BigusDicus

Make sure you disable the microphone. If you read the fine print you find that they listen in for "marketing" purposes. I own 2 Samsung TVs. Excellent sets.

Southern Divorce... A judge was interviewing a South Carolina woman regarding her pending divorce and asks, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar," she responded. "I mean," he continued, "what are your relations like?" "I have an aunt and uncle and 12 cousins living here in town, as well as my husband's parents." The judge took a deep breath and asked, "Do you have a real grudge?" "No, we have a two-car carport and have never really needed one cuz we don't have a car." "Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music - all that hip hop and rap tap - but we can't seem to do anything about it." "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?" "Yes, he gets up every morning before I do and makes the coffee." The judge asked, "Is your husband a nagger?" "Oh, hell no, he's as white as you and me!" Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, just tell me why you want a divorce. "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce, my husband does. The fool says he can't communicate with me."

Curious as to how you alcohol intake is affecrd BigD?

I recently sent this jpg out on my normal joke list to a bunch of friends and associates. One of them forwarded it to their friends, one who responded to me with a bitter diatribe about how bad I am make fun of the Clinton's and how dare I do it while she is running for office, etc. Whew, it is just a joke!

Any idea if the Hilton was girl friendly?

New portrait for Clinton library

I am sorry to hear BigD.

You have convinced me. Will give it a try.

Feel the Bern!

Patty Melt?

All of a sudden I am hungry!

Chris Rock - How not to get your ass kicked by the police!

Frequency of sexual activity of older males depends on where they were born. Statistics just released from Canada and The United Nations B.O.H. Team, revealing that: North American men between 65 and 75 years of age, will on average, have sex two to three times per week, (and a small number-- a lot more), whereas: Japanese men, in exactly the same age group, will have sex only once or twice per year if they are lucky. This has come as very upsetting news to many of my buddies, as none of them had any idea they were Japanese!

Still waiting....!!!!

10% service! Are many places in Pattaya doing that now?

I usually stay at the Whitehouse next door. Have eaten at the Sportsman a few times. Basic "Pub" fare. Never been dissapointed. Do not recall trying the ribs. Looks good!

Groan.....

1. Teaching Maths In 1960s A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? 2. Teaching Maths In 1970s A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit? 3. Teaching Maths In 1980s A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit ? Yes or No 4. Teaching Maths In 1990s A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20. 5. Teaching Maths In 2000s A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers. Feel free to express your feelings e.g. anger, anxiety, inadequacy, helplessness etc.) NB: Should you require debriefing at the conclusion of exam there are counsellors available to assist you to adjust back into the real world. 6. Teaching Maths In 2050 * * * * * * * هاتشيرو تبيع كارلواد من نهاب 100 دولار . تكلفة الإنتاج هو 80 دولاراً . كيف الكثيرمن المال ولم؟

AN IRISHMAN'S FIRST DRINK WITH HIS SON While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint. Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from our house. I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it. Then I got him a Kilkenny's, he didn't like that either, so I drank it. Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager? He didn't. So I drank it. I thought maybe he'd like whiskey better than beer, so we tried a Jameson's, nope! In desperation, I had him try that rare Bushmill's, Ireland's finest. He wouldn't even smell it. What could I do but drink it! By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so shit-faced I could hardly push his stroller back home.

That is how my wife has been since she found my girlfriends bikini on the boat!

Would You marry Again? A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the Wife looks over at him and asks the question.... WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married Again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do.." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry? " HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look) HUSBAND: (makes audible groan) WIFE: "Would you live in our house?" HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house." WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?" HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new." WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do." WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?" HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own." WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you? HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times." WIFE: "Would she use my clubs? HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed." WIFE: -- silence -- HUSBAND: "shit."

Yeah, me too. Okay, I am over it!

Guts & Balls There is a medical distinction between “Guts” and “Balls”. We've heard colleagues referring to people with “Guts”, or with “Balls”. Do they, however, know the difference between them? Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295. GUTS - Is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the “Guts” to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?” BALLS - Is coming home late, after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the “Balls” to say: "You're next, Chubby."

The "You are guilty until you prove yourself innocent" IRS? The "If we don't like your conservative politics we will audit you and not approve you non profit organization" IRS? What right does the IRS have to tell a US citizen they cannot travel? That is usually done to someone after they are convicted of a crime.

Excellent pics as usual. Any feel for the availability of local female companionship?