PattayaPete

again

Times should be correct from now on.

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It's just another issue from the restore. It will be a few days before everything is working exactly right.

again

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The law states that the period of extention is at the discretion of the immigration officer but in any case not more than 50% of the time allowed by the existing visa. In Pattaya this has translated to 30 days if you have a proper tourist visa in your passport or 7 days if you got a visa on arrival. However as it is a discretionary matter the only way to be sure it to pay your money and take your chance.

Hi Fon I have updated a couple of the pics for you.

Fire Guts the Best Disco in Town: In one of the worst tragedies ever to befall a night entertainment operation in the history of Pattaya, the Route 999 nightclub on Third Road (near the junction with North Pattaya Road) was gutted by what appears to have been an electrical fire on the night of Sunday 7 May. At the time of writing, eight people, apparently all employees of the nightclub, died in the blaze and more than 80 others have been injured, some severely. The fire began around 9:00PM, had it been a couple of hours later the place would have been packed and the tragedy probably even worse than it already has been. The main nightclubs here in Pattaya are places such as Lucifer's and Tony's (both on Walking Street) as well as Hollywood (South Pattaya Road) and X-Zyte (Third Road), but the fairly recently opened Route 999 was set to become one of the best and most dominant places in this lucrative market. It was under the same ownership and management as Model Club (Second Road, past Soi 6) and Polo (Walking Street) and, especially on weekends, had a great vibe. The joint was large and staffed by a cast even Cecil B. DeMille would have struggled to assemble in his heyday, with three large rooms featuring hip-hop, a live band, and one featuring dancers capable of grooving without the aid of a chrome pole. Just a week prior to the fire, management had brought down 30-plus good looking dancers from Bangkok. I'm not sure if they were present on the night of the fire. One wonders what measures will now be undertaken by those in authority to put systems in place to prevent or minimise the chances of something like this ever happening again? After all, there are a few places in town, which I could name but won't for obvious reasons, that appear to be potential fire traps with narrow exits or, even worse, exits with locked doors. Angels with Dirty Faces: I've so far refrained from making any real comments about the Angelwitch shows-r-us den (Soi 15, off Walking Street) since they opened their substantial doors at the end of January. There appeared to be a lot of problems with the start-up and I thought it only fair to wait until they had settled into stride before making any comments. A lot of people felt the place was too large for its own good, but I disagree completely. Yes, it is large, with bench seating downstairs laid out in a circular, almost theatrical, style. Then there is a spacious viewing area on the second floor. The design has been very carefully thought out and the finish and decoration (red being the primary colour) make it feel fairly intimate for what is a large space. In no way does it feel like a barn. Most of the music is good and broadcast via a top quality sound system. The acoustics are good and the music is at the right decibel level, allowing people to talk without having to shout. The initial problems with the place were the style of shows, primarily a lack of flesh, and the poor quality of the dancing damsels. Management tell me they run a series of 20 shows per night, but have around 35 in their repertoire. This means many of the shows you see on one night may not necessarily be repeated on the following evening. There are currently 15 show girls, and only one of these is part of the original Bangkok (Nana Plaza) troupe brought down to get things started. The shows usually begin around 10:00PM and most of the girls are very well trained, with quite a few easy on the eye. Their entrances, by way of sliding down the chrome poles from the second floor, put me in mind of a group of apprentice firemen on a drill. The Vanessa Mae show, involving a single damsel fetchingly attired and doing a passable impersonation of the popular classical violinist, is well worth the price of a libation. It was noticeable that there were quite a number of females, either in small clutches or accompanying foreigners, who seemed to be enjoying the shows. The sign out front of the den is subtitled ‘rock dancers'. Being unkind, there are a number of the 40 or so non-show girls who look as though they've been subjected to a good stoning, and not with happy weed. Compared to the chrome pole molesters in quite a number of the better dens around town, the majority of the dancers in Angelwitch do leave a lot to be desired on the looks front, but make up for their lack of model status by being a generally friendly bunch. Overall, I think the place has gone ahead in leaps and bounds in recent weeks and if you are inclined towards show dens as opposed to the ogling variety, then Angelwitch is well worth a visit. Dancing for Diamonds: Sunday night 28 May will see the resumption of the popular Diamond gogo (Soi Diamond) dance contests, following a hiatus of a few months. On a recent visit to the den I noticed management have recruited a lot of new faces so this should inject even more interest into an in-house dance contest. []b]Two Holes to Fill:[/b] The trouble-plagued Wednesday night Quiz League has recently suffered a double blow with two teams withdrawing from the 12-team competition. The first was the long-running Pleasure Dome (Soi Post Office) that is now under new ownership and, according to reports, been turned into a massage parlour. The other scratching is Shagwell Mansion (Soi Arunothai, off Central Pattaya Road), due to a lack of participants. On Sunday nights, the 10-team quiz league has just completed its latest round-robin series and OK Corral (Soi Rungland, off South Pattaya Road) was successful. Apparently, OK Corral has recorded 54 successive weeks at the top of the Sunday competition. Ace in the Petrol Head Hole: For those of you who enjoy watching vehicles with two and four wheels race against each other around and around and around an asphalt track without getting dizzy, one place you might like to consider spending a lazy Sunday afternoon is the Ace Café in Jomtien (opposite the Hanuman Statue). Martin, the Elephant Man, is mine host and offers c omplimentary bar snacks and a variety of amber liquids, including Old Speckled Hen, Newcastle Brown Ale, John Smith's Smooth, and San Miguel Light and Regular. As Scarce as a Pattaya Virgin: The first edition of the 48-page glossy magazine Pattaya by Night, released just over four months ago, is almost sold out, and there will definitely be no reprints. The magazine is to be produced twice a year and has exclusive photos from inside a number of the better quality gogos and boozers around town. It retails at a mere 120 baht and can be found in Soi Post Office at DK and TK Bookshops; on Central Road in DK Bookmart (near Beach Road) and Pattaya Beach Books (upstairs in Tops); Jeremy's Bookshop (Soi Chaiyapoom); and on the internet at www.dcothai.com The second edition is being earmarked for production around the end of July. Something Old, Something New: One of Pattaya's longest-running dens, Happy (Walking Street), seems to have recruited an almost entirely fresh batch of chrome pole molesters, and most of them look as though they were born to stare in a wall-length mirror. For a while the den seemed to have lost its ability to attract top sorts in substantial numbers, and given the rapid growth in dens in the area in recent times it looked as though they might struggle to regain lost ground. So I suppose it's no surprise the place is once more packing them in from the opening bell until the close of play. At the same time, the management of the Babewatch chrome pole palace (Soi 16 or Covent Garden complex) have also been responsible for an almost complete shake-out in the ranks of their dancing damsels. The new crew of wallet-emptiers have apparently come from near and far, including refugees from one Nana Plaza den. The joint is starting to grow its reputation and is now worthy of being placed on what seems to be an ever-growing ‘must visit' list. The word around town is that the thankfully defunct Marilyn's gogo (Beach Road, next door to the Siren bar complex) and parts of the area nearby are to be redeveloped and turned into…wait for it… three new palaces of the chrome pole. On the site of The Market on Second Road (north of Soi 6) plans are underway to develop the area as another major boozing complex with beer boozers and body massage joints and nosheries. It's expected to take around six months and be ready for the next high season. Tales from the Crib: An American man was making his first visit to the Land of Chrome Pole Hustlers and wandered into a well-known gogo in Soi Diamond. The man was fairly shy and the manager of the den therefore set him up with one of his friendliest and most forward dancing damsels. The man thought she was a real diamond and paid the bar fine. The pair wandered off into the evening and the next night returned hand-in-hand. The girl was sporting a wide grin and sauntered straight up to the manager, announcing happily in a loud voice, “Boss, he did it three times…up the arse!!” The man shook himself free of the girls' hand as he went a bright shade of crimson. Piece of Pith: We are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

