Monkeywatch - July 2025

[monkeyman 1,705]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for tagging along, and welcome to Pattaya as it begins its celebration of the Year of the Stinking Pig. No wonder the Chinese all left.

Well, a new law passed by the Thai government at the end of last month means that in certain areas we can now buy alcohol 24 hours a day. All we need now is somewhere that’s open 24 hours a day so we can buy it.  

Investigations are under way after parts of Sukhumvit Road were plunged into darkness following the theft of street light control cables. A local spokesman said “We take a very dim view of this sort of behaviour.”

Following an incident in which a tourist was kicked in the head while buying a soda at 3:50am, visitors to Pattaya have been warned of the dangers of buying soda during the hours of darkness. 

One suspects that this sign may have been sponsored by a vinegar company…

 

If seems that the anticipated erection at the entrance to Walking Street will now be delayed until August, so anyone feeling the need for an erection before then is advised to make their own arrangements.

Questions are being asked after 20 South Koreans were arrested in Pattaya for something or other. When asked why the arrests had been made a spokesman said “We haven’t decided yet.” The men were allegedly later released without charge and 20 Burmese migrant workers arrested instead ‘to make up the numbers.’

Locals fed up with the behaviour of miscreants in their area have said that nothing will change as long as officials only use verbal warnings against those involved. Their suggestion, however, that “the police should go in and kick seven shades of shit out of them” was not well received as it was deemed to be potentially damaging to the image of the city (not to mention the miscreants.)

Following the recent huge influx of Indian tourists, Pattaya has planted a special tree to welcome them to the city…

 

Bar news time, and it’s been reported that Cupido Club on Soi 15 has already shut its doors, cementing the soi’s latterly acquired reputation as the graveyard of go go’s. What a difference a few years makes. Much the same for Penthouse, which has closed down once again.

It’s being claimed that the current situation with cannabis in Thailand is that it’s neither legal nor illegal. So it’s in the same category as prostitution, smoking in bars and shooting red lights? Okay, we understand.

Time for this month’s history lesson as we look back to some yarns from Monkeywatch in July 2015…

“A Thai bloke was arrested a couple of weeks ago after being caught on CCTV burgling an apartment on Third Road and stealing money, jewellery and a smartphone. When the man was arrested by police on Soi Buakhao, he immediately shat himself and had to be taken back to the police station for a change of clothes. Now that’s a real turd burglar for you.

Passengers had to be rescued from the Koh Larn ferry when it sank last month on the return leg of its trip from Pattaya. The reason for the sinking has yet to be established, though it’s been speculated that it may have hit a piece of stray wreckage from the Koh Larn ferry operated by the same company that sank in 2013. Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea? Bottom of the barrel, more like.

It’s been announced that Pattaya’s baht buses are to get a safety upgrade in the form of safety nets, which will be attached to the sides of the vehicles to protect passengers and their valuables.  In years to come, people will no doubt tell stories of the days when men were men and rode baht buses without the aid of a safety net. Others will tell stories of how they used to catch fish for a living until some bastards stole their nets and stuck them onto the sides of baht buses to comply with some half-witted piece of legislation.”

They’ve got less regulations than this at the bloody police station…

 

The public showers on Beach Road have finally been fixed, which has been well received by most visiting tourists, though the news seemed to cause a group of Indians to flee in panic for some reason.

Police are warning tourists that open-air bars put them at risk of theft. Very true. Have you seen how much some of them are charging for a beer lately?

Alarm has been expressed after a Swede was beaten up by a gang on Soi Buakhao. Police have advised all root vegetables in the area to be on their guard.

Finally, a delivery driver in Naklua was given a good kicking by a road worker after he rode his bike over some newly painted traffic lines. Well that’s often what happens to people in Pattaya when they cross the line.

be seeing you

monkeyman

[yorta2 736]

9 hours ago, monkeyman said:

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for tagging along, and welcome to Pattaya as it begins its celebration of the Year of the Stinking Pig. No wonder the Chinese all left.

Well, a new law passed by the Thai government at the end of last month means that in certain areas we can now buy alcohol 24 hours a day. All we need now is somewhere that’s open 24 hours a day so we can buy it.  

Investigations are under way after parts of Sukhumvit Road were plunged into darkness following the theft of street light control cables. A local spokesman said “We take a very dim view of this sort of behaviour.”

Following an incident in which a tourist was kicked in the head while buying a soda at 3:50am, visitors to Pattaya have been warned of the dangers of buying soda during the hours of darkness. 

One suspects that this sign may have been sponsored by a vinegar company…

 

If seems that the anticipated erection at the entrance to Walking Street will now be delayed until August, so anyone feeling the need for an erection before then is advised to make their own arrangements.

