BigusDicus

And of course everyone knows about those who text in pink. There is just no hiding it

Deep Conversation Between Bill Gates and Steve Jobs

When Insults Had Class These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress." "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway). "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912) "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

I always knew it. It is so obvious

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship. Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "Very good," said the teacher. Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events." "Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.. Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath ... Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?" "Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?" "I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample." They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog crap!" Then I would say,"It is dog crap. Wanna buy a toothbrush?" "I used the governmental approach of giving you something crappy for free, and then making you pay to get the crappy taste out of your mouth."

http://www.popularmechanics.com/technology...click=pm_latest Airbus and Dreamliner Battle for Air Space The talk of the commercial aviation world has been dominated for years by the sales conflict between Boeing's 787 Dreamliner and Airbus's A380. Now both planes are finally airborne—the A380 flying for airlines, the 787 in test flights. Here's how the airplanes match up in the global marketplace. Hot Ticket for the World's Biggest Passenger Jet http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1000142405...2939329664.html Before they ever leave New York's Kennedy Airport for Paris, tourists pose to take pictures in front of it, as though it were the Eiffel Tower or the Statue of Liberty. But this is not a monument, just a monumental airplane. Though it has been a slow-seller with airlines, the $300 million Airbus A380 has been a hit with travelers. Jason Digby and his wife Susanne came to New York a day early from Mississippi just to connect to the double-deck jet that is the largest passenger airplane in the sky. Even after 32 months, enthusiasts still seek out the airplane with the giant forehead, and airlines say it draws stronger bookings and higher prices than other wide-body jets. Some people just want to say they've flown the behemoth, which can carry more than 500 passengers. "It made the flight seem short. I wish it had been longer," said Mr. Digby after landing in Paris on Air France Flight 7, on his way to a vacation in Crete. He was dazzled by the A380's unique tail-mounted camera, which gives a birds-eye view of the plane and everything in front of it during takeoff, landing and throughout the flight. Fliers are also amazed at what it doesn't have—all the engine noise. "It's quieter than any other plane I've been on," said Benoit Marchal of Paris. He also picked the A380 from among Air France's five daily flights in each direction between New York and Paris just to be on the A380. "I've heard about the A380 for years and I wanted to try it," he said. Part of the novelty is that they are still relatively rare. Indeed, only 30 A380s are in service at five airlines so far, though Airbus has orders for another 234. Still, amenities on the A380 haven't quite lived up to their pre-production hype. The company touted grand visions of luxuries on board, pitching the A380 as a flying hotel or cruise ship, with duty free shops on board, restaurant-style dining areas or even gyms, casinos and beauty parlors. But demand for cheap tickets prompted airlines to be more conventional. So for the most part, they opted for lots and lots of seats, with an occasional stand-up bar for premium passengers. A few exceptions: Singapore Airlines offers first-class suites—private cabins with double beds (the airline has a no-sex policy). Emirates has a shower cabin installed on its A380s for first-class passengers. (You get 25 minutes in the shower cabin with five minutes of water.) Because of the vast differences in service and cabins, fares aboard the same flight can vary as widely as the 262-foot wingspan of the plane. On Singapore Airlines, for example, an Aug. 14-21 round-trip between London and Singapore on A380 flights was priced Wednesday at $14,505 for a suite, or $1,556 for a coach seat. On Australia's Qantas Airways, the span was even greater. A coach seat from Los Angeles to Sydney and back on A380 flights for the same dates could be had for as little as $818; first-class seats on the same flights cost $24,538 round-trip. With the economic downturn, some first-class seats are already losing out on the super-jumbo plane to yet more economy seats. Qantas, which flies A380s from Sydney and Melbourne to Los Angeles, London and Singapore, has four classes of service: first, business, economy and "premium economy," which gives travelers almost as much space as they get in domestic, first-class seats on U.S. airlines. But the airline has decided to ax first class from future A380 deliveries and add more premium economy and coach seating, a reflection of customer reluctance to spend lavishly for first-class. In coach, passengers find the same cramped quarters of most other jets on the super-jumbo. Seating is 10 across on the lower deck; eight abreast on the narrower upper deck. Air France, with 538 total seats, opted for a slightly wider coach seat than other A380 operators, but loses some space in the aisles, which are a skinny 17-inches wide in the lower-deck coach cabin. "Seat pitch"—the amount of space allocated to each row of seats, including leg room—is only 31 to 32 inches in the A380 coach cabins, consistent with some of the tightest coach seating at airlines, and less than you get on Southwest Airlines. One unique A380 coach advantage: The side walls of the lower deck bow out, instead of in, so shoulder room for people in window seats is spacious. The tight quarters haven't deterred customers, who find the quiet cabin, staircases between the decks, camera views of the airplane, seat-back entertainment systems with big screens and more options, and the buzz of the unique airplane to all be reasons to prefer A380 tickets over other planes. Dominique Patry, vice president of international affairs and alliances at Air France, says the percentage of seats sold on the A380 is five points higher than any other flight on that route. Qantas Chief Executive Alan Joyce said his airline has seen the percentage of its 450 seats filled on an A380 run about two to three percentage points higher than on its Boeing 747 jumbo jets, even though the fares Qantas charges for A380 flights run 2% to 3% higher as well. In surveys, satisfaction scores on the A380 have been higher than Qantas has seen for any airplane in its history. "The aircraft has an attraction," Mr. Joyce said. "People know there are only a few airlines in the world with it." Singapore Airlines' CEO Chew Choon Seng said routes for his A380s—Singapore to Hong Kong, London, Melbourne, Paris, Sydney, Tokyo and Zurich—all have enough traffic to fill the 471-seat plane. "All of them are doing well," he said. To many airlines, though, the A380 is too big and too expensive. Cathay Pacific, a Hong Kong-based premium airline, prefers smaller Boeing 777-300ERs with longer range. "Whenever we studied it, and we studied it quite closely, we always found a more effective solution," said Cathay CEO Tony Tyler. Another factor: Because so much cargo space is taken up on the A380 by passenger baggage—there are two decks worth of passengers, but only one deck for cargo—the A380's cargo capacity isn't as large as the 777-300ER, Mr. Tyler notes. Given the high price tag on the plane and the preference among many U.S. travelers for the convenience of frequent flights, airline executives say it's unlikely any U.S. carrier will fly the A380 anytime soon. "My perspective is that airplane is a great airplane for certain markets where you can assemble a lot of traffic," said Gerard Arpey, chief executive of AMR Corp.'s American Airlines. But even in his airline's biggest international market—New York to London—leisure and corporate customers want frequency, Mr. Arpey said, and the A380 is too big for American.