Bart If you email it to me, I'll host it for you. peter@pattayapages.com I am away from home from Sunday afternoon so you need to send it before then if you want me to host it. Pete

Boom and boom boom in Pattaya R.I.P.: Patrick Jourand, the genial and jovial proprietor of one of Pattaya's longest-running and finest French (Swiss) munching palaces Le Petrus on Soi Yamato, sadly passed away on 15 April. According to reports, Patrick had been ill for some time. Pattaya is definitely the poorer for his passing. Tales of Chrome Pole Palaces: The number of gogos in Pattaya is set to keep rising if strong rumours, which have been circulating for some time, are true. The Thai boxing arena and the beer boozers around it in front of the Dollhouse gogo (Walking Street) and directly underneath the Marine late-night Disco are supposedly to be re-developed with the focus being on the construction of up to six dedicated dens of the chrome pole. The question no doubt on the lips of other bar owners must surely be, ‘where are all the dancers going to come from?' After all, most places struggle to attract sufficient dancers and many -most if the truth be known- employ a few ladies who could probably be charged with an offence against private property for the way they molest a chrome pole. Expanding the Empire: The Dollhouse gogo, rightly marked as being the one that led the incredible resurgence of Walking Street a few short years ago, has changed hands. In the last week or so of April, the Dollhouse was taken over by a combination of the people who have been very successful with Club Boesche (Soi 16) and Captain Picard, the commander of the Living Dolls Showcase den. There are no plans to change the name, with the previous owners preferring to concentrate their attentions on The Dollhouse Bangkok (Soi Cowboy). The new brooms plan on taking their time to revitalise what used to be one of Fun Town's better dens and at the time of going to press it's my understanding the place will have a party to celebrate the changeover around 5 May with talk of a dance contest a couple of nights later. Regulars would have noticed the Dollhouse seemed to have lost its direction in recent times, but I've no doubt we'll be seeing some dramatic changes in coming months. For Captain Picard it must feel like a return to the time machine, as this was the place he commenced his career, as manager; now he returns as one of the owners. Are You A Player? Located above the Mumbai boozer in the dog-leg section of Soi Marina Plaza, the Players late-night Disco should be well and truly open for business by the time you read this. The opening night, so I was told, was supposed to be on 28 April. Once more, as with The Dollhouse, the venture is a combined effort between the operators of Club Boesche and Living Dolls Showcase. The place is not a gogo, it is designed more as an intimate style nightclub, along the lines of the very successful and popular Casino Club (Soi Diamond). I hope to have more information, and pictures, available for the next missive. Parking Premium: Had an email from my reader who was upset at the cost of parking his car in the Tony's parking area near Walking Street. He was told the charge would be 30 baht, which he was happy to pay, but then informed it was 30 baht per hour. He decided this was an unacceptably high impost and drove off to find a spot on Second Road instead. In fairness, I sent an email to the Tony's operation and they replied to the effect that as yet the land they are using as a car park at present is earmarked for further development, but while it is waiting for that development to commence they are offering it as the closest off-street parking to Walking Street, but at a premium. Their argument is that the land cost some 42 million baht and there are monthly expenses accruing, so in order to offset these they charge 30 baht an hour for parking. To put things in a little perspective, a four-hour parking charge would run to 120 baht, the price of one drink in many of the show dens around Walking Street. Clubbed to the Point of Exhaustion: There has been, and is, a subtle but very definite change in the nightlife scene in Pattaya and Jomtien taking place with the opening of more and more late night Disco style venues. The Casino Club (Soi Diamond), Route 999 (Third Road), Players (Soi Marina Plaza) and at least two other joints set to open in and around Walking Street in the next few months are adding to the existing places such as Marine, Tony's, and Lucifers (all on Walking Street). While there's no doubt the gogos will retain supremacy for some time to come, there are more and more under-40-year-olds making Pattaya a regular port of call, and many of them just love to party in both the dens and the head-banging joints. I have a feeling many of them think the girls they ‘pull' from the late-night places are ‘not really hookers'. A rose by any other name. At any rate, the competition on the night scene is set to keep growing as the places that are opening are getting classier and classier-looking. One place that is taking its time to draw the crowds but is certainly worth a look, even if only for the terrace bar above the main area, is Echoes in the Jomtien Complex. Billing itself as a dance club, it opened in November 2005 and the management are aware it will take quite some time to build a solid and regular clientele, but they are prepared to put in the hard yards. The place is spacious and well-appointed, with free pool tables upstairs for customers and a nice terrace to sit and relax if you want to escape the music downstairs. A top-shelf liver waster runs to 130 baht, which may seem pricey except it comes in a big glass and thus represents better value than many similar establishments. Coffee and tea are 50 baht with lolly water at 65 baht, so prices are not outlandish. Some New Spice on the Greeting Bench: The Spicy Girls gogo (Pattayaland Soi 1) started life just over six years ago with Martin -the Elephant Man- and Ewan in partnership. The den was previously known as Papillon and has been a feature of the Pattaya chrome pole palace landscape for about 13 years all up. Martin sold out a couple of years back (he now runs the Ace Café in Jomtien, near the Hanuman Statue) and Panda took his place in the meting and greeting duties. Now Ewan has sold his share and as of the start of May Panda becomes the senior partner. It will be interesting to see what changes, if any, are made to the format, but whatever happens I wish them all the best in what is becoming an increasingly tougher market for operators away from Walking Street. Tired and Faded: If long-service medals are ever awarded to the damsels of the chrome pole then surely some of the first in line for a raft of decorations would be many of those employed by the Champion gogo (Walking Street). The place plays good music and always has and if you fancy obtaining an almost 100 percent view of stretch marks, dimples, pockmarks, and sagging protruding bits of the ageing practitioners of the art of chrome pole molestation, then Champion is the place for you. In an increasingly competitive market, the décor is desperately in need of a makeover, not only in terms of fixtures and fittings but of the staff. Lady drinks are now 105 baht; excellent value for the masochist. Still Going Strong: Browsing through the latest edition of Pattaya Restaurants (email: info@pattayanightlife.de ), the free pocket street guide, I noticed an advertisement for Studio Café & Guesthouse, located on Naklua Soi 13. There are three items highlighted as features offered by the café: ‘cocktails, snacks & bargefluster'. I think the last time I contracted something that could be construed as a ‘bargefluster' I couldn't trust myself to be out of sight of a suitable lavatory facility. The Pattaya Restaurants booklet is a sister publication to Pattaya Nightlife Guide, a perfect pocketbook for getting around the boozers and dens of Fun Town. Although I am no longer directly associated with the publication, and haven't been for a few years now, I am happy to say it continues to do the job for which it was intended: helping newcomers, and even regulars, easily find their way to the boozers of Pattaya. The booklet comes out every two months or so and is distributed free to mid-range hotels, boozers, nosheries and anywhere else there are liable to be people looking for a specific guide to the nightlife in Fun Town. To Be Sure…An Indian-run, Irish Pub: The Ali Baba Indian noshery has been a feature of the Central Road landscape for many a long year and the premises right next door, which formerly housed the Sikh Indian owner's travel agent and tailor shop, is being renovated and is to be turned into an Irish-themed pub, along the lines of Shenanigans, Kilkenny and Jamieson's, although it will be smaller in size. There's no truth in the rumour the place will be named O'Grover's. Piece of Pith: ‘Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same.' –Oscar Wilde

