Monkeywatch - August 2009

[monkeyman]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to this month’s toe into the pool that’s Patts. Hold on to your hats.

 

There was a bit of excitement in Jomtien last Monday when it was reported that there had been a 100,000 baht fire in View Talay 1. Sounds like the residents there really do have money to burn.

 

The weekend before last saw the streets of Pattaya being graced by none other than a former Prime Minister who visited Walking Street for a short time, though if that’s what he was after he’d have been better off visiting Soi 6.

 

There was a police raid on an address in South Pattaya last week after a tip off that illegal gambling was taking place on the premises. They arrested 11 people and what appeared to be several stolen ID cards belonging to the same family. Police are currently attempting to locate Mr Bun the Baker and his family so their ID cards can be returned to them.

 

Safe sex is always encouraged in Pattaya. Just be careful you don’t slam your dick in the door…

 

 

Brits in the London area had a treat at the beginning of the month in the form of a two-day Thai festival in Greenwich Park. Reports say that the whole thing was a complete cock up from start to finish, which at least shows that the organisers went to a lot of trouble to make it feel authentic.

 

Airlines in the UK have decided to impose a ban on you flying if, in their opinion, you are showing symptoms of swine flu such as sweating, high body temperature or showing signs of anxiety. They will, however, let you fly if you can provide another explanation for why you are displaying these symptoms. Like being a suicide bomber perhaps?

 

Looks like Royal Garden Plaza is serious about getting tough with shoplifters…

 

 

A few changes to report on the bar scene. K A Go Go has knocked another nail in the coffin of Soho Square by closing down, and Club Mirage in Soi Diamond is another recent casualty. Mind you, these little setbacks have been counterbalanced by the opening of Sin City A Go Go and the reopening of Sakura Club 69. As the old saying goes, you just can’t keep a good club down (or a bad one, apparently.)

 

It was reported the other Thursday that a woman in Nongprue had trapped her hand in her meat grinder and damaged two of her fingers. And there was us thinking it only made you go blind.

 

In the interests of sex equality, Pattaya is introducing some new attractions for the ladies…

 

 

A 15-year-old Thai lad was knocked unconscious by an elephant last week after he tried to feed it some watermelon. Now even for a gourmet elephant that’s just plain bad manners.

 

Finally, here’s the result of the Maprachan Reservoir Fun Run which took place on July 23. Everybody drowned.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

Edited August 9, 2009 by monkeyman

[Esco]

I take it you mean August??

[monkeyman]

I take it you mean August??

Yes. Just spotted that.

[nohlsson1]

"Handles Like a Greasy Weasel" I love that line.

 

Once again you out did yourself. It is a shame they all drowned though.....

[sick buffalo]

Thanks for the painful tip about safe sex... I will henceforth give up the safe bit...

[SmellyFarang]

A 15-year-old Thai lad was knocked unconscious by an elephant last week after he tried to feed it some watermelon. Now even for a gourmet elephant that’s just plain bad manners.

 

When I was an wee little lad, innocent to the ways of the world, I received a similarly harsh lesson from a camel.

 

Whilst visiting the zoo with my big bag of fresh peanuts, I thought I'd share my bounty with the nice looking camel in the pen.

 

So I held up a peanut, straining to reach up so the camel wouldn't have to inconvenience itself by leaning down too far over the fence.

 

I happily opened my hand only to furrow my brows in puzzlement as the camel "missed" the peanut and continued down past my hand. "Silly camel", I thought, "you missed".

 

My frown of puzzlement quickly turned to a look of horror as the camel firmly planted its entire snout into my bag of peanuts and proceeded to eat the entire bag in just a couple quick bites.

 

Still frozen in dismay, I watched as the camel snuffled in the empty bag a bit more before pulling to also grab the peanut still in my hand.

 

Apparently still not satisfied from taking all I had, the camel then proceeded to stuff its snout down my shirt looking for even more. Not finding any, it then let out a tremendous snort that filled my shirt with warm, gooey snot. I was left standing there crying, all of my peanuts gone, with only a shirt full of steaming snot to show for it.

 

In retrospect I should probably thank my friend from the wild kingdom for helping to prepare me for the ways of life that layed ahead. We can all learn learn lessons from our furry friends; I'm now reminded of my early life experience every time the tax man comes around ...

 

No doubt the knock in the head for his attempted act of kindness & sharing will help this Thai kid in the ways of the world as well.

-Smelly