BigusDicus

Do you know what happened this week back in 1850, 158 years ago? California became a state. .....The State had no electricity. .....The State had no money. .....Almost everyone spoke Spanish. .....There were gunfights in the streets. So basically, it was just like it is today..........except the women had real breasts and the men didn't hold hands.

I always look for ways out. Habit. I remember being in Lucifer's. Jam packed. Looked for 'ways out'. Many, many would not make it out in the ev ent of fire/smoke.

The World's Shortest Fairy Tale Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted. THE END

Exactly !

McDonald's and KFC are changing that rapidly.

Projects around the world are grinding to a halt. Delayed, canceled, or downsized. I would not recommend buying anything that is not completely finished. I would not recommend buying anything anywhere. Prices are dropping and likely will continue to do so for several years.

She was standing in the kitchen preparing to soft boil eggs for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in almost awake, she turned and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment.' My eyes lit up and I thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day.' Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all. Right there on the kitchen table. Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her 'T' shirt still around her neck. A little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?' She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.'

Worlds Happiest Couple

Tragic news from up north

QUOTE(BigusDicus @ Dec 19 2008, 12:49 PM) The Holiday Inn in San Jose, Costa Rica is not guest friendly... Last year I inquired at the front desk. Was told there was a $40 'guest fee'. From my perspective that is not 'guest friendly'.

Don't ever question the bravery of our soldiers!

The Holiday Inn in San Jose, Costa Rica is not guest friendly...

Microsoft to Fix Critical Internet Explorer Security Flaw Wednesday, December 17, 2008 SAN FRANCISCO — Microsoft Corp. is taking the unusual step of issuing an emergency fix for a security hole in its Internet Explorer software that has exposed millions of users to having their computers taken over by hackers. The "zero-day" vulnerability, which came to light last week, allows criminals to take over victims' machines simply by steering them to infected Web sites; users don't have to download anything for their computers to get infected, which makes the flaw in Internet Explorer's programming code so dangerous. Internet Explorer is the world's most widely used Web browser. Microsoft said it plans to ship a security update, rated "critical," for the browser on Wednesday. People with the Windows Update feature activated on their computers will get the patch automatically. Thousands of Web sites already have been compromised by criminals looking to exploit the flaw. The bad guys have loaded malicious code onto those sites that automatically infect visitors' machines if they're using Internet Explorer and haven't employed a complicated series of workarounds that Microsoft has suggested. Microsoft said it has seen attacks targeting the flaw only in Internet Explorer 7, the most widely used version, but has cautioned that all other current editions of the browser are vulnerable. Microsoft rarely issues security fixes for its software outside of its regular monthly updates. The company last did it in October, and a year and half before that.

!

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were interested, Both said they were very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor then checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy b aby with virtually no pain, and the husband had experienced none. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home they found the UPS man dead on the porch.

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you cannot eat or hump it, Piss on it and walk away....

Excellent!

Once upon a time a man appeared in a village and announced to the villagers that he would buy donkeys for $10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many donkeys around, went out and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He next announced that he would now buy donkeys at $20 each. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching donkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of donkeys became so scarce it was an effort to even find a donkey, let alone catch it! The ma n now announced that he would buy donkeys at $50 each! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would buy on his behalf. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers: "Look at all these donkeys in the big cage that the man has already collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each." The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the donkeys for 700 billion dollars. They never saw the man or his assistant again, only lots and lots of asses! Now you have a better understanding of how the WALL STREET BAILOUT PLAN WILL WORK !!!!

Dear Employees, Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management. Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle. Sincerely, The Management

Captain, What did $19,000 cover exactly?

If your bellybutton is an integral component of a tattoo.................you might be a redneck.

Hangover Finalists 2007

Hangover Finalists 2007

I am in the middle of a 'dental implant'. Had to have one molar pulled. By the time the implant is finished with a new tooth: $3,850 !!!!!! Problem is it must be done in two month apart stages. No choice but to do it here, unless I was to travel to LOS 3 times over the next 6 months.

Imagine a beautiful beach with white sand, listening to the gently rocking background noise from the waves. Beautiful bodies enjoying the warm sun, your third beer just emptied and dozing off in the sun lounger. Suddenly, a cloud appears, making you realize that your tranquil peace is about to change ......... You look up and............ HOLY .... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!