Age Hasn't Wearied Him: Congratulations to Chris Leat, the current majority shareholder and one of the original owners of the highly-regarded Blues Factory live music venue (Soi Lucky Star, off Walking Street), celebrated his birthday on 17 March, St Patrick's Day. Not being a football fan I don't know whether Chelsea, his home team, did the right thing and won whatever match they might have been engaged in that weekend; then again, Chris was probably too inebriated to care…until after the hangover wore off. Truth in Advertising? On the recommendation of a friend (whose well-trained Labrador, I would soon learn, must have been undergoing corrective eye surgery) I made the mistake of wandering into the Naughty Girls table dancing den (Soi Diamond). A sign outside suggests ‘100' ladies (actually spelt ‘ladis') would be working inside; talk about hyperbole. I counted 15 damsels performing the table dance shuffle, only three of whom piqued any tumescent interest. One of these, hardly a spring chicken at the age of 32 -as if I can talk- had just managed to squeeze herself next to me and after a brief introduction of name, rank, and serial number I was then confronted by a waitress with all the charm of a malfunctioning nuclear reactor who asked if I would care to purchase said seated damsel a drink. No prizes for guessing my answer. Before the veteran chrome pole molester slipped off to find easier victims, I asked her the whereabouts of the other 85 ladies deemed to be working in the joint. After a few seconds of blank expression, a 10-watt bulb swung into action and she ‘got with the program' as the Yanks would say and made comments such as, “Day off, bar fine, sick…” What, 85 of them? Either the advertising is exaggerated, or this place may be concealing a serious congenital illness among its dancers. The music was OK when I first went in and then went suddenly downhill, descending into painful car alarm; libations are no great value with liver wasters at 100 baht. Once more I left a place wondering why the more I seem to pay for a drink the lower the quality of the damsels seems to be. Now That's What I Call a Meat Tray: After months of lying idle, the Stringfellows gogo (Soi Yamato) recently re-opened and didn't require a name change for the simple reason the sign says it all. According to my informants the joint has been taken over by the people who run the Goldfingers chrome pole palace in Soi 7, but the difference between the pair is Stringfellows has a crutch of dancing danglers as their attraction. Around a dozen or so lady-boys strut their stuff in what is Fun City's first den of the chrome pole of its kind away from Walking Street. There's no happy hour but Thai rotgut is 65 baht and bottled amber fluid and house liver wasters 80 baht. Worth a Few Rounds: I tend not to write too much about bar beers for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that most of them sell over-priced libations while employing -at best in most cases- only a couple of attractive damsels, while many of the others would be better suited returning to the rump of a water buffalo. I've found the best and most comfortable beer boozers to be those that are enclosed and operate as stand-alone enterprises. One which fits this style is the Boxing Roo on Third Road (about 50 metres up from the long-running Buffalo ). No prizes for guessing the place is owned and run by fellow Aussies; perhaps part of the reason why I like it. Since the place is away from the usual track trudged by the back-poking brigade of purveyors of sundry items from VCD's to cigarettes, customers can sit and enjoy a libation or 20 without hassle. The damsels employed to entertain customers are a mixed bag, but most are friendly and would suit most tastes. There are two free pool tables for customers to use, with probably the most unforgiving pockets in Pattaya (except when it comes to the white ball). The music is brilliant, from a time prior to the advent of house/trance/techno/hip hop and albeit more appreciated by Australians or people of greater than a certain vintage. I was in the boozer on a Friday evening recently and heard music by singers I had almost forgotten ever existed: Johnny O'Keefe (Australia's ‘wild' man of rock and roll who died in his early forties; around the same time as Elvis), Russell Morris, Brian Cadd, The Deltones, The Angels (with ‘Am I Ever Going to See Your Face Again?', a title most club goers of the late 70s and early 80s will remember was shamelessly re-worked by the masses into ‘Are You Ever Going to Sit on My Face Again?'), The Seekers, John Farnham, and many more. Lolly water starts at 40 baht, Heineken and Tiger amber are 60 baht, most liver wasters around 80 baht. The boozer has Victoria Bitter -that most delectable of amber liquids- for 100 baht as well as Foster's (for those who think Aussies drink this stuff…we don't) at the same impost. The Jewel is Back in the Crown: After a few months where it lost its way in a mire of partnership difficulties, the Diamond gogo (Soi Diamond) seems to be heading back in the right direction. The place has around 35 chrome pole molesters and the shows, especially the one involving a brace of girls speaking in tongues, are worth a look if you haven't seen them previously. Most libations are priced under 100 baht. What's Wrong With This Picture: A couple of weeks back I went out one night on Walking Street with a friend from England, and the first three places we went into provided some significant variation in terms of the ratio of good quality dancers (in our opinion) compared to the price of drinks. We kicked off in the New Living Dolls 1 gogo, downing a single liver waster. This was just 45 baht, at the end of happy hour; I think the general impost is 90 baht outside happy hour. The quality of the damsels hugging the chrome poles was top-shelf, and only a curmudgeonly punter would be unable to find at least one girl for whom he couldn't happily purchase a condo, or at the very least a Suzuki Smash. It's no surprise the place is usually busy with a good atmosphere as well. Then it was on to Coyotee's, down in Soi Marina Plaza . Another liver waster (95 baht; industry standard) and the dancers were definitely a worthy bunch, although for my personal taste not quite as good as in Living Dolls. Upstairs the management have installed three bird-baths. Now before you start thinking they've decided to branch out into the aviary caper, these bird baths are designed to hold a ‘resting' dancer who languishes in the fashion of a wrinkled mermaid while punters indulge in liquid refreshments. It's the perfect place for a private party; the night we were in happened to coincide with Pattaya Today's real estate correspondent Peter Lloyd's stag night. The shows downstairs usually commence around 10:00PM and one, involving bananas, is worth checking for those who might be searching for that special lass with the kind of ability to speak in tongues without actually saying anything. I'd certainly like the banana concession for the joint. My friend had not been into X-Zone in the Covent Garden complex and expressed a desire to check the place out. So we wandered in and partook of another liver destroying libation. This proved easily the most expensive, at 120 baht. Unfortunately, this proved to be the poorest of the trio in terms of delectable dancers. It seemed to be the more we paid for a drink, the poorer the ‘quality' of the chrome pole molesters went. Regarding X-Zone, I have to say I haven't personally been impressed at any of the three times I've been in, and yet I am aware of at least three people involved in bars here in Fun Town who told me they quite like the place. Part of the attraction appears to be the regular show involving birthday-suited damsels and copious quantities of water and soap. Since the three people who have told me they like the place happen to be Poms, I can only assume part of the attraction is the fascination they have with the employment of soap as a cleaning agent. It puts me in mind of the old joke, Q: “Where does a Pom hide his money?” A: “Under the soap”. I find the bar is far too big and barn-like; you wouldn't want to be myopic. It's very much like the long-gone Baby 3 chrome pole palace in the size sense. As with anything, I can only write as I see things personally. This does not mean I'm right. Others clearly see something in X-Zone that I haven't and I can only suggest people go and make up their own minds. Lees Time, More Money: Word on the street is that some of the pay-for-play som dtam -wouldn't melt in their mouth working girls are starting to demand 2,500 baht for Sierra-Tango (S/T) activities. Piece of Pith: “It is because the slave takes his name from his master.” (Casanova's answer when asked, at the age of 11, why the Latin word for vagina was masculine and the word for penis feminine)

