davebowk

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 second and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his PROFILE." Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?" Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds "...think hard before giving me a stupid answer." The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?" "That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear." Norman and his blonde wife live in Detroit. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 3 to 4 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Norman's wife went out and moved her car. A week later while they were eating breakfast, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 4 to 5 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Norman's wife went out and moved her car again. The next week they were having breakfast again when the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park ...." then the electricity went out. Norman's wife said, "Honey, I don't know what to do." Norman said, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

lol, can't see them being kelloggs so no.

Each to their own, i had breakfast there 8 days out of 14 and never had a bad one, it's a spot on English breakfast served exactly how it should be. and in a foriegn country thats not bad going.

I wonder if this could be applied to charges for drawing money from ATMs abroad

one of these could do the trick http://www.amazon.co.uk/Palm-Size-Portable-Wireless-802-11n-Network/dp/B004YNK9O6/ref=sr_1_34?s=electronics&ie=UTF8&qid=1324584077&sr=1-34

IF you are on the early flight on the 11th you will have checked in on the 30th day 10th April, just a thought

If Santa replied to his letters Dear Santa, I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben good boy all yeer. YeR FReND,BiLLy Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare specialist. How 'bout I send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell! Santa Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah Dear Sarah, You're parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa Dear Santa, I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I really really want a fire truck this year! Love, Joey Dear Joey, Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with. Santa Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy Dear Teddy, What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the baby-sitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa Dear Santa, I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon cards than me. Please see what you can do. Love, Michelle Dear Michelle, It blows my fucking mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get you something more your speed like Snakes and Ladders. -Santa Dear Santa, I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joe's, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis Dear Francis, Who the hell names their kid "Francis" anyways? Santa Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor. Love, Susan Dear Susan, Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some Toblerone. Santa Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys? Your friend, Thomas Dear Thomas, All the toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses' asses, and losing all my cash at the craps table.Hey, YOU wanted to know! Santa Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica Dear Jessica, You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping yourhouse... Santa Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one? Timmy Timmy, That whiny begging crap may work with your folks, but that shit doesn't fly up here. You're getting a sweater....again. Santa Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? Love, Marky Mark, Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. SweetDreams! Santa

Some more Last night I reached for my liquid viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex. I woke up this morning with a huge correction . The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers ........ so I did .... she's 21 and her name's Lucy My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's group The Monkees. I thought she was joking ........ and then I saw her face. ( My favourite) I went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting paedo and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary. My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a splint out of a couple of Swan Vestas, his little face lit up when he tried to walk.... Unfortunately, I forgot to remove the sandpaper from the bottom of his cage. I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, ungrateful bleeders. All I said was, 'hurry up for goodness sake, some of us have got homes to go to!' Women should be like golf caddies, either holding your balls or getting your bloody tee ready! Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching tv when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen, 'what would you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or lamb?' I said, 'Thank you, I'll have chicken please' She replied, 'You're having soup you fat bastard, I was talking to the cat!' Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's mainly black and brown with a small white patch,so I've named him Birmingham. I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail.I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!' Yoko Ono has been signed up for the next series of 'I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!' Show bosses think she will do really well, since she's been living off a dead Beatle for the last thirty years.

Maybe not then, but it was this that got me thinking (taken from the above link i posted) "A characteristic rash appears along with the fever and spreads from the extremities to cover the entire body except the face. The palms and soles may be bright red and swollen" which is exactly what i had, but could have been some thing else, but severity of symptons can vary a lot from what i have just read.

What bar is the blue sofa in, i have a pic of a blue sofa from a bar in new plaza, has photo's on the wall, can't remember owners or bar name but he's tall slim ish bald about 50 (could be opposite Pussy Bar)

I hadn't heard of this before, but after listening to that radio link and a bit of googleing here http://www.medicinenet.com/dengue_fever/article.htm i am pretty sure i had Dengue fever when i got home Nov 2010. I came out in a rash all over my body except my face but only had a slight fever and mild aches, lasted about 5 days. Whent to my Doctor and he had no idea what it was untill i said i had just come back from Thailand and had been enjoying the girls. Instantly he said i had advanced Syphilis and sent me to the clinic. The Doctor at the clinic was amazed my doctor had said this as he said it wasn't, Any how they did test me for everything STD wise and all was clear. Got home this year (been home 3 weeks) and have had swolen glands, sore throat, fatigue, joint pains and strange bad pains behind my ears, again only mild symptons but i am wondering if i have had another type of Dengue. Maybe only 2 more to go if i have.

Just had a look for the dates i've booked with Emerates, stop over outbound 3h, inbound 7h £471, I paid £640 with shorter stop overs but would have put up with the 7h for that price, too late now The same flights booking with Emerates was £584 (longer stop over)

" his name wasn’t Ian." Took a few seconds but a good one that.

Would be good to meet up for a few beers, i'm there from 11th to 28th, will PM you nearer time if you like.

Stayed at the Armageddon on LK Metro in October, Very big room (Galaxy room) balcony at front and side, TV, stereo, DVD, air con, fridge and 2 ceiling fans. Around B900/night. Good location for heading out in any direction. Booked it again for April

hows this, if it works. Auto panning and i think you can add place names pattaya panoramic and the stitched still

Just got home last week and had breakfast at Crazy Daves most days, about 10 in total, tried other places but none was as good as Daves, yes it was greasy but thats what a good English brekie is all about. It was spot on every day. Plus the massage places across the road was nice and handy as well.

There is one next to Crazy Daves on Soi Chaiyapoon if any one needs one in that area.

I think most would accept this

Your friend looks a stunner Rain looks bad but done a good job with her dress

I'm staying there (LK) in 3 weeks, hope it's not like some of you make out

Try Emirates, there's some at £575 flying midweek from Heathrow, but depends how long a trip you are planning

Link to a map - http://wikimapia.org/#lat=12.9260226&lon=100.8718783&z=18&l=0&ifr=1&m=b" width="417" height="300" frameborder="0"> this doesn't seem to work too well, can some one fix it? Was on another topic but doesn't seem to work from there now. It was the first bar i went in on my first trip and all the staff made me feel at home, which was good as i had been wandering around thinking what the hell am i doing here for an hour. Definitely recommend the bar and go go crawls, would never have been in some of the places without them. 28 days and will be back for more

He would be better off canceling the package even if it costs him £100 to £150 and booking a flight and accom, would probably end up with at least an extra £400 to spend, maybe a bit more. Plus i bet the family hotel won't be too guest friendly. I got through £1000 a week on my first visit last year, the girls was much better at getting me to part with money than i thought they would be. Hopefully i will do better this year.

I have played a lot but not played for a few year now, Can you hire clubs for a round as i fancy a game on next trip