atlas2

Only 17 countries voted with The FA yesterday to suspend the vote for president...(the only candidate being Blatter)..... and one of them, Vietnam, had pressed the 'wrong' button. Of the home nations only Scotland (with much to lose), stood by England's stand ..........Wales, Northern Ireland and the Irish Republic all supporting Blatter. While England's hands are not spotless in this.........they seemed content enough to turn a blind eye to the bidding corruption while the destiny of the 2018 WC was still on offer. They now, at least, seem in tune with most observers outside the FIFA 'family' who believe FIFA needs a clean up to regain its reputation. All that this stance achieved from the assembly was general condemnation and claims of sour grapes. I only hope the press really get their teeth into this.

Barca were tremendous. Congrats to them. Pleased at least to see no complaints from Man U who never gave up.

Some years ago in a beer keller somewhere in Berlin. 'Hi Hitler.......You vont a beer?' 'Yaa'vol dumkof. Is vy I come here is to drink zer beer, slap zer ledehausen...and oggle Helda's enormous boobies.' 'Ja Ja... like zer udders of my cow ha ha ..........' ' Adolph, haft yo herd zer von about zer 2 Heredi Jooze?' 'Heredi' ...........zis is meaning 'fearful'.....trembling in zer face of Godt ya?' Ya ya, zat is correct.... Von says to zer ozer, 'Who vos zat lady I saw you viz last nicht?' Zer ozer von says ........vait for it......it's goot....... he says, 'Not my vife, not my vife' 'Ha ha ha..... zat is a goot joke....... if you understand Heredi customs unt behaviour. You are a vunny vellow Fritz.' Now zat you make zis joke, I vant to take over Germany, invade Poland, March down zer Champs Eyleez, zen take all zee frog crunching, snail chewer's wine and ban zer galic. Zen I vill kick zome fat english arse. 'Churchill.........vot a vonker. Zen I vill kill all the jooz and zer gipsies and zen zer whole fcking vorld...' 'Are you sure it is not because your application to zee, 'Vienna School of Architecture' vos turned down zat you feel so angry?' # '.......Zat too......... but mainly zer joke.' # Editors note .......Who knows how the world's history would have been different had Hitler been better at drawing.

My mate was an extra in that film........I believe him.......but I've never spotted him. I was 'in' Hard Day's Night..........Lived near Marylebone Station they let a bunch of us chase blindly round after the Beatles........My first experience of 'herd behaviour'

Well I was going to the uk for 8 days............I've put it back to July. ........When I'll go back for 5 days.

Precisely..........It's jokes like this, that make people laugh, .........That breed the likes of Hitler, Caligua, Vladimere the Impailer and Gawd Elpus.

Offensive to mermaids.

Cebual.............Joe, on the evidence here is not a sociopath. His joke is 'funny'..... to some.....I'd heard it before but I confess I laughed first time. Some of his posts are, in a weird 'Joe-way' funny. The OP's joke has been around a long time............It's funny. We as humans make fun of everything. Going the rounds now are Fukushima jokes. We make a distinction between 'it's' not funny and 'that's a funny joke. We know that mass drowning is not funny. We know the holocaust was not funny. We know death,deformity,famine........are not funny but we laugh at a good joke about any of them and no harm done. What makes you think Hitler's anti-Semitism 'began' with a jewish joke? In any case......... Hitler didn't only kill Jews. I understand your sensitivity ..............But if you ban this humour there would be a case for banning all humour because someone somewhere in the joke suffers...... Physically, psychologically, financially,sexually..........and so on. Some people are offended by the word 'fuck'...........But as your compatriot Lenny Bruce said, ''Take away the right to say 'fuck' and you take away the right to say, 'fuck the government.'' No offence but you've made a point and that's all you can do.

I didn't ask you.

We can all take a view on that...............Mine edges towards.....'yes' if it's funny. Give us an example and I'll tell you. Or would you find providing an example discomforting?

Don't worry about the Russians.............. The Nigerians are filtering in from BKK. That would be a game changer.

Respect you're right to feel how you do. but......the best Jewish jokes are told by Jews. They have a wonderful sense of humour. In any case the Iceberg joke isn't at the expense of Jews. Joe's very much is...........but we can laugh at it and not become a Nazi..........'vell I can.'

Listen Mr Clever-Clogs...............I'll have you know, I did a speed reading course.... and managed to read 'War and Peace in a day!!................ ..............It's about Russia...

BA..............'Hotter' than Hades' ring-piece..........and marginally more attractive.

Great player and tremendous accomplishments. RIP.

Heard the Liverpool Taliban had mixed emotions about losing Ossi and being laid off.

My mate's wife had always 'got the painters in'.............I'll ask her.

