BigusDicus

WARNING FROM THE MIDDLE EAST This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of Migration, Mohammed Omar, warned the United States that if military action against Iraq continues, Taliban authorities will cut off America's supply of convenience store managers, and will no longer finance candidates for President of the United States . And if this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Dell and AOL customer service reps., and then Motel 6 managers. It's getting ugly...........

so true!

I can appreciate your sentiments about Obama. It would seem the press and so many people got caught up in his charisma and charm. Nobody really took a good look at him. Now that the charm is beginning to wear thin he is being examined much more closely. Many are not thrilled with what they see. I wonder if they began the primary process over how well he would do? Quite a corner the libs and democrats have painted themselves into. McCain, a decrepit geezer? My politics tend to lean to the right in most areas. For the most part conservative I have had many problems with McCain over the years. But I have always had tremendous respect for him. US Navy Carrier fighter Pilot. One must be absolutely top drawer in every sense to even have a shot. Only a handful make it. A genuine war hero. Five and one half years in a Vietnamese prisoner camp, beaten, tortured. Offered and early release by his captors when they found out his father was an admiral. He refused and stayed with his men. Agree or disagree with him, he has courage and is a genuine man of honor. Obama versus McCain....jeez, not really a difficult choice. I was not aware there is anything wrong with lobbying for Blackwater? A Nazi pastor? If you look at the mans body of work, he has always been one of Israelis staunchest supports. Has always supported Jewish causes. His comments on Hitler make perfect sense if you read them i their entirety and context. That is a very unfair statement on your part. You know it. OH please! You enjoy Thailand (like most of us) for the abundance and availability of cute promiscuous girls. Not the superior political system

Cool!

SMART BUTT ANSWER #5-- It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 'What are my choices?' John asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied. SMART BUTT ANSWER #4 -- A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.' SMART ANSWER #3 -- A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.' SMART BUT T ANSWER #2 -- The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the cop said. The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.' When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. SMART BUTT ANSWER #1 -- A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, ' Low Bridge Ahead.' Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?' The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.' Two bonus extras: A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, 'May I have 50 Christmas stamps?' The clerk says, 'What denomination?' The blonde says, 'God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.' A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect'.

Here is one of the better ideas. Let's all get behind this one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There are less than eight months until the election, an election that will decide the next President of the United States . The person elected will be the President of all Americans, not just the Democrats or the Republicans. To show our solidarity as Americans, let's all get together and show each other our support for the candidate of our choice. It's time that we all came together, Democrats and Republicans alike. If you support the policies and character of John McCain, please drive with your headlights on during the day. If you support Obama or Hillary, please drive with your headlights off at night.

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?' He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.' She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.' The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?' He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian.'

Yuk!

Two Radical Arab Terrorists boarded a flight out of London . One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat... Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, 'I need to get up and get a coke.' 'Don't get up,' said the Marine, 'I'm in the aisle seat, 'I'll get it for you.' As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, 'That looks good, I'd really like one,too.' Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marines other shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. 'Why does it have to be this way?' he asked. 'How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?' THE FEW. THE PROUD. THE MARINES. THE BEST!

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the Limo, the driver notices that the Pope is still has not entered the Limo. 'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'. 'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican , and I'd really like to drive today.' 'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I can't let you do that. I'd lose my job!'. 'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile. Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the Limo to 105 mph. 'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear police sirens. 'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!', moans the driver. The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his Motorcycle, and gets on the radio. 'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a Limo going 105. 'So bust him,' says the Chief. 'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop. The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?' Cop: 'Bigger.' Chief: 'A senator?' Cop: 'Bigger.' Chief: 'The President?' Cop: 'Bigger.' "So," said the Chief, 'Who is it?' Cop: 'I think it's God!' The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?' 'Well', said the Cop: His chauffeur is the Pope!'.

Are you serious? Can you think of anything he didn't mess up? Anything he was successful at? He was by far the most incompetent president we have ever had. His behavior today is beyond despicable.

Groan!

Most countries have those types, including the countries where they are not allowed to vote. BTW, I wonder what "type" voted for Jimmy Carter?

Got to have a sense of humor here.....perhaps sometimes, just sometimes we are a tad self-absorbed!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=KKS6q-0dwgM

Now that the rainy season in California is over I no longer need these. Of course it is about to begin in Thailand. anybody have a need?

Excellent joke!

Another of Einstein 's Theories Einstein was born March 14, 1879. He would be 128 if he were alive today. Few people remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919. At the time he stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was so well endowed. He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is even stronger if there is a DNA connection. This came to be known as....... Einstein's Theory of 'Relative Titty'

I know this is an old one. someone just sent it to me - gets me everytime!

I have a new dermatologist. She is late 20's, of Korean ethnicity, very good looking! Last year she did a full body exam for the first time. I got a hard on! I saw her last week for my second annual full exam. She asked me to leave my underwear on this time At least she did not have to ask me to stop masturbating.

Ouch!

Keep this in mind in case you have a job application, or in case you want to live life to its fullest. You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about. Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or, you could take the old friend because he once saved your life and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. Howev er, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again. YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS................The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the old lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams." Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box." HOWEVER....another option to consider: Run over the old lady and put her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of your car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers. God, I just love happy endings...........

There I was on my way to work ... getting into a fight was the farthest thing from my mind ... It wasn't even on the horizon ... I was in a great mood ... and then .. I rear-ended the car in front of me. So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the other car ... (and you know how when you get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get kinda funny)? Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it ... he was a DWARF! He storms over to my car, he looks up at me and shouts, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!' So, I look down at him and say, 'Well, which one are you then?' That's when the fight started... ... (Maybe I should have thought of him as a Little Person?)

Damn! You could be right. That means I am turning into a lesbian.

Damn you N3! Just sprayed my keyboard with red wine. Was laughing so hard!