BigusDicus

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag." "Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me,officer." "Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. "Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?" "Oh, no," said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, why not make the best of it?" "So now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy tries to pee through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.' " "Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?" "Not everybody pays."

Nice pictures. Thank You for sharing.

I have heard a few negative things about this airline. The above and the transfer city in China is problematic supposedly. Might be worth it to save a thousand dollars. Not sure for only $200-300

"skanky Russian clip joint" Interesting Martin....

A guy brings his buddy home for dinner. As soon as they enter the house his wife screams, "You Asshole! My hair & makeup aren't done, the house is a mess, the dishes aren't done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the fuck did you bring him home?" "Cause he's thinking of getting married."

I do the same. An advantage is when you make a call it shows as a US based call. Whatever area code you choose. If someone calls your US based number you can pick up the phone and answer it like you are back in the USA. If you purchase a Magic Jack it is much easier to set it up while still in the US. They check your IP address.

I would guess that the Fed here in the US announcing we are going ease back on our QE is a major part of the equation. Interest rates have bumped up some and will continue to rise. Money people are beginning to pull funds out of third world markets and moving to the US. Third and second world countries - India, China, Brazil and others (including Thailand) are experiencing currency devaluation. Less "cheap funding" for their economies. Chances are the baht will drop further and remain low for some time.

HELGA'S DIARY ON A CRUISE SHIP DEAR DIARY - DAY 1 All packed for the cruise ship -- all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, and short sets. Really, really exciting. Our local Red Hat chapter - The Late Bloomers - decided on this "all-girls" trip.. It will be my first one - and I can't wait! ---------------------------------------------------- DEAR DIARY - DAY 2 Entire day at sea, beautiful. Saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today -- seems like a very nice man. ---------------------------------------------------- DEAR DIARY - DAY 3 At the pool today. Did some shuffleboard, hit golf balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive. --------------------------------------------------- DEAR DIARY - DAY 4 Won $800.00 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a scrumptious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night, but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband. ---------------------------------------------------- DEAR DIARY - DAY 5 Pool again today. Got sunburned, and I went inside to drink at piano-bar, stayed there for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks. Really is quite charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined. He told me that if I did not let him have his way with me, he would sink the ship... I was shocked. ---------------------------------------------------- DEAR DIARY - DAY 6 Today I saved 2600 lives. Twice.

Solid proof that our planet has warmed in the past 300 years

I was too drunk to remember.....

Today's riddle for seniors... Here is the situation: You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop-off. On your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo. What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?.. . . Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round and go home!

Foxhole Decision Time Well the bill that allows gays to serve openly in the Military has passed and was signed into law. No more don't ask don't tell. But what this really has done is cause confusion in the ranks that could easily cost Marine lives. You know that Marines are trained to immediately obey orders. So just imagine...................... You're a Marine...... in a combat situation, an enemy soldier is firing at you, and running toward your position. The guy next to you is openly gay. Then your Squad Leader yells out.......... "Shoot the cocksucker!" Do you see the confusion here?.....

When you are over sixty who gives a shit? This asshole looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?" I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out." *********** I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you." *********** I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs. "Really" she said, "Go on then...try." After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said. "Come on, what day was I born"? I said, "Yesterday." *********** I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in. *********** I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, "Nice legs." The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so." I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. " When you are over sixty who gives a shit?

Perhaps they get an employee discount!

Ed came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ed.' Ed was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!' St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.' Ed was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground.. A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?' 'Not bad,' replied Ed the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!' 'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?' 'Never,' said Ed. 'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.' He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.. As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard..... "Ed, wake up! You just shit the bed!" Getting OLD just ain't what they said it would be!

I am just about ready to sell my elite membership if you are interested. I must warn you, I shan't let it go cheap!

Hey, my neck feels better!

A mantra of the anti-religion left. Repeated over and over the last few decades. Repeated so often that many believe. Despite the facts. Religion did not inspire Stalin to slaughter more than 30 million of his own people. Nor Hitler, Chairman Mao, Pol Pot, etc.. I challenge you Atlas to show us acts inspired by religion that equal or surpass the above.

Nature in all her beauty and splendor can be a remarkably cruel place. In the animal kingdom (and reptile, bugs, etc.) the strong feed on the week, the big on the small, if hungry enough many will feed upon there own kind, dominant males kill their offspring, etc., etc.. Some believe that is God who instilled "good", a sense of right and wrong in mankind. Common sense? I talked previously of the "Slippery Slope". If there are no absolute guideposts it is too easy for man/society to begin to rationalize minors exceptions to "common sense". an then at some point another exception to the exception. And before long you can be far down the slope..... If you wish to take the cynical view that religion is used to control societies, what would be a better way to control? Who would decide who is sick and must be controlled?

There is of course some argument as to whether Hitler actually believed in God or just pretended to keep Eva Braun off his back. Many believed he was an atheist. Regardless, most mass murders and genocides of significance have been perpetrated by Atheists. I grew up hearing and accepting the left's proclamations that religion was responsible for most of the slaughter of the world's innocents. And I have since learned that it simply is not true. " few millions to the many 'Holy Wars' of history". I do not believe there have been millions killed in Holy Wars. Certainly there has been significant loss of life. Just do not know about "millions". The "Crusades" of the middle ages certainly is one of the better know Holy Wars. Muslims/Turkey begin to invade and conquer parts of the Middle East and Mediterranean. Western Europe responds, a bit of back and forth over time. Not sure how many killed.

Tomcat makes an excellent point. Yes religion and those involved can and sometimes have caused harm. But this 'harm' is minuscule in comparison to the good done done by religion for mankind. One can find fault in this very board but the fault is far outweighed by the education and enjoyment provided to its members. I have always respected, enjoyed Christopher Hitchens and his sarcastic, anti-establishment style. While sharing many of his views I disagree with him in regard to the existence of God. I have appreciated that he always articulated his views without the anger, venom, and hatred some of the anti religious espouse. Never a big fan of Al Sharpton but he did make a couple of good points to which Hitchens responded poorly. Unfortunately Sharpton did not follow up. Point 1. Religion sets moral guideposts for mankind to follow. Hitchens responds that these guidepost are not religiously inspired, are basic commonsense rules from within to follow in order. Guidepost that are absolute - such as the Ten Commandments, etc. thou shall not murder, adultery, etc. remain a constant. The problem with 'guideposts' from within and not absolute are subject to modification via rationalization. The old 'Slippery Slope'. Point 2. Hitchens claims some religious people/entities have hurt many people over the years. How many compared to the non-religious? The Atheists? Stalin, atheist: it is estimated he slaughtered approximately thirty million of his own people. Hitler, atheist: responsible for at least 30 perhaps 40 million or more. Chairman Mao, atheist: Slaughtered a lot of fellow Chinese. Estimates range from 25-30 million. Some estimates are dramatically higher. We can go on, mention Cambodia and the 2 million slaughtered by the 'atheist communist, etc.. The point is that the loss of life cause by those in the name of religion, as terrible as it is, pales in comparison the those atrocities committed by those without religious influence.

Scottish Wedding At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled..."Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was almost crushed to death. SEX Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband. Lance Armstrong I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he's achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, whilst he was on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my frig’n bike Drive By A guy broke into my apartment last week.He didn’t take my TV, just the remote. Now he drives by and changes the channels. Sick bastard!! The Agony of Aging On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish. I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back". SCAM Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favourite 18 Holes". Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money! Pass this on so others don't get scammed. Pregnant Prostitute Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?" "For cryin' out loud! If you ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?

Nice find! Thank you.

Very good, thank you!