Cow, an Ant and an Asshole... A Cow, an Ant and an Asshole are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them. Cow: I give 50 litres of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!! Ant: I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!! . . . . . . . . . . .Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to say something...

My neighbors, the two cute, young, lesbians next door, asked me what I would like for my birthday. I was quite surprised, when they gave me a Timex! It was very nice of them, but I'm pretty sure that they misunderstood me, when I said: "I wanna watch !"

Mook, go stand in the corner!

Priceless!

Funny, I like it.

A wise old man...

Just bring a can or two with you!!!!!! It is time to shut this thread down

Do not go spreading rumors please

Finally an error message which actually offers a solution

Low carb, fat free.....

Poor Bob Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?' His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. 'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league. When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?' 'I recognize her she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.' A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, 'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?' Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, 'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.'

Funny! Actually I believe Fields said fuck rather than screw.....

How to speak Womanese

That is pretty good. Doubt if we would see it on USA TV.

How do YOU pronounce Oklahoma? Do you think it's correct? There is a right way and a wrong way to pronounce Oklahoma . If you say OK ... LAHOMA You're WRONG! The proper way is: OKLA ..... HOMA There's a gap between the 'a' and the 'h'. Here's the proof .....................

Looks nice enough. The 'family friendly' is a concern.

Enjoying a Good Joke!