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April 8, 2019 in Funnies Section
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August 4, 2020
Radio Interview Note: This is an exact transcript of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visitin
No one love’s a smart ass
Just showing off his artistic talents
15 hours ago, BigusDicus said:
Took me a bit to notice the cat. 😁
While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?
As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with a cleavage to die for.
"I'm okay I think." I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.
She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head."
"That's nice of you," I answered, "But I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"
"Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."
Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"My guess is that she's still in the ditch."
When King Arthur was away looking for the Holy Grail he made Guinevere wear a chastity belt fitted with a small guillotine to stop anyone interfering with her.
When he returned he asked all of his knights to drop their trousers and the only one still left with a cock was Lancelot.
"Lancelot my faithful friend" he said, "You alone I can trust, what shall I do with these traitors?" ...
"Come man, speak up, have you lost your tongue ... ?"
In a secret order of Catholic priests there were twelve monks about to be ordained. The final test, ordered in secret to correct the Church's recent spate of embarrassing incidents, was for them to line up, nude, in a garden while a nude model danced before them. Each monk had a small bell attached to his privates, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The model danced before the first monk candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response until she got to the final monk. As she danced, his bell rang so loudly it fell off and clattered to the ground. Embarrassed, he bent down to pick up the bell. Suddenly, eleven other bells began to ring ...
From early childhood...
If you're feeling down just remember; you're closer to being a millionaire than Jeff Bezos.
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