DrPat

Yes, I thought I'd read / written something similar quite recently.

The topic with this title in the Members Bar reminded me of the gag... An old boy goes to the doctor. He says, "Doctor, I'm getting married at the weekend. I'm 93 and she's 27 and the thing is, we'd really like to have children. What can you recommend?" The doctor replies, "Well, to be brutally honest, your best bet is to take in a lodger." A couple of months later the old boy's back for another visit. "Wonderful news, Doctor! The wife's pregnant!" The doctor says, "Oh, so you took my advice about the lodger?" The old boy replies, "Yes..... she's pregnant too."

Reminds me of the one about two women talking: “What do you call your man?” “I calls him Drambuie” “Drambuie? Ain’t that some kind of fancy liquor?” “Yep”

As always, excellent work – Happy 100! This is reminiscent of the recent story from Bombay - sorry Mumbai. They introduced a new system with the buses; instead of ‘pay as you enter’ it was ‘pay as you leave’. But they had to abandon the scheme after three days – they ran out of empty buses. Edit in: Also works if you substitute Bombay/ Mumbai with Glasgow.

I didn’t intend my post to be a criticism of all ladyboys. I was only referring to the specific ladyboys who are at the one particular location I mentioned in #8. Similar to your experience of ladyboys, there have been a good number of ‘regular girls’ who have given me good customer service. Apologies for any misunderstanding.

I took the following at Big C. The ‘Coffee World’ there employs a couple of ladyboys and the one genuine lady there always reminds me of Cinderella. i.e she does the work whilst the, shall we say, ‘slightly less attractive sisters’ look on. The photo shows the adjacent and slightly worryingly named ‘Cream and Fudge’, which also employs a ladyboy – hence the ‘fudge’ I guess.

Re the picture taken inside the Baht Bus, I took a picture of the ‘Rocket Ball’ ad. I thought a go on the ‘reverse bungee’ would be just to job at 4am after a good night on the pop, but (fortunately) I always found something better to do.

Excellent! OK4U2?

I always book direct with the hotel. I’ve checked booking sites from time to time and generally by the time you’ve added the various taxes, charges and credit card booking fees, there is no real saving. Also, when I find a room I particularly like, I can specify the room number. Booking direct I never have to pay up front – the worst case scenario is giving a credit card number to guarantee the room. To date I have never cancelled a trip, but you never know…

Photo 2 seems to be missing something always included in my BKK hotel. Where are the condoms? Thanks for the review. I was in Saigon last year. Because of all the motorbikes coming from every direction, embarrassingly I had to get a policeman to help me cross the road – he looked about 12.

As I said in #3, I have no interest in football / soccer whatsoever, but it seems to me that professional 'sport' has very little to do with 'sport'. I could imagine a headmaster showing prospective parents round the sports fields of a school saying, "...yes, in the winter we teach the boys match fixing and in the summer it's ball tampering."

Excellent work as always! I'll tell all of my Thai short time wives to view my plonker via the wrong side of some binoculars next time they complain it's tooooooo big. That should reduce it to more reasonable proportions.

Re my #8 above, I'm currently in Sabai Wing on Soi 1. When I stayed here in March it was 1,650 per night for my usual 'deluxe pool view' room. This time I booked at 1,350, but when I arrived I was told I'd been given a special price of 1,150. Just when you think nothing will surprise you in Pattaya, something does - you get a discount without even asking for one! PS They also have a sign up at the moment: 'Promotion 990', although I'm guessing that this is for one of the (very acceptable) standard rooms. Edit in: All prices 'room only', but include tax & service charge.

No, not the one about the Irish woman who gave birth to twins and her husband wanted to know who the other man was... but this one: A Dublin mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase. "What's happened Paddy?" she asks anxiously. "What's happened?!! I'll tell you what's happened. I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home early from my fishing trip. I get home... and guess what I found? Yes, your daughter, my wife Bridget, naked with Frankie O'Donnell in our marital bed! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!!" "Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. Bridget would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened." Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile. "Paddy. I told you there must be a simple explanation …......she never got your E-mail!"

I have no interest in football / soccer whatsoever, but I love the theatrical side... and the academy award for acting goes to...and the award for best dive...and the award for best facial expression... Aussie Rules players must find all this so amusing. When AR players get knocked down for real, they just bounce back up.

QUESTION: You are on duty by yourself, walking on a deserted street late at night. Suddenly, an armed man with a large knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you. You are carrying your truncheon and have had some training in how to use it. However, you have only a split second to react before he reaches you. What do you do ? ANSWER: British Police Officer: Firstly, the Officer must consider the man's human rights. 1) Does the man look poor or oppressed? 2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law? 3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger? 4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? 5) Am I dressed provocatively? 6) Could I run away? 7) Could I possibly swing my truncheon and knock the knife out of his hand? 8) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong-doings? 9) Why am I carrying a truncheon anyway and what kind of message does this send to society? 10) Does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content just to wound me? 11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me? 12) If I raise my truncheon and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and injures himself? 13) If I hurt him and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home? 14) Etc. etc..... Thai Police Officer: BANG! American Police Officer: BANG! BANG! BANG !BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! 'Click'...Reload... BANG! BANG! BANG !BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Australian Police Officer: "Drop the knife NOW - unless you want it stuck up yer arse!"

Thanks again for checking the system is working. I only asked because, as I said above, a PM sent to me on 15 June only got to my email and not my Pattayatalk inbox. Everything seems fine now. It may well have been a temporary glitch in the system. You know what they say: To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

I just like to keep my hand in...

Atlas2! Sorry for the delay in replying - been out doing medical checks (and redistributing wealth) on Soi 6. All seems OK now - message received loud and clear. Thanks for the test.

Is the PM function working? I was expecting a couple of PMs, but nothing has appeared. Normally I would assume that the senders don't love me any more, but someone sent me a message on 15 June which only made it as far as my registered email and not to my Pattayatalk messenger inbox. Were my outbound messages (from 13 June) delivered? (Notwithstanding the above, I'm having fun here in Pattaya).

I know it’s luck of the draw, but for my April ’13 trip the Emirates 777 to Dubai was only at about 60% occupancy. I had six rows of seats to myself. As I recall I had (at least) four seats to myself on all four legs of that particular trip. The Dubai to BKK and BKK to Dubai legs are usually ram-jam full.

I regularly use Sabai Wing in Soi 1, which is more or less over the road from Big C. http://www.sabaiwing.com/ I usually go for a ‘deluxe pool view room’ at around 1250-1650 a night. There always seem to be family groups there – some may be Russian, but have never caused me a problem.

Excellent!

OK, I’ve resisted replying for a good while, but let me just see if I’ve got this right… You are in Australia and you have met a Thai lady on-line in London and you are considering buying her a return plane ticket to Perth… Can I offer my services? I live near to London – well, considerably nearer to London that you. For a small fee I will happily meet the young lady and check if her intentions are honourable. Just send me your bank details, your date of birth and your mother’s maiden name – I’ll do the rest. Seriously, there has to be some locations with Thai ladies closer to Perth than London. Have you considered Pattaya? As I always try to make my posts helpful or amusing, and I’m the first to admit that some may appear to be neither, in this case my helpful advice is: give your heads a shake. PS Are you related to Paul230?

Sadly, that reminds me of another gag. A Scottish gentleman and a Jewish gentleman go into a pub. They just get to the bar and the Scotsman says, “Put your money away – I’ll get these.” Headline in the next day’s paper: - Jewish Ventriloquist Found Dead Behind Pub -