BigusDicus

Excellent point. That is about the only way it could get better. Great video Gary. Thank you for sharing.

This is hilarious!

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said, "So why are you here?" The yellow Lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed." The black Lab said, "So what's the vet going to do?" "Gonna cut my nuts off" came the reply from the yellow Lab. "They reckon it'll calm me down." The Yellow Lab then turned to the Black Lab and asked, "Why are you here?" The Black Lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owners' couch." "So what are they going to do to you?" the Yellow Lab inquired. "Looks like I'm losing my nuts too," the dejected Black Lab said. The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked, "Why are you here? "I'm a humper", said the Great Dane. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see." Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away." The Black and the Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, it's nuts off for you too, huh?" The Great Dane said, "No, apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped."

Touche'. Great joke.

Very good. Thank you.

Twelve of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio 1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.' 2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.' 3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!' 4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.' 5. US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my god!! What have I just said?' 6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.' 7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard! 8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros is feeling great today after a 69 yesterday.' 9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on 'Look North' said: 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. ' 10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on 'Sky Sports': 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.' 11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: 'They seem cold out there. They're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.' 12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny; other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.'

Recently at an Irish wedding reception someone yelled . . . "Would all the married men, please stand next to the one person who has made their life worth living." The bartender was almost crushed to death.

Very good. I am stealing it.

Great line!

Good additions guys, thanks.

Warning: These jokes may offend you....if so, too bad. ____________________________________________________ Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor black orphans. I said, “Fuck that – knowing my luck, I’d win one!” ____________________________________________________ Wife says to husband, “If you start riding that new bicycle I bought for you to work, we can get rid of the second car.” He replies, “If you take it up the ass and let me cum on your face, we can get rid of the nanny!” ____________________________________________________ What’s the difference between an illegal Mexican and ET? ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn’t claim benefits, had his own fucking bike , and wanted to go home! ____________________________________________________ A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed. The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A moment of silence passes and the guy says, “I can’t believe they fucked my wife after only five beers!” ____________________________________________________ Got this text from my brother recently. It read. “Can I stay at your house for a while? The ol' Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock. It just reaches the back of her sister’s throat!” ______________________________________________________ * Was banging this nice Lady over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the back door!” Thinking back, I really should have ran – but you don’t get offers like that every day. ____________________________________________________ Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching the fuck out of this idiot at a party. In my defense…when you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in. ____________________________________________________ My wife just came in and said, “I don’t know if I am coming or going. ”I said to her, “Judging by the look on your face, you’re going – ‘cus when you’re coming, you look like a fucking mentally challenged kid trying to whistle!” ____________________________________________________ I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I fucked a g irl called Penny – is that spooky or what? _____________________________________________________ The missus asked me, “When you’re on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?” Apparently “ Only to stop myself from coming too quickly ” wasn’t the right answer. ____________________________________________________

I pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and told my friend..... "That's us in 10 years." He said "That's a mirror, dip-shit!"

Absolutely incredible. Wow!

Enough about hard drives. I am close to hopping on a plane. What is the latest on flooding and any related problems please?

When Obama died, George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. He slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the Nation I helped conceive?" Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed." James Madison followed, kicked him hard and said, "This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!" Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Obama with a long cane and snarled, "It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence." The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the radical, socialist, leader. As Obama lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. Obama wept and Said, "This is not what you promised me." The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72VIRGINIANS waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said? You really need to listen when someone is trying to tell you something!"

Generally speaking most US taxes are lower than European taxes

Another consideration. Many girls do not like to travel to Jomten. Especially for short time.

And that is where you just have to hope that good ole 'free trade & competition' will eventually kick in. There are only so many asses's for all those seats out there......

Yes, I remember hearing it often. Then again I grew up hearing the same thing about Coors.

A very nice report. Excellent pictures. Thank you very much.

Certainly could be. Then again, if I see an empty area I get up and move. Carpe Diem. If a flight attendant wants to deal with my heart condition and bad knee, etc., (and all the other stuff I will suddenly be concerned with) I will get up and move back. Remember the old adage: "It is much easier to beg forgiveness, than get permission". Carpe Diem!

This is hilarious! Nice find Joe.

Houston, we have a problem.......

My dates have just dropped down to $1157 again. Your dates came in at $1210. China Air is the lowest at $967. If you are watching pennies as so many are now days it is a significant amount. For me the ease of the flight plus an extra 8-10 hours on the ground in Thailand are worth the extra $240. My dates are very close to yours. I too am concerned about the floods. I doubt ticket prices are going to go up. Chances are many will begin to cancel trips. If you have not purchased you ticket I would wait and see how things go. I would think Pattaya will be accessible and dry. Food and bottled water issues might occur. Then again chances are the girls will be extra hungry....