I second that recommendation Sunny. Tell him Peter sent you and he'll give you a discount as well. One of the few places in Pattaya where they really understand customer service.

Not really. If you stay at the top until the page has fully loaded then it won't bounce but that really does not solve your problem. The web page designer can also prevent this by specifying the size of images and thus reserving space in the page for them before they have downloaded. That obviously would not work for a forum like this where the designer has no idea what size images will be posted. The best and really the only solution is to have a fast connection so you don't have to wait for pics to download.

I think you will find that FLB Bar who sponsor and pay for this forum is also the best place to meet members from the forum. If you want to be introduced to other members ask for Keith, the manager or Martin, the owner and they will do the honours for you.

The Mathematics of Business: Has Fun Town been busy during this latest high season? There are plenty of long-timers who say no. Is this because there are fewer visitors to Pattaya? No. The reason is really quite simple: there has been a massive increase in the number of entertainment outlets in Pattaya in the last three years and, despite the zoning ‘plans' of City Hall, the damn things are literally everywhere you look. Take Soi Buakhow as one example. At the turn of the century this was still, in essence, a neat back road between Central Pattaya Road and South Pattaya Road; now it is an increasingly busy thoroughfare with some kind of bar or restaurant within a Heineken bottle's throw of each other, especially in the stretch of tarmac between Soi Diana and the flea market 500 metres or so down the road. Walking Street, as I've mentioned many times, has seen an incredible surge in the number of chrome pole establishments along its length and in the sois appending it. Even if the number of single men visiting Pattaya has grown by, say, 10 percent in the last couple of years, the number of boozers catering to them has jumped by around 40 or more percent. Look around you at the bars with just two or three customers warming a bar stool and then think about where these customers would have been drinking just a few years ago. If a complex or an area has grown, like Soi 7 as an example, from about 40 bars to more than 60 in the past three or so years, then it stands to reason the numbers of people required to maintain the status quo of three or so years ago must increase by around 50 percent. Anything less, and the good joints will endure and survive while the rip-off places and poor quality establishments will wither on the vine. Wasting Away Again In Margaritaville: A couple of issues ago I made mention of a prediction by one ogling den manager who suggested draught amber would no longer be available in the bars of Pattaya within six months. By way of introduction to the piece -as a comparison from the ridiculous to the sublime- I noted the introduction of frozen margarita machines, suggesting they were failing as an expensive libation for dancing damsels. I suggested the experiment had failed and many places had dispensed with the machines. As I wrote, ‘the drinks were pricey and there are a lot of ex-pats and regulars who refuse to part with what they consider silly sums for glasses full of coloured alcoholic liquid just to satisfy the whims of a few avaricious dancing damsels.' While this remains true, the reality is a little more involved and complicated than my few throwaways lines would suggest. Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, but I know it's my own damn fault, so let me correct my mistakes. The company involved in producing the margaritas uses only fresh juice. They install and maintain, for free, the expensive Italian-made machinery necessary to make the drinks. The only places they supply are those they believe are capable of doing a solid turnover per month. All they ask is the bar purchase the margarita mix direct from the company. According to the operators of the company, they wholesale a litre of the juice at just 300 baht, or around 24 baht a glass, and give each outlet a recommended price for each drink. It seems as though many bar owners decided if it looked like a cocktail, smelled like a cocktail, tasted like a cocktail, then they should charge like a wounded cocktail. So instead of a realistic and still profitable 90-100 baht for a margarita lady drink, some joints decided to really ramp up the impost. In other words, it is not the fault of the suppliers if the stocking boozer decides to snip an unwary walking wallet of a few extra satang. The company is currently operational in Pattaya and Bangkok and plans are under way to move into Phuket. Now that's off my chest, I'll have a frozen prune and chilli juice with two shots of vodka and rum…and where's my lost shaker of salt? Nothing to do With a Bratwurst: I have to admit to not being overly impressed with the Club Boesche go-go (Soi 16, off Walking Street) when I first wandered in not long after it opened. However, I recently went in for another look and the entire atmosphere of the chrome pole palace was sensational. It's very hard for any management to achieve a sense of that ethereal quality called ‘atmosphere', but this is certainly what I felt during the couple of hours I spent perving at some rather attractive examples of the art of chrome pole molestation. The den is not named after some kind of German sausage, the Club Boesche (pronounced Boo-shay) cognomen is a form of homage to an American radio announcer much admired by one of the partners in the den. The features of the place include the ground floor Jacuzzi -usually occupied by a pair of well-lathered damsels- and a second floor see-through dance stage where a bevy of good sorts tend to frolic about in their birthday suits. There's plenty of opportunity for the amateur gynaecologist to study the shaving habits of the Greater Issan Dancing Damsel. A New Way to Spell ‘Pussy': After a pretty ordinary night of wandering around some of the poorer quality ogling dens of Walking Street, I wanted to at least end the night in a place I've enjoyed previously, the Catz chrome pole palace in the Covent Garden complex (next door to Club Boesche ). I wasn't disappointed. It may be the smallest of the four dens in this complex, but it has a nice atmosphere with plenty of mostly friendly dancing maidens of sizes, shapes, and ages to suit, it would think, the most curmudgeonly of tastes. The music is good and the management don't gouge imbibers, with most libations a reasonable 95 baht. Another Year Older: Congratulations to Captain Picard -owner of the Living Dolls Showcase revolving show den (Walking Street)- who celebrated his half century plus half a decade birthday on 21 February. There were those who suggested the appearance of the much vaunted Angelwitch show palace (Soi 15) would impact adversely on Showcase, but empirical evidence suggests nothing of the sort. The resurgence of Walking Street as the premier centre for dens of the chrome pole commenced a few years ago with the opening of The Dollhouse, where Captain Picard performed the meeting and greeting duties. Since then, dens such as New Living Dolls 1, Living Dolls Showcase (on the site of the old Blackout ), Coyotee's (Soi Marina Plaza), and Heaven Above (Soi Diamond), to name just a few, have helped change the concept of the chrome pole palace. No longer can someone with a two-watt bulb for a brain and a couple of million spare baht simply open a den and watch as the punters roll in. The above examples are places where the owners/managers are consistently and constantly overseeing their ‘product' and thinking of ways to keep punters coming back for more. There are operators in Bangkok who still see Pattaya as a swampy backwater town with the go-gos run by inbred first cousins. This attitude may have been a fair comment five or six years ago; nowadays, many Fun Town owners could show the Bangkokians a thing or two about running a successful den. Was it all a Dream? I'm not sure how true it is, but according to one of my more sober sources, the Dream go go (Soi 8) lasted all of three days. Apparently, the owners spent a small fortune putting the place together but then didn't have enough of the folding stuff to pay the rent. Perhaps they failed Economics 101. Two More Bite the Dust: The shake-out of Walking Street ogling dens continues with the recent closures of Marilyn (actually Beach Road, a few metres before the Walking Street entrance) and Highway Star. Marilyn, if I'm not mistaken, has been the long-running Beach Road go go up for sale for much of the past year or so. Whether someone has now purchased the property or the lease has finally run out I don't know. In nearly 13 years of visiting and living in Pattaya I can say I spent a total of around two minutes in the place. Funnily enough, the night I wandered in, and left just as quickly, I was accompanied by a German friend whose been coming to Thailand far longer than me, and he too had never ventured into the place. I don't think he's been back there since either. There are many others who both live here or visit regularly who've never had a good word to say about the joint; my only surprise is that Marilyn's lasted as long as it did. Highway Star had its moments, but it fell into the trap of being just another tired and worn out joint with an ogling den shingle hanging out the front. As a Thai-operated den the music was dreadful most of the time and most of the dancers could be classified as being in the ‘veteran' class. So, as of mid-March, the score of open dens on Walking Street reads 39. Piece of Pith: Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

If you post pics in the Stunners 2006 thread here, they will automtically be copied to the stunners gallery. For the rest, you will have to wait till you have 50 posts and six months.