Couldn't agree more. And you know................If you study that 'glass' really closely you'll see that it's 'always full' ...........of water.......and 'air.' In fact, to reprise an old story. A teacher stood in front of a group of students. He held up a glass jar and began to fill it with stones. When he couldn't get another stone in he asked...'Is the glass full?' The class agreed it was. Then he took some smaller stones and as the class grinned he poured them in filling the gaps between the larger stones.....' 'Is it full now?' he asked. The class agreed that now it truly was. Then he took some sand and filled up all the gaps between the stones and the gravel. At last everyone including the teacher was satisfied that the jar was full. The teacher said.....''This jar is like your life. The large stones are the important things that 'fill' your life. Your health.....your children.........your home......Your work. Take any one of them away and your life will not be full. The smaller stones are the less important things in your life, like your possessions, cars, holidays..........Take any of these away and your life will 'still' be full. The sand is all the unimportant stuff that seems to fill our days...........the petty arguments, the flat tyres,the missed trains....'' ..........Then one A grade student approached the teacher's desk............Took out a can of beer and poured the contents into the jar where it was completely absorbed by the sand. ''However full your life is sir......there's always room for another beer.''

I was with a group. A guy with us, with a very good handicap and the bragging rights teed off first to lead the way. Somehow he found a door size gap in a hedge to his right.... the ball followed the trajectory of the path and straight into the pro-shop. He played 8 further shots off the tee. Not counting air-shots. I bet every golfer here has a similar melt-down story. It's a game, as they say, played on a 5 inch course...............the gap between our ears. Rory will recover. He's too good not to.

I 'think'...........Lad if you have a soft case they let you bring it on board with you. I had a hard case and it went in the hold. I felt like I had to watch over it, as it was just dumped by a door on a trolley in the departure lounge for about an hour..... In a Martin case screaming 'steal me' Got here ok though. I'm taking it to Aus in Dec' to give my son for his 13th.

Going through a disintegrating, road pick up a 'ton' of rattling stones. Bloody Thai roads A week later hear a rattle off-side wheel. Tink,tink tink....Stone in a wheel,can't get at it......bloody roads. And....... ..........It's Sunday............ But this is Thailand.........garages open,up on a lift,wheel removed and brake pads,drum. stone located wheel put back 150 baht..............One of Thailand's little compensations. Golf 'Masters' last round starts about 2 in the morning.........Bloody Thai time difference. Take a nap, wake up at midnite........What to do.... This is Thailand. Quick shower into Patts soi post office,Golden girls .............One of Thailand's compensations Feeling a new man......... Back for a cup of tea and some biscuits to watch the Thaiger Woods show. Golf yesterday morning .......5 mins from the course at 6.45 phon dop nack. Rain clears. Pay up and start off. 3rd hole 10 feet from the whole pissing down again. 3 putt........Bloody Thai rain. soaked to the skins shoes full under-pants showing through wet shorts..........get to a shelter. Caddie conjures up a towl.........lays it on the counter............,PRODUCES AN IRON.... AND irons dry our shirts for us. Thailand's little compensations...........I think only in Thailand I love it here.

Good one.

Again Pirc was my defence..............Can't remember any of it now. There is a place where they play chess in Patts.........never been but will have a look and get back to you.

Thanks for the offer. I'm rubbish....not being modest here......been playing since I was 13 and still extremely limited. But enjoy it. Play a little bit of everything, share finger-picking-styles and birth date with Paul Simon..........He 'picked' his up and nicked some song arrangements at Cecil Sharp House in Camden where I had lessons in the 60s Play bottle neck in open E.....badly.....Bought, and still have the same bottle neck on the day the white Album came out. Dropped D for a few.........also badly. I do a pretty good 'Blackbird' though. Good as Paul's anyway. On my new Atlas guitar I try to doodle blues licks like a Peter Green but sound like Green Peter. I'm currently messing with 'Stormy Monday,' a jazzy 'Georgia'.......and 'Kashmir' Headphones obligatory. Play Uke........enjoy that, don't feel so inhibited..........More for fun that posing in the kitchen at parties on guitar. .............now I was thinking of buying some bag-pipes.......I hear Pakistan make the best ones these days.....Obbsey. I'll pm Gawd Elpus see if he can pick some up for me when he's next over there radicalising Muslims.

''.......I would invite you but the 'Queens' I use would not excite you...........I get my kicks above the waistline Sunshine'' ........'' not much between despair and ecstasy......'' Popped in again today and caught the game between Nigel Short and an Indian IM. Short was way ahead on time and held the initiative with that important 'move ahead' Without a commentary, and just my own limited interpretation of what was going on and the player's body language to inform me, I found my heart pounding between moves. Made me remember why I gave chess up at 29 and found more proper channels for releasing my adrenaline by playing squash. Talking afterwards Short said he's now the oldest player in the top 100 GMs. Don't know how he's handled the tension for so long.....child prodigy and all that. Anyway, Short won...........The Indian IM resigned...............couldn't tell you why.........