Questions are being asked after 20 South Koreans were arrested in Pattaya for something or other. When asked why the arrests had been made a spokesman said “We haven’t decided yet.” The men were allegedly later released without charge and 20 Burmese migrant workers arrested instead ‘to make up the numbers.’

Locals fed up with the behaviour of miscreants in their area have said that nothing will change as long as officials only use verbal warnings against those involved. Their suggestion, however, that “the police should go in and kick seven shades of shit out of them” was not well received as it was deemed to be potentially damaging to the image of the city (not to mention the miscreants.)

Following the recent huge influx of Indian tourists, Pattaya has planted a special tree to welcome them to the city…

 

Bar news time, and it’s been reported that Cupido Club on Soi 15 has already shut its doors, cementing the soi’s latterly acquired reputation as the graveyard of go go’s. What a difference a few years makes. Much the same for Penthouse, which has closed down once again.

It’s being claimed that the current situation with cannabis in Thailand is that it’s neither legal nor illegal. So it’s in the same category as prostitution, smoking in bars and shooting red lights? Okay, we understand.

Time for this month’s history lesson as we look back to some yarns from Monkeywatch in July 2015…

“A Thai bloke was arrested a couple of weeks ago after being caught on CCTV burgling an apartment on Third Road and stealing money, jewellery and a smartphone. When the man was arrested by police on Soi Buakhao, he immediately shat himself and had to be taken back to the police station for a change of clothes. Now that’s a real turd burglar for you.

Passengers had to be rescued from the Koh Larn ferry when it sank last month on the return leg of its trip from Pattaya. The reason for the sinking has yet to be established, though it’s been speculated that it may have hit a piece of stray wreckage from the Koh Larn ferry operated by the same company that sank in 2013. Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea? Bottom of the barrel, more like.

It’s been announced that Pattaya’s baht buses are to get a safety upgrade in the form of safety nets, which will be attached to the sides of the vehicles to protect passengers and their valuables.  In years to come, people will no doubt tell stories of the days when men were men and rode baht buses without the aid of a safety net. Others will tell stories of how they used to catch fish for a living until some bastards stole their nets and stuck them onto the sides of baht buses to comply with some half-witted piece of legislation.”

They’ve got less regulations than this at the bloody police station…

 

The public showers on Beach Road have finally been fixed, which has been well received by most visiting tourists, though the news seemed to cause a group of Indians to flee in panic for some reason.

Police are warning tourists that open-air bars put them at risk of theft. Very true. Have you seen how much some of them are charging for a beer lately?

Alarm has been expressed after a Swede was beaten up by a gang on Soi Buakhao. Police have advised all root vegetables in the area to be on their guard.

Finally, a delivery driver in Naklua was given a good kicking by a road worker after he rode his bike over some newly painted traffic lines. Well that’s often what happens to people in Pattaya when they cross the line.

be seeing you

monkeyman

Unsure what you are getting at with the 'vinegar' statement. Vinegar IS the remedy for most jellyfish stings (and is used widely in Australia) but it should not be used on Box Jellyfish (Sea Wasp) stings, as it makes them worse. Maybe I missed the joke....

[Bushcraft 2,643]

Nice one this month, thanks for the monthly updates on this mad town. You missed one news item: A large sinkhole has opened up on Soi Kopai. Police are looking into it.

[monkeyman 1,705]

5 hours ago, yorta2 said:

Unsure what you are getting at with the 'vinegar' statement. Vinegar IS the remedy for most jellyfish stings (and is used widely in Australia) but it should not be used on Box Jellyfish (Sea Wasp) stings, as it makes them worse. Maybe I missed the joke....

I was thinking that most people wouldn't know about the vinegar remedy (I didn't) so a company selling the stuff might want to encourage tourists to buy a bottle. Perhaps the joke was a little too obscure.

[Bruce Mangosteen 1,141]

3 hours ago, monkeyman said:

Perhaps the joke was a little too obscure.

You perhaps missed the more obvious one that involves beer that has been *ahem* run through a friend, so to speak.

[Bullfrog 2,258]

9 hours ago, yorta2 said:

but it should not be used on Box Jellyfish (Sea Wasp) stings, as it makes them worse.

Would they then be susceptible to getting a Vinegar Stroke on Beach Road ??

[jacko 8,980]

9 hours ago, Bruce Mangosteen said:

You perhaps missed the more obvious one that involves beer that has been *ahem* run through a friend, so to speak.

Now you are into the realms of another prohibited beach activity, often in the news. 

[Bruce Mangosteen 1,141]

13 hours ago, jacko said:

Now you are into the realms of another prohibited beach activity, often in the news. 

Presumably you have to pay extra for that one.