How to tell if your incoming plane carries bird flu

A Taste of Tex-Mex: One of Fun Town's true survivors, Big Al has a record of producing pretty fine Mexican nosh -all beans means farts Pancho- at reasonable prices. His small street stall on Second Road, opposite Big C and in front of the popular Atlantic beer boozer, does good business. He hasn't had much luck with a couple of other locations, for varying reasons, but is now ensconced in the kitchen of the Babewatch ogling den (Soi 16, Walking Street). Plans are under way to use the kitchen to also serve food in the other beer boozers and chrome pole palaces ( Catz, Club Boesche and X-Zone ) in the Covent Garden complex. There are more than 40 dancers hugging the chrome poles in the joint and lady drinks have been knocked down to a reasonable 90 baht. A Long Time Up and a Long Time Gone: After an almost-record 14 years at the one location and under the same ownership, the Tommy's beer boozer closed down on Third Road and the veteran Pattaya hand has moved to a location up the road and around the bend in Soi Bongkot. Down in Soi 8, the Vicky beer boozer and a couple of those around it have been turned into a mound of rubble to make way for, I presume, new-style establishments serving alcoholic refreshments to thirsty persons. The Vicky bar lasted 18 years, easily a record run in this neck of the boozing woods. Along Soi Chaiyapoom, the Texxan ( sic ) Inn, whose sign proudly boasted "the name too tough to die', has been gone a few months now and has been re-named Expresso Lounge. No Comment Needed: As most long-term readers of this column are probably well aware by now, I am not a great fan of the way business is conducted by most of the ogling dens on Pattayaland Soi 2. Some years ago this was a terrific and vibrant street boasting a load of places well worth spending some time in; now I generally use it as a short-cut to Beach Road. I know of many ex-pats and long-term visitors to Fun Town who feel precisely the same way. So, I wasn't really surprised when a reader (French, I gathered from his email address) sent me the following (excuse the grammar): "On visit in Pattayaland 2, I saw a brutal change in quality of the changing damsels at KITTEN CLUB. What used to be one of my favourite places is now just a mix of average looking girls and an even more dancing... KATOYS. What the hell the management is doing here. The mix of those two groups just doesn't work, and when I see the number of customers they had, they are just thinking the same way." It seems as if they've caught that strange marketing disease whereby you sting whatever custom you may have for as much as possible, rather than taking the more long-term view and trying to build up a loyal clientele by offering better service at reasonable prices. Cold Enough for Frostbite: Not being partial to a drop of amber fluid I have to rely on listening to those who know what's good and what's not for the best places to imbibe. Most Aussies and Kiwis love their beer ice cold and for those of a similar disposition there are three places I'm aware of that apparently serve the stuff as if it just emanated from an Antarctic iceberg: Best bar in Soi 8; Tim ogling den and beer boozer on Second Road, and Whisker's bar in Soi Chaiyapoom. I'd be happy to hear from readers who know of other places where an ice-cold glass or bottle of frothy amber is standard fare. A Closed Profit: According to the most recent email newsletter sent out by Deadly Derek of The Clinic sports emporium (Soi Yamato) the firmly closed Stringfellows ogling den is up for sale at 3.5 million baht. Allegedly the advertisement boasts exceptional profit figures'. As Derek penned, "Call us cynical if you will but we can't see how it can have 'exceptional profit figures' as it's never traded under the current owner who bought and promptly shut it down in 2005. Ah well, we suppose there's a mug on every Plane!' Child of the Father: The initial plans were to open a Sierra Tango style establishment, but with the closure of Club Electric Blue (Walking Street), Big Andy decided the Suckers concept could wait and he's opened Club Electric Blue Junior on the site in Soi Diamond. So, the number of ogling dens on Pattaya's premier nightlife street now number 41. Feel for a Pulse: Pattaya's last chrome pole palace before Bangkok is the 1969 den on Naklua Road. A nicely laid out place, it started life about a decade ago with the name Pussycat and for a long time it was one of the best places in Fun Town. It had a name change to Kittens a few years back was basically living on past dreams and glories. Then a few long-term Pattaya operators bought the place and re-named it 1969. Sadly, although the place is still ticking over, the heart rate monitor is pumping a tick above a flatline. I wandered in on a recent Saturday night and spent an hour or so watching a trickle of customers ogle a gaggle of a dozen or so bored-looking dancing maidens. Actually, the damsels weren't too bad as far as looks went, and the music was quite good, but the place has well and truly lost its rhythm and direction. Worth wandering in if you're up Naklua way with a 45-baht happy hour between 8:00 and 10:00PM on draught amber, house liver wasters, and Thai rotgut. Pixed Again: I confess to not being brilliant when it comes to the internet and websites and graphics and gifs and pixels and all the other bits and pieces associated with having material floating around in cyberspace. It's part of the reason I don't bother looking at chat rooms and forums and blogs and the like; most of what I have seen and read -as regards Pattaya and Thailand- is poorly written and edited, and much of the information appears more like backyard gossip and personal invective. The reason for this preamble is to make bar owners aware of a website offering what an internet-savvy informant has told me looks basically like a giant scam. I won't give the url of the website in question, suffice to say it is specific to bars in Thailand. The webmaster has the ironically appropriate surname of Robbery (actually, I've added an extra consonant) and the operation is run out of England. The idea seems reasonable enough: the website has divided itself into category pages and, I quote from the blurb sent to me, On each category page you will find a grid of 1,000,000 pixels split into 10,000 squares of 100 pixels (10x10). We then sell these squares or $100 (US) each. In these squares we will then place an image of your choice along with a link to your website' OK, so for around 4,000 baht a bar owner can have this pixel image of his establishment and if someone clicks on it, bingo, they are brought to the bar's website. According to my internet-savvy mate, what bar owners probably don't know is that a 10 pixel image is about half the size of the letter ?P' at the start of the this piece. In other words, you'd have to be possessed of the eyesight of Superman to even see your advertisement on a page. How to Make a Monkey Jealous: There's an old joke about how it is possible to tell a nun from a hooker by the way they both eat a banana. If anyone would like a visual demonstration in the art of consuming a banana, demimondaine style, then I can recommend the show performed in the Coyotee's ogling den (Soi Marina Plaza, off Walking Street). Get a Tiger in Your Tankard: The Club Boesche chrome pole extravaganza palace (Soi 16, Walking Street) is, according to informed sources, building a new area alongside the bar to fit in an entirely new concept, along the lines of a Las Vegas-cum-Broadway-cum-Siegfried and Roy-cum-David Copperfield-cum too much series of shows. Apparently there will be a magician (Hey Rocky, watch me pull a g-string out of my ass..er, hat) as well as two, I presume performing, tigers. There's no truth in the rumour the tigers are to double as bouncers, consuming complaining customers. If it all sounds a bit over-the-top for Fun Town at least the management of this den are trying out new ideas. I'm waiting for the night when a chrome pole palace opens with topless skydivers parachuting in formation onto a revolving stage in the centre of which is a concrete pit filled with hungry crocodiles; the night could end with a gladiatorial contest ( ala Colosseum, Christians v Lions) between those dancing damsels who failed to be bar-fined and desperate punters looking for a bed partner. Now, if we could just work a couple of Muslim suicide bombers, an aging lawyer and an American Vice-President armed with a shotgun, the whole concept could probably be syndicated via web-cam to an audience of zillions. Better stop there, it's time for my medicine. Try this Quick Quiz: What is artificial insemination? A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow. Piece of Pith:If we had no faults of our own, we should not take so much pleasure in noticing those in others.' (La Rochefoucald)

Amazingly, there is an official Philips shaver repair centre in Pattaya. It's in Naklua on the main road, right hand side as you approach from Pattaya. It's a small shop and has a Philips Authorised sign outside. It's a little hard to see, so if you miss it go to the Sony shop by the traffic lights and walk back towards Pattaya about 100 meters and you should see it. It's run by a nice guy and his wife who have been very helpful to me in the past.

