Bar Humor

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[VPI78 11,509]

[VPI78 11,509]

[VPI78 11,509]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

Have You Ever...

 

While enjoying their evening cocktails, the wife asks her husband, in a very seductive voice, "Have you ever seen twenty dollars all crumpled up?"

 

"No," said her husband.

 

She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 buttons of her blouse and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar note.

 

He took the crumpled twenty dollar note from her and smiled approvingly.

She then asked him,

"Have you ever seen fifty dollars all

crumpled up?"

 

"Uh... no, I haven't," he said, with an

anxious tone in his voice.

 

She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her panties and pulled out a crumpled fifty dollar note.

 

He took the crumpled fifty dollar note and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.

"Now," she said, "have you ever seen fifty thousand dollars all crumpled up??"

 

He said, "No!," trying to contain his excitement.

 

She said, "Go check the garage."

[VPI78 11,509]

[yorta2 693]

[VPI78 11,509]

[VPI78 11,509]

[VPI78 11,509]

[gs joe 1,776]

Can’t remember December 

[VPI78 11,509]

[maipenrai 473]

[VPI78 11,509]

[cunneyes 206]

[VPI78 11,509]

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

[BigusDicus 9,878]

On 12/23/2021 at 8:05 PM, cunneyes said:

Terrible news coming out of Nakatomi Plaza. Hope everyone's okay. Can't believe the FBI doesn't have the situation under control yet. Any truth to the rumors that an off-duty cop is inside?

[BigusDicus 9,878]

3 minutes ago, BigusDicus said:

Terrible news coming out of Nakatomi Plaza. Hope everyone's okay. Can't believe the FBI doesn't have the situation under control yet. Any truth to the rumors that an off-duty cop is inside?

 

[VPI78 11,509]

[VPI78 11,509]

[VPI78 11,509]

[VPI78 11,509]

Four dudes spend weeks planning the perfect camping and fishing trip to a remote and disconnected spot. Two days before they are due to leave, Dave's wife puts her foot down and tells him he's not going. His buddies are naturally pissed off that he can't go, but what can they do; they decide to push on.

 

Two days later the three fellas arrive at the remote camp site to find Dave sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, beer open and fish cooking on the fire.

 

Steve: 'Damn man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?'

 

Dave: 'I've been here since last night. Yesterday afternoon I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'guess who ...' I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see-through nightie. She then took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose petals all over. On the bed were handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, so I did.'

 

'And then she said:' 'Do whatever you want.' ... So here I am.

[BigusDicus 9,878]