Monkeywatch - September 2023

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for coming back for more, and welcome to some more dollops of dirt served up on a Pattaya platter. Engage warped drive.

Let’s begin with some good news. It’s been reported that Chinese visitor numbers to Pattaya are declining. Various reasons have been put forward to explain this, such as higher air fares and visa complications, but no mention was made of things like Chinese drowning on sinking ferries, being shot dead in the crossfire between feuding Thai gangs and plummeting to their death from various high-placed locations. Must have slipped their minds when they did the report.

Pattaya has announced plans to build a brand new ferry pier on Koh Larn. Bit of a waste of time if you ask us. Most of them sink before they get that far.

Local police have begun late-night inspections of Pattaya Beach “to ensure tourist safety.” Thus far 17 tourists have been arrested, 31 fined and two deported. There you go. That’s 50 tourists who feel really safe already.

We understand that this sign was modified to accommodate the stature of the average Chinese tourist…

Walking Street’s big tree (sometimes referred to as the FLB tree) is currently receiving what’s being referred to as “tender loving care.” If it receives the same level of tender loving care as the trees on Beach Road, the cries of “Timber!” can’t be too far away.

Looks like U-Tapao Airport has been given the green light for a 24 hour entertainment zone, so they can expect the arrival of copious amounts  of drunks, drug dealers, prostitutes and sex shows before very long. It seems that their long term goal is to turn the place into an entertainment city where people will fly in, have their fun and fly out again without ever setting foot outside the place. Sounds like a winner if they can sell the idea to the multiplicity of stinking pigs who seem to think that their mission in life is to go to Pattaya and piss off everybody within a five mile radius.

Following Thailand’s adoption of the United Nations decree that children should be protected from violence to animals, all young people in Pattaya are to be issued with free blindfolds. It was also decided that any surplus blindfolds should be given to woke tourists to protect them from real life.

Pattaya’s new topless bar isn’t quite what we expected…

Bar news now, and Pulse A Go Go in LK Metro has been relaunched as Minx (thought they were the blokes with the orange robes.) There’s also a new place on Soi Buakhao called Stunners, though initial reports suggest that it may not live up to its name.

City Hall has announced that the landscaping of Beach Road is to be accelerated so it’s completed in time for high season. This has been agreed with the contractors who have promised to shift their operations up to first gear sometime soon.

Back to times gone by now with a trio of titbits from Monkeywatch in September 2013…

“Fire crews were summoned to Walking Street the other Friday night after a fire broke out in a Turkish restaurant. The cause of the fire has yet to be established, though the Pattaya Good Food Guide is believed to be high on the list of suspects.

A ferry had to be evacuated near Koh Larn last week after the engine caught fire. Those on board were transferred to speedboats and taken back to the mainland while the blaze was tackled by firefighters. The ferry was apparently taking tourists on a sightseeing trip to the spot where the last one sank.

Pattaya has been officially declared Mafia free by a senior police chief who went on to say that tourists can be reassured that the city is perfectly safe. He then abruptly left the press conference after his housemaid phoned to ask if she should take the horse’s head out of his bed.”

In line with its international commitments, Pattaya has begun preparing accommodation for illegal migrants…

 

Bar owners in Soi Chaiyapoon have been asked to cough up 5000 baht apiece “to make the soi into a new Walking Street.” An uncharitable mind might be tempted to postulate that the person behind this scheme has recently acquired a large quantity of second hand neon signs and overhead power cables.

Pattaya Floating Market dropped out of the top five most popular tourist destinations this month after it unceremoniously burned to the ground. It had always been a very popular attraction, bringing in crowds of spectators from all around the world. Bet it brought in even bigger crowds of spectators while it was on fire.

Finally, Bangkok Airways has announced that from next year all passengers will be required to be weighed before being allowed to fly. Maybe their aircraft can’t get off the ground if they’re carrying too many podgemeisters and fatsters. Doesn’t exactly fill you with confidence, does it?

be seeing you

monkeyman

[teelack 9,639]

As always, thanks for the effort. 

[forcebwithu 4,853]

Thanks @monkeyman for another installment of Monkeywatch.

Don't understand why someone would give your lighthearted look at the state of Pattaya a red arrow. Hopefully it's just a case of color blindness and they meant to click on the green one.

[yorta2 693]

1 hour ago, forcebwithu said:

Thanks @monkeyman for another installment of Monkeywatch.

Don't understand why someone would give your lighthearted look at the state of Pattaya a red arrow. Hopefully it's just a case of color blindness and they meant to click on the green one.

Neither do I, however I checked to make sure it wasn't me and mine was a laughing head. Cannot see what would have upset that member, unless he is the Turkish chef....🤔😆

[Bazle 1,485]

8 hours ago, forcebwithu said:

Thanks @monkeyman for another installment of Monkeywatch.

Don't understand why someone would give your lighthearted look at the state of Pattaya a red arrow. Hopefully it's just a case of color blindness and they meant to click on the green one.

That is a persistent problem with this board with the 'reactions" being anonymous, except to the mods/admin.

[teelack 9,639]

Thanks [mention=1216]monkeyman[/mention] for another installment of Monkeywatch.
Don't understand why someone would give your lighthearted look at the state of Pattaya a red arrow. Hopefully it's just a case of color blindness and they meant to click on the green one.

Agree. In fact I gave you a tick for bringing it up.

It's strange really. For many years this guy has been bringing us news, views and great entertainment and yet somebody thinks that it's wasting our time and rewarding him accordingly.

Nowt so strange as folk!

Sent from my CPH1941 using Tapatalk

[monkeyman 1,604]

Maybe we have a woke tourist in our midst?

[Bazle 1,485]

5 minutes ago, monkeyman said:

Maybe we have a woke tourist in our midst?

More likely a troll who can hide with anonymity. 

[Odense 492]

Maybe we have a woke tourist in our midst?

At any rate - please continue your row of amusing posts - by far most of us appreciate it.

Sendt fra min ANE-LX1 med Tapatalk

[Broughton 497]

Probably no malice or criticism meant you know most of us here have no clue what all these mojo things mean and suffer from fat finger syndrome. And let’s not get started on this auto correcting words 😩

[Brewmaster 28]

Monkeywatch is an entertaining light hearted review. Very much appreciate the effort Monkeyman.

.....and Broughton is spot on re Mojo's ...this thread has educated me in the how and why of them.

Cheers