As with any field of endeavor, a unique vocabulary arises among those who often discuss a particular subject. Here's an explanation of some common terms applied to LOS and mongering. Baa = Thai word for crazy. short for Ba ba bar boe (see also Ting Tong) Baht = Unit of Thai currency (about 33 to the US$) Bar Fine = Also known as Off by the girls. A fee paid to a bar to allow an employee of the bar to leave in your company. This is not a fee for sexual services. BG = Bar girl BJ = Blow job. BBBJ = Bare back blow job (no condom) Boardies = Members of this forum Boom Boom = Sexual intercourse Boomsing = German derivative of boom boom BTW = By the Way Butterfly = Bar girl speak for a man who changes sexual partners often. The girls are not butterflies as they are just working CIM = Come in mouth Cheap Charlie = Bar girl speak for a man who tries to pay under the going rate or fails to buy lady drinks. Chugwow - Thai for masturbate. Also refers to a hand job. Darkside = The area east of Sukhumvit Rd. Mainly expat bars and well away from the tourist area. DATY = Dining at the Y (Performing oral sex on a woman) Farang - Thai word for foreigners FLB = FLB Bar. The sponsor of this forum. GFE = Girl Friend Experience Hoy = Thai word for shell fish. Often used to refer to female genitalia. IMHO = In my humble opinion Isan = North east Thailand. Most BGs come from here and speak their own dialect which is known as Laos. Ka-toy - The third gender. Refers to men who dress as women. Sometimes they have been surgically altered and sometimes not. Kee-nee-ow = Thai word for Cheap Charlie Lady Boy = see Ka-toy LBFM = Little brown fucking machine Lady Drink - A type of drink purchased for a bar girl for which she receives a commission. Can be any type of drink the bar allows. LT = Long time. Taking a girl out of the bar for an overnight experience. LOL = Laughing out loud LOS = Land of Smiles (Thailand) Mama San = Female manager in a bar. Usually she has a special interest in facilitating your liasons with a BG. Monger = Whore monger. That would be you. Nom = Thai word for breast (it also means milk in Thai). Sometimes spelt num. OTOH = On the other hand P4P = Pay for play Poo Ying = Thai word for girl PI = Philippines Sabai = Thai word for feeling good, having a good time Sanuk = Thai word for fun. Soapy = An erotic Thai massage that involves lots of soap and bodies sliding against bodies on an air matress. Smoke = Bar girl euphemism for blow job Sponsor = Man who sends money to a BG from his home country. Often so she can stop working in the bar. Ting Tong = Thai word for crazy (see also Baa) Teruk or teluk = Literally Thai for darling, often used by the girls as term of endearment and vice versa. TG = Originally it stood for tour guide which was a euphemism for a bar girl. Now a days often just used as Thai Girl. Troll = A person who posts remarks on a forum, to upset other members or to start a flaming war. Trolls hate to be ignored (so please ignore them). ROTFLMAO = Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off. Punter = Bar girl's customer ST = Short time. Taking a girl out of the bar or to a room provided in the bar for a short (1 to 2 hour) sexual experience. Soi = Thai word for a small street or lane Ying = abbreviation of Pooying, the Thai word for girl YMMV = Your Mileage May Vary (you could get different results)

Still Time to Donate: Down in the wilds of Soi Yamato (Soi 13/1 for the uninitiated) Deadly Derek of The Clinic sports emporium kicked off his joint’s Charity Book Sale on 14 February. Last year the money raised helped pay for cataract removal operations that restored sight to three people. This year he has included CD’s and DVD’s. The deal is simple: purchase paperback books at 100 baht each or six for 500 baht; hardback and large print books are 200 baht each or six for 1,000 baht. CD’s and DVD’s are 100 baht a pop. The Clinic will double any money raised and pass it on (in full) to a local charity. Customers who may want to donate books, CD’s or DVD’s (in saleable condition of course) can do so at the bar at any time. What and Where Are the Happy Hours and Cheap Booze? Judging by conversations I’ve had with many Fun Town regulars, as well as a few first-time visitors, it seems as if the price they pay for libations runs a very poor second on the list of priorities in relation to their ogling den/beer boozer experience. No prizes for guessing the number one priority is quality of the damsels. Of course, numbers of damsels is also an important factor; after all, very few people want to park their butt on a vinyl seat in a den to look at a half dozen exponents of the chrome pole. As regular readers will be well aware, it’s rare for me to write about a boozer without giving some indication of the prices the place charges for a variety of thirstquenchers. I know for a fact this has caused a few people to try dens they might not otherwise have been bothered to visit. There are many ex-pats living in Fun Town on a restricted budget, but who nevertheless enjoy spending a few hours inspecting the talent on display in a variety of places; purely as a social and cultural exercise of course. To them, the difference of 10 baht per libation can mean spending three hours indulging in eye candy or four hours. It can make the difference between three nights out a week or four. For others, mainly people on holidays for a few weeks or who happen to be overloaded with wedge, the price of a drink from one place to another hardly bothers them, as long as the damsels are delectable. Then again, even among this group I’ve heard people say, “I don’t like being gouged.” If they think a place is value for money it gets their business; if they think it’s a rip-off then they drink elsewhere. Then there are the ‘two-week millionaires’ who love to be seen splashing the folding stuff about. Of course they attract the best-looking damsels…but only for as long as the big wedge lasts. By the time they’ve checked out of their hotel and are on the road back to the airport for the trip home the damsels are back at their computer screens sending emails to other walking wallets bemoaning their serious