BigusDicus

Fishing - Irish It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of the little Irish pub. An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water. A curious gentleman asked what he was doing. “Fishing”, replied the old man. Poor old fool, thought the gentlemen. So, he decided he would invite the old man to have a drink in the pub. Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked, “And, how many have you caught today?” “You're the eighth.”

Excellent!!!

A teacher asked her third grade class to name things that ended with “tor” and that also ate things. The first little boy said, "Alligator." "Very good James, that's a big word." The second boy said, "Predator." “Yes, that's another big word Alan. Very well done." Little Johnny says, "Vibrator." After nearly falling off her chair, the teacher says, "That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn't eat anything." “Well" said Johnny "my mother has one and she says it eats fucking batteries like there's no tomorrow!"

Estate Planning A man was telling his buddy: "You won't believe what happened last night." My daughter walked into the living room and said: "Dad, do not pay off my college tuition loan, cancel my allowance, throw away all my clothes and take my iPhone and laptop. In addition, please take all of my jewelry to Salvation Army. Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and lock me out of your house. Then, disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to anyone you choose." "Holy Smokes", replied the friend, "She actually said that?" The father replied: "Well, she didn't actually put it quite like that." What she said was,: "Dad, meet my new boyfriend, Mohammed. We're going to work together on Hillary's 2016 election campaign."

Great pics! i do not remember noticing that much of a tide swing on the Thames. That BMW looks positively wicked!

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his willy today in the playground!" Before her mother could raise a concern, Sally said, "It reminded me of a peanut." Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mum asked, "Really small, was it?" Sally replied, "No... Salty."

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new Washington D.C. parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was . . . a donkey lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the White House. The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is Barrack Obama. How might I help you?" "And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann's Catholic Church. There's a donkey lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?" Barrack, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the Irish accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!" There was dead silence on the line for a moment . . . . Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye,' tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call."

Guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there's a robot bartender! The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Whiskey." The robot brings back his drink and says to the man, "What's your IQ?" The guy says,"168." The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology. The guy leaves, . . But he is curious . . . So he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says, "What will you have?" The guy says,"Whiskey." Again, the robot brings the man his drink and says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser, the Saints and LSU Tigers. The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try this one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Whiskey," and the robot brings him his whiskey. T he robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50." The robot leans in real close and says, "So,.......You people still happy . . . with Obama?"

After a relaxing bath, Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself naked in a mirror...remembering her time with Bill Clinton. Her frustration over her inability to lose weight was depressing her. In an act of desperation, she decided to call on God for help... "God, if you take away my love handles, I'll devote my life to you," she prayed. And just like that, her ears fell off! Touching story, isn't it?

We have been in a cold snap here in S Calif too.. Today's high (along the beach) is expected to only reach 65. Of course a few miles inland temps will be around 75. When it is this miserably cold I can only wear my 'long' shorts. Too cold for the newer, more stylish 'short' shorts......

Nice shots. You show many things I have never seen. Thank you.

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 'So I hear you're getting married?' 'Yep!' 'Do I know her?' 'Nope!' 'This woman, is she good looking?' 'Not really.' 'Is she a good cook?' 'Naw, she can't cook too well.' 'Does she have lots of money?' 'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.' 'Well, then, is she good in bed?' 'I don't know.' 'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?' 'Because she can still drive!' Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?' Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!' Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..' A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.' 'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?' 'Twelve thirty..' Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'' The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.' A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool… After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' 'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

An elderly gentleman...Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again. 'The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!' Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?' Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.' 'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?' 'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.' An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great... I would recommend it very highly.' The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.' 'Do you mean a rose?' 'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?' Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted hedidn’t need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.' Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember… Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks. 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?' 'Sure..' 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks. 'No, I can remember it.''Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?' He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.' 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks. Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!' Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast?'

Actually this is something separate from food poisoning although your point is an excellent one. My memory is it starts out some kind of irritation with the urinary tract/prostate and spreads from there. Many who get it think they have picked up something from a babe and get treated for an STD which usually knock it out.

Of concern for visitors to Thailand: There is a chance of getting sick from drinking mixed drinks and/or any kind of drink with ice. I cannot recall what it is called, is a low grade illness. But you will eventually require medical attention. I have had several friends and associates contract it over the years. In the past the better establishments would use ice made from filtered water. My memory it is delivered in "blue" plastic bags. Non filtered in regular clear plastic. Local expats develop an immunity so they are not usually bothered. Unless I know the establishment is serving filtered ice I drink spirits "neat" or stick with beer & wine.

It has come to my attention that many people find the bathroom smell after defecation to be quite offensive, annoying, embarrassing, or just plain nasty. Here's a real product to mitigate that particularly odorous condition:

Pearls Before Swine has been one of my favorites for s couple of years now. Love the Crocodiles in particular!.

Nice report. Thank you.

They are one of the best!