VPI78

I remember the dwarf saying that but you made me google erudite.

A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked, "What's your name?" The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian." The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name." "I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old. I will not disrespect my grandfath

I met a fairy today who said she would grant me one wish. "I want to live forever," I said. "Sorry," said the fairy, "but I am not allowed to grant that type of wish." "Fine," I said, "Then I want to die when England wins the World Cup." "You crafty bastard!" said the fairy.

A man walks into a pub with an ostrich and a pussy cat. He goes up the bar and says: "Beer for me, beer for the ostrich, whisky for the cat." The unlikely trio find a table, sit down and drink their drinks. Next, it's the ostrich's round. He walks up to the bar and says: "Beer for me, beer for the man, whisky for the cat." Then the ostrich takes the drinks back to the table and they drink them. When it comes to the cat's turn to buy a round, he simply tells his pals to "Sod off!" So the man goes back to the bar and asks for another two beers and a whisky. Impressed at his generosity,

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet. "How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a fe

No need to be sorry in my view but civil of you to explain your intent. In this era of wokeness, so many get offended over nothing. Comedy has always been a minefield in the best of times and it's 10x more so today.

Freddie Mercury, Gianni Versace, and the Queen Mum arrive at the Pearly Gates, St Peter explains that only one can get through and that they each have to put forward their case for entry. Freddie says, 'I know I haven't led a perfect life and I've made some mistakes along the way, but I've made some of the most beautiful music in the world. I'll stand at the back of heaven, and serenade everybody with my wondrous songs, making heaven a far happier place to be.' 'Pretty good, Fred' said St Peter, 'what about you Gianni?' Versace says, 'I make the most beautiful clothes in the wor