lack of food, rent, and mamma money. So, in the interests of helping those on restricted budgets to get an idea of where they might like to spend their funds, the following is a randomly incomplete guide to current -as of the beginning of February anyway- value-for-money houses of the chrome pole. Of course, the vast majority of joints only flog draught amber at reduced prices. Beach Club (Soi 15), Happy and Peppermint (Walking Street) are all owned and run by virtually the same people and are among the most successful in Fun Town, primarily because they always have a plethora of dancing damsels crowding the stages and generally exposing their most valuable assets. Draught runs to 50 baht all night with happy hour prices at 45 baht. Carousel (Soi Diamond) has draught at 55 baht all night with most thirst-quenchers at 65 baht between 8:00 and 10:00PM and a great line-up of chrome pole talent. Coyotee’s (Soi Marina Plaza, off Walking Street) has the amber nectar at 35 baht for the first couple of hours, although most other drinks are reasonable in the early part of the evening. The problem with Coyotee’s is the showgirls don’t make it into the den until around 10:00PM, when prices are at their peak. That said, it’s well worth a visit at around that time. The Dollhouse (Walking Street) has draught at 45 baht all night and its happy hour, 7:30 until 9:00PM, has liver wasters and ly water at the same impost. Heaven Above (Soi Diamond) has a happy hour between 7:30 and 9:30PM with draught and house liver wasters at 45 baht. This is a place that seems to fluctuate wildly as far as experiences are concerned. What I mean is that some nights the den is a hive of activity and packed to the rafters with superb examples of the art of the chrome pole; ther times, because expectations are so high, it disappoints. Definitely worth visiting at least twice, especially if your first experience is only mildly enjoyable. Living Dolls Showcase (Walking Street) has a 45 baht happy hour on draught, liver wasters, and Thai rotgut from 7:30-9:00PM, although it’s better to go for the shows later on. Super Models (Soi Diamond) has a happy hour which extends from 8:00 until 10:00PM with most libations just 50 baht, Windmill (Soi Diamond) offers a happy hour of draught at 35 baht between 7:00 and 9:00PM while places with all-night draught beer at reduced prices include New Star (Soi Diamond; 45 baht), Champion (Walking Street; 50 baht) and The Sea (Soi Diamond; 55 baht). The above list, which clearly is aimed at encouraging early bird drinkers to emerge from their darkened rooms soon after sunset, should be enough to keep all but the most gargantuan of liver destroying appetites well and truly sated for a few hours. From a Pig’s Ear to a Silk Purse: I’ve been hearing good reports about the Champagne chrome pole palace (Soi LK Metro, off Soi Diana) in recent weeks. When it first opened, the reports coming from various quarters were decidedly uncomplimentary but management seems to have found their feet. My informants told me they are impressed by the good music, the 45-baht draught amber fluid (all day, all night) and very clearly marked bills, at least for the draught and lady drinks (which are industry standard at 90 baht). The dancing damsels may not be up to Walking Street class, but there are plenty of them and most are friendly enough. The place boasts a free pool table and has a happy hour between 6:00 and 8:00PM with bottled amber, house liver wasters and Thai rotgut at just 65 baht. There are a few table dancers, of some quality I might add, so for students of gynaecology make a hard right-hand turn as you come through the door. On Sunday’s the joint offers a free BBQ starting around 4:00PM. Where’s the Hoff? After being unceremoniously pushed out of his position at the Diamond ogling den, Rambling Ricky has moved to the other end of Walking Street and taken up the meeting and greeting duties in the struggling Babewatch chrome pole palace (Covent Garden complex, Soi 16). A person of Ricky’s personality and character was never going to be left ‘out of action’ for too long and he moved into position in Babewatch towards the end of January. This was another place receiving more brickbats than bouquets but on a recent visit I feel the place is well worth trying. There were over 30 chrome pole huggers, so at least there’s something to ogle, and a couple of the showgirls are stand-outs, especially the pair whose favourite number must be 69. The place is clean and fresh, nicely laid out (although the main stage is a little too high), there’s a happy hour from 8:00-9:30PM with draught amber and house liver wasters at 50 baht. The music was absolute garbage, but Ricky assures me the DJ is going to be sent to a re-education camp and have his techno testicles lethally injected. Closed Until Further Notice: The Circus ogling den (Walking Street), acknowledged as probably the worst on the strip, finally closed its blighted doors in early February and the exhibits, including the fat lady, the bearded lady, and a troupe of clowns, have re-located to dens too desperate for staff to reject them. By the time you read this Club Electric Blue (Walking Street) will also be closed, to be renovated (yet again) and reopened in three to five months time after being turned into some form of magic pudding. Elsewhere, the Zoo den-cum-boogie barn in Soi 8 has bitten the dust; one informant claimed they advertised 49 baht libations, but then charged punters 99 baht. Open Until Further Notice: Three dens may have bitten the dust, but, like the phoenix, something will always arise from the ashes. Three dens may have closed, but three more have opened in their stead. The first is also in Soi 8, called Dream and located in the Prince Hotel. The second is Tigers, upstairs in Soi Diamond and on the site of the short-lived New Player. The den is part of the burgeoning French-owned and run Shark ogling den and Shark Club table scuffing palace. Finally, on 7 February the Center Condo ogling den (inside Center Condo, South Pattaya Road) opened for business. Piece of Pith: ‘Talking with friends by email is like screwing with a condom’ (Taki)

