Monkeywatch - December 2020

[monkeyman 1,129]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for coming back for more, and welcome to this month’s edition full of the joys, merriment and magic of the festive season. Bah, humbug.

A motorcycle rider was injured after crashing his bike in a graveyard following an encounter with an apparition he claimed was not human. The police officer who attended the scene asked the man if he could be more specific, pointing out that in Pattaya the description he gave would  fit just about anybody.

One of the Thai protest leaders has been charged with lese majeste after he allegedly used the word #### while discussing the current incumbent during a speech he gave at a rally. Serves him right really. Saying something like that in Thailand makes him something of a #### himself (and a bloody stupid one at that.) How times have changed. You’d never have expected to hear anyone referring to the previous incumbent as a ####, would you?

Businesses in Thailand have asked the government to confer citizenship on workers from Cambodia, Laos and Burma to alleviate a huge shortage of construction and factory workers caused by the refusal to grant them work permits since the onset of the pandemic. The government has now acceded to the request and will be granting all the workers Pakistani citizenship from the beginning of next year. Meanwhile, two Indonesian orangutans seized from wildlife traffickers have been granted political asylum and given full Thai citizenship.

Last week’s Beach Road quidditch game had to be abandoned after a catastrophic collision between two of the contestants…

 

The Insanity Nightclub in Bangkok is facing closure after being raided and found to be breaking just about every law in the book. The closure is said to be for five years, so they should be able to reopen well in time for the return of foreign tourists.

Thais went to the polls in 76 provinces last week to elect their new provincial officials. As per usual, alcohol sales were banned for the duration, which is rather surprising really as one suspects that the pro-government candidates would stand more chance of getting elected if the voters were all pissed out of their minds.

Over 800 cases of Covid-19 have been confirmed following an outbreak at a seafood market. Mass testing is now under way in the area and several hundred shrimps have been ordered to self-isolate. However, news that all seafood is to be vaccinated in future has not been well received by customers.

For anyone who thinks opening a brand new bar in Pattaya might be a good idea, these ‘build you own bar’ kits are available for purchase at most of the moderately disreputable retail outlets…

 

Bars news now, and both and Glass House and Panda have made a pre-Christmas reappearance on Walking Street. Soi Diamond has a new kid on the block with the strangely named 11010 A Go Go. There’s also a new place called Screamers on Soi Boomerang, so now we’ve had Screamers, Iron and Queens. What next, Brown Hatters A Go Go? Or maybe Uphill Gardeners Club? Weird.  

A strange ceremony took place in Chanthaburi a couple of weeks ago when no less than three Thai chappies married each other. Sorry Western LGBTQers, but the Thais have out-poofed you again.

Back to the past now, in the days before Soi Covent Garden became Mohammed Alley, with a couple of morsels from Monkeywatch in December 2010…

“The boys in brown have been up to their old tricks again with raids on numerous bars including Champagne and Carousel. ID cards were checked and urine tests were carried out on staff. Police in attendance said they were particularly impressed by the co-operative attitude of one bar where the girls were already providing urine samples as officers entered the premises.

A five metre long boa constrictor that had been eating livestock at a temple in Sriracha was finally caught last week after monks were alerted by a barking dog. When asked if the capture had been a difficult task, one monk replied “Ever tried to handcuff a snake?”

The team from Pattaya has been disqualified from a national shooting contest after it was discovered the clay pigeons they were using weren’t regulation size…

An armed robber who stole goods worth 800,000 baht from a gold shop has been identified after he helpfully dropped his mobile phone while running away from the scene of the crime. The police say the Thai man, who has been identified as a Mr Yuslas Sakkashit, is still on the run and have advised him to give himself up before they start using him for target practice. Silly bugger.

Just when you thought things couldn’t get worse, the long-delayed Pattaya Music Festival finally arrived in mid-December to bring succour to the terminally tone deaf. Still, they tried their best. You’ve gotta love the little brown sods, haven’t you? No, thought not.

Finally, it was announced on Christmas Eve that Thailand is to send a spacecraft to the moon, so make sure you don’t have Covid-19 when visiting Pattaya or you might find yourself at the front of the queue for a one-way ticket.

A very Merry Christmas to you all.

be seeing you

monkeyman

[Bullfrog 1,692]

24 minutes ago, monkeyman said:

11010 A Go Go

I wouldn't expect Western LGBTQers in there either ... it's binary ...

[teelack 7,093]

A chuckle at breakfast time always starts the day well. Thanks.

Sent from my CPH1941 using Tapatalk

[Billions 682]

Fantastico!

[sailingbill 366]

Always a joy MW