For those that want it..........

[atlas2 4,329]

Bear with me a bit.

 

Last night the Fairtex squash court was like a skating rink and my uncomplaining opponent (and fellow board member) looked like he'd compounded it by putting bowling alley shoes on by mistake. After half-an-hour, a couple of splits, a double toe-loop and a bit of a sweat on we decided to call it quits and head for the showers.

 

Coming out of the changing rooms to hand in our towels we noticed a small crowd gathered round reception. It was obvious that something was afoot. The receptionists........the delicious Ning and the languid Anne were looking totally perplexed and a matronly Thai lady standing at the counter, had a look of shock on her face, like an owl in labour!

 

The cause of it all seemed to be a skinny, ginger kid of about 16 and his very sheepish mate.

 

Ginger turns to me.

 

'Er'e d'you speak English?'

 

'Yes'

 

'You can speak it good like?'...( He was from Manchester I guessed)

 

'Pretty well I think!'

 

'Good!........Do they do COLONIC IRRIGATION here?'

 

It began to dawn on me.....(as it's doing with you) the cause of all the consternation. God knows what comic pantomime of explanation had been taking place before I came through the door.

 

'No, I don't think they do. This is a gym lad'

 

Ginger turns to his uncomfortable looking mate and says.'They do it here, I'm sure they do.'

 

Turning back to me he says.....'Could you ask them for me?'

 

Three things quickly registered........... No 1. When he'd asked me if I could speak 'English' he thought, and he still thinks, he'd asked me, 'if I spoke 'Thai.'

 

No 2. Colonic irrigation...pheck me this is gonna be a test of my 'rudimentary-Thai'.

 

No.3...I'd just called Pastry a shit-stirrer on another thread..and now I was the one in it......'Instant Karma's gonna get you atlas!'

 

Ning and Anne looked on helpless and hopeful.......

 

I spoke directly to the old lady first, 'Kar tord yai' (Sorry grand mother) 'Bang-ti malliard mai dee.' (may not be polite/good manners) She sniffed with a high beaked forbearance.......Like Lady Windermere when the vicar farts at tiffin!

 

I turned to Anne and said,'Pom kid war' ( I think) 'Kow yak' (He wants)............a pause and then I squirted out, 'Tam nan kwarm sa'hat.........doit!'..... (Work clean bum).

 

The penny dropped instantly Ning and Anne laughing, chorused together .... 'Detox'....which sort of trumped my long 'winded' Thai explanation. Lady Windermere thought it was well worth the entrance money. Steadying herself with a hand on the desk and obviously employing her pelvic floor muscles to stop from pissing herself!

 

'Yes we have a spar!' ..........A long sigh of relief from Ginger, (premature I thought!)

 

Anne knuckles to her chin in excitement says.'Oh thank you khung 'atlas' you very clever man'

 

'Bag waan, gon briow'..... (Mouth sweet bum sour), I considered saying, but looking at the state of lady Windermere hysterics thought better of it.

 

 

So there we finally are..........For those that want it, and I know some of you do...They have colonic irrigation at the Fairtex spar in North Pattaya.

 

 

 

When the kids had left I couldn't resist speculating out loud......... 'So that's how they get the bubbles for the jacuzzi.....'

 

...........That was too much, 'fetch a mop for Lady Windermere someone!!'

[กษัตริย์ 2]

So there we finally are..........For those that want it, and I know some of you do...They have colonic irrigation at the Fairtex spar in North Pattaya.

 

 

looked like he'd compounded it by putting bowling alley shoes on by mistake.

 

 

 

Do they have a bowling alley?

[teelack 9,638]

Nice one even for us that run a mile at the thought of a keep fit centre!

[MeGoDanceNow 4,281]

Now THAT'S a funny story!

 

Was he walking funny? Maybe he'd been in Boyz Town and gotten something stuffed up his ass, like a barbie doll or a potato.

[redwood13 56]

Great story - well told

 

-redwood

[joekicker 53]

That is a very funny story, atlas2, damned well told.

 

You should write a book. Oh, wait, you already are one.

 

.

[atlas2 4,329]

That is a very funny story, atlas2, damned well told.

 

You should write a book. Oh, wait, you already are one.

 

.

 

 

 

Well thanks for that Joseph ....... Inspired by your comment I have actually started writing a book...............I'm intending to link Colonic Irrigation with an exploration of Wagner's Ring!.....Make a great 3D movie dont'cha think?

Edited September 29, 2010 by atlas2

[jasonbalmer 2]

A shame to have missed the pantomime and reaction at the start, but maybe that's best left to the imagination.

 

A good dose of volcanic somtam would have done them just as well.

[danboy 151]

-jump

[wuchun 0]

A shame to have missed the pantomime and reaction at the start, but maybe that's best left to the imagination.

 

A good dose of volcanic somtam would have done them just as well.