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The End of the Draught: Not too long ago , quite a few gogos installed frozen Margarita machines with the idea of promoting the libation as an expensive form of lady drink. The experiment seems to have failed and many places have dispensed with the machines. Part of the reason, of course, is that the drinks were pricey and there are a lot of ex-pats and regulars who refuse to part with what they consider silly sums for glasses full of coloured alcoholic liquid, just to satisfy the whims of a few avaricious dancing damsels. Now, at the other end of the financial scale, comes a prediction from one of Fun Town's prominent den manager's claiming that by the middle of this year, draught amber fluid will no longer be stocked by the better bars. It's a bold prognostication considering the amounts of this liquid being sold each evening in all over Pattaya. The cost of a glass runs between 14 and 25 baht depending on the poison concerned, so even at 45 baht all night there is a profit to be had. My own feeling is dens should club together and agree on a minimum price for libations: say 50 or 55 baht. At the top end of the scale (that is: cost 25 baht; return 55 baht), the gross profit per glass runs to 120 percent. At the lower end (i.e.: cost 14 baht; return 55 baht), the gross profit rises to 292 percent. Of course, it's only a decade or so ago that draught beer first made its appearance in Thailand, and its demise would allow bar owners to raise their minimum price for amber fluid to around Bangkok levels. This would probably not have much impact on takings in the high part of the season, but one wonders about the depths of low season and the wallets of the many retirees and those on fixed or low incomes currently residing in Pattaya. Lady, Give Me Pain: In my last missive I mentioned a punter in an ordinary beer boozer in Soi 7 being stung for 160 baht for a lady drink and I asked readers if they knew of prices larger than this. According to one of my correspondents the new record high for lady drinks is 250 baht. The place ? and I guess this shouldn't really come as a surprise - is the beat-me-with-a-ripe-cucumber fetish boozer on Third Road, known as The Castle. It's my understanding the joint still requires interested punters to part with 900 baht to get through the front door (although their first drink is free) and there's no having it away with the working damsels with your favourite rubber utensil, electrical appliance, or in-season fruit on the premises. Each to their own as the saying goes. Two Down; Forty to Go: The tide may have finally turned in the seemingly never-ending exponential growth of go-go bars on Walking Street with the closure of New Player (Soi Diamond) and Teasers, one of the more recent additions. One bar owner who was planning to open another palace of the chrome pole - in Soi Diamond - has had a change of heart and is set to open his doors as a den of oral stimulation instead, to be called, appropriately, Suckers. The sign out front should probably read: "Suckers, a rejuvenating experience". It will, as the new regime has pointed out, be the only den devoted to phallic nibbling in the Walking Street area. Away from the fleshpots of Walking Street, there are rumours of a planned ogling den to open in Center Condo (South Pattaya Road). A pool hall, called simply Shoot Pool, opened late last year, charging 120 baht an hour for games, and seems to be doing reasonably well. And the well-named Look Out Inn is also popular with residents and visitors alike. Countdown to Zero: The Regent Marina Hotel on Soi Zero in north Pattaya is currently a shell, having been torn down to be turned into some kind of mega resort. This has impacted on most of the businesses located along the street, from restaurants, boozers (including the X-Ray go-go bar) and other operators, with the majority of the buildings scheduled to be turned into mounds of rubble. Apparently some owners with time left on their leases are fighting the developers; others have accepted the inevitable and re-located, including Tropical Bert's, one of the better places that used to operate on the soi. Around and About: The fairly new set of four beer boozers on Second Road, opposite Mike's Shopