BigusDicus

Can you believe it? This guy wins $181 million in the lottery on a Wednesday; and then, just two days later, finds the love of his life. Talk about LUCK!!!!

Too True

I am sure you will have a great time Rick. I envy you. BUT! Would you book another trip?

WASHINGTON, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation which will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition. "Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said California Senator Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing." In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S.Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability. Private-sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%). Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance. Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires. Finally, the AWNAA Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled......banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?" "As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to her lack of any discernible job skills. "This new law should really help people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Said Senator Ted Kennedy: "As a Senator With No Abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation."

I am reminded of that Paul Simon song with lyics something like: "One man's ceiling Is another man's floor".....

I said it once. I will say it again: AMEN! Excellent!

Pictures Taken At Exactly The Wrong Time

Okay, obviously I did not know how to spell in 3rd grade. I forgot the W, no big deal.

I do not recall ever having any problems.

Your Technical skills Required !!! If anyone of you electronic guru's knows how to connect a surround sound DVD/VCR, please let me know. My new neighbor keeps on asking me for assistance. The wife complains about the time I am spending there, to try and help her - I really don't know how. Here is a photo of what the set-up looks like. Maybe you can help.......!!!

http://www.break.com/my-best-friends-girl/puppy-love.html

What a total piece of total shi........... But I gotta have one! http://www.theonion.com/content/video/sony...stupid_piece_of be sure to watch them all

Very good!

Because spell check doesn't get everything

A man owned a small ranch in Wyoming. The Wage &Hours Board of the Wyoming State Department of Labor claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent. "Well," replied the farmer, "there's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally." "That's the guy I want to talk to ... the half-wit," says the agent. "That would be me," replied the rancher

Hundreds Protest Global Warming

HOW MEN AMUSE THEMSELVES IN TESCO'S. Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford: Dear Mrs. Murray, While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras: 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened. 5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove. 7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' 8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it. 9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were. 10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the Mission Impossible' theme. 11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look' using different size funnels. 12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled 'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!' 13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.' And; last, but not least: 14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'

China Air is a real pain when it comes to carry on. I do not think they would let you take your male apendage aboard if it was not attached. Other than carry on they are not bad.

I’m sure you have all heard the Christian Bale fuc$ing tirade all over the news, well some clever person mashed it with a Bill O’Reilly vid and put it on You Tube. Very clever and funny! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gbz6-7c_7Hk

Oh Gee! I would cry myself to sleep. Seriously - Recommend you stop be so overly sensitive and PC. Learn to laugh!

Don't cheat by enlarging the eye chart! Can you spot the 44th president of the United States of America in the chart below?

Don't just look quickly and think what's wrong with a butterfly. If you look a little longer, well I can't believe some girl would walk around with that on her back. But there again she may not have seen it and did just ask for a butterfly on her back!

Just in case any of you think you have a crappy job.