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BigusDicus

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Everything posted by BigusDicus

  1. Military Rules Marine Rules 1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one. 2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough. 3. Have a plan. 4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work. 5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet. 6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a '4.' 7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive. 8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diag
  2. Whether or not you are a country music fan, this is truly the work of a deep thinker, and highly intelligent person. So simple, yet so profound. Words of wisdom from that Famous philosopher Willie Nelson, on his 75th birthday: 'I have outlived my dick'
  3. Your wife decides to go out with her friends drinking and dancing.... You're okay with it, because you get to watch sports and play on the Internet all night... You hear her stumble into bed around 4 and laugh knowing she's going to have a monster hangover.... You wake up next morning and go outside to the family Volvo, which she used last night.... You sigh in relief because it's all in one piece.... You circle the car looking for dents and find none.... But ... Wait a minute ~
  4. I have stayed at the Whitehouse several times over the last 3 years. Generally speaking my experiences have been positive. I stay in the standard rooms. My visits are usually 3-4 weeks. The costs difference for a deluxe room or suite really adds up. I have friends who have stayed in the suites or deluxe rooms. Seem very nice. My rooms have always been clean and well maintained. About the only complaint I have is that they seem to have some kind of drainage problem. There can be a bit of a smell from the drains in the shower/bathroom. They do have a hardwire ethernet Inte
  5. The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.' Yes, she says, 'I remember it well.' OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?' Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!' A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having
  6. After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and health: 1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us; 2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us; 3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us; 4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us; and
  7. I tried using them once. They did not show to pick me up at BKK.
  8. The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?' The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, 'First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills th
  9. Right across 2nd Rd at Soi 13 there is a new mall with a huge shiny new gym.
  10. Two English businessmen in London were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now s ome idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.' No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Irishman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick Irish accent Asked 'What might ye be sellin' here?' One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling ass-holes.' Without skipping a be
  11. Martin, you realize you are "looking a gift hog in the mouth"? Sorry, just could not help myself!
  12. This really works. A friend of mine, talked to me about the Atkins Diet, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, & of course, The South Beach Diet. Since she is a nurse, & has done a lot of study & research on dieting, I truly think she has finally found the real answer to weight loss: The Dawn Keye Diet -
  13. On a train from London to Manchester, an American tourist was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment. "You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lips make you above the rest of us. Look at me ... I'm me, I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Indian blood and some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?" The Englishman replied, "Very sporting of your mother."
  14. WARNING FROM THE MIDDLE EAST This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of Migration, Mohammed Omar, warned the United States that if military action against Iraq continues, Taliban authorities will cut off America's supply of convenience store managers, and will no longer finance candidates for President of the United States . And if this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Dell and AOL customer service re
  15. I can appreciate your sentiments about Obama. It would seem the press and so many people got caught up in his charisma and charm. Nobody really took a good look at him. Now that the charm is beginning to wear thin he is being examined much more closely. Many are not thrilled with what they see. I wonder if they began the primary process over how well he would do? Quite a corner the libs and democrats have painted themselves into. McCain, a decrepit geezer? My politics tend to lean to the right in most areas. For the most part conservative I have had many p
  16. SMART BUTT ANSWER #5-- It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 'What are my choices?' John asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied. SMART BUTT ANSWER #4 -- A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.' SMART ANSWER #3 -- A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the gr
  17. Here is one of the better ideas. Let's all get behind this one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There are less than eight months until the election, an election that will decide the next President of the United States . The person elected will be the President of all Americans, not just the Democrats or the Republicans. To show our solidarity as Americans, let's all get together and show each other our support for the candidate of our choice. It's time that we all came together, Democrats and Republicans alike. If you support the policies and character of John McCain, ple
  18. An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?' He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.' She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower,
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