Monkeywatch - August 2010

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap, and welcome to this month's plunge into the murky waters of Fun City. Right, off we go.

 

Well, last month saw Thailand's latest step in the War On Tourism as the authorities decided to crack down on alcohol advertising. Bars were raided, condoms confiscated (no, not that sort) and huge fines threatened for any bar displaying alcohol adverts outside or inside. This is all allegedly "to protect non-drinkers". Protect them from what exactly? Passive drinking? With the attitude this lot have got to tourism, I'm surprised TAT hasn't been declared a terrorist group.

 

The next step is apparently to make the beer bottle labels carry a picture of the effects of drinking. I can picture it now. A bloke with puke down his t-shirt wearing a set of plastic tits and a traffic cone on his head. Sales will soar.

 

In an attempt to repair the damage, TAT organised a four-day 'Sea, Sand and Sun' festival on Beach Road a couple of weeks ago to highlight local culture and goods. The festival featured such diverse elements as decorated floats, sports displays, shows, exhibits and shopping tents. TAT said they expected more than 300,000 people to attend and more than 1.6 billion baht to go into the city's coffers, so I guess the actual reported figures of 41 people and 6280 baht must have come as a bit of a disappointment to them. No doubt they'll blame the rain.

 

They also launched a campaign to publicise the sports facilities in the city. Pattaya has always regarded itself as a centre of sporting excellence, having a fine selection of venues where tourists can experience Thai fighting methods, such as the Fairtex Stadium, the Scorpion Muay Thai Gym and What's Up A Go Go.

 

A local newspaper did its bit by running a competition for people to send in photos of their favourite spots in Pattaya. This was the winner...

 

 

The boys in brown carried out yet another raid on Sunee Plaza last weekend, the target this time being the "Nice Boys Go Go Bar". Reports said that everyone in the bar was urine tested and 13 employees were found to be under the age of 18. It's amazing what they can find out from urine tests, isn't it?

 

There's been a few people on the Internet recently asking what a Full Moon party is. Well, the basic idea is that you get pissed as a rat, pass out, and some Thais come along and nick all your gear. Speaking of the Internet, I had a email from eBay the other day promising me two days of free insertions but the girls weren't having any of it.

 

A headless corpse was found washed up on Kram Island last Wednesday. A police spokesman said they feared it may the work of a serial killer as they had found a bodyless corpse washed up in the same area just a few hours earlier.

 

There was another publicity coup for Pattaya this month as they unveiled the world's largest cheese grater...

 

 

The bar scene has one or two stories to offer up this month apart from the plethora of punch-ups of which I'm sure most of you are already aware. The former Ice Bar on Soi LK Metro is to re-emerge as Office A Go Go, Rodeo Girls on Soi Pattayaland 1 has shut up shop and First A Go Go on Soi 8 has closed its doors until September. For those who mourn the passing of the Kilkenny Bar, a new Irish Bar going by the name of Mulligan's has opened on Central Festival Mall. Could be good news for those with deep pockets who like a decent drop of the old falling down water.

 

For anyone daft enough to be interested, the final details of the Pattaya Marathon 2010 have been announced. The start/finish line will be in front of City Hall and the contestants will do some running somewhere in between. Don't know why they bother really. The average Pattaya visitor's idea of a marathon is 26 beers followed by 26 bargirls.

 

American tourists have been complaining about all the fags hanging out on Beach Road. They may have a point...

 

 

The Wednesday before last, Pattaya City Hall hosted a meeting for government employees who have volunteered to join a Public Health Ministry sponsored weight loss program. The scheme has officially been called "Bye-Bye Fatty" after employees were asked to choose what they thought to be the most appropriate name. This wasn't actually the name that got the most votes, but officials felt that "Fuck Off Lard Ass" might potentially stigmatise the participants.

 

Finally, reports have been received about a Danish chappie who was found in a drugged up state at a bar just off Walking Street. Some said his beer had been laced with alcohol, though this was fiercely denied by the bar owner. Well I believe him.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[onelilley 6]

A great read as always, very entertaining.

 

Keep up the good work, we do appreciate it.

[biggles 509]

Yeah, look forward to reading your report every month, thanks for the effort.

[Funky 87]

Quality report loved it

[Big_Brian 179]

You have a twisted mind. I don't know how you can see what you do in those photo's.

[MM 6,562]

Everything you reported is true!

[monkeyman 1,604]

Everything you reported is true!

It always is.