's all get together and show each other our support for the candidate of our choice. It's time that we all came together, Democrats and Republicans alike. If you support the policies and character of John McCain, ple

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?' He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.' She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower,

Yuk!

Two Radical Arab Terrorists boarded a flight out of London . One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat... Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, 'I need to get up and get a coke.' 'Don't get up,' said the Marine, 'I'm in the aisle seat, 'I'll get it for you.' As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the Limo, the driver notices that the Pope is still has not entered the Limo. 'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'. 'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican , and I'd really like to drive today.' 'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I can't let you do that. I'd lose my job!'. 'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile. Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver qui

Are you serious? Can you think of anything he didn't mess up? Anything he was successful at? He was by far the most incompetent president we have ever had. His behavior today is beyond despicable.

Groan!

Most countries have those types, including the countries where they are not allowed to vote. BTW, I wonder what "type" voted for Jimmy Carter?

Got to have a sense of humor here.....perhaps sometimes, just sometimes we are a tad self-absorbed!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=KKS6q-0dwgM

Now that the rainy season in California is over I no longer need these. Of course it is about to begin in Thailand. anybody have a need?

Excellent joke!

Another of Einstein 's Theories Einstein was born March 14, 1879. He would be 128 if he were alive today. Few people remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919. At the time he stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was so well endowed. He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is even stronger if there is a DNA connection. This came to be known as....... Einstein's Theory of 'Relative Titty'

I know this is an old one. someone just sent it to me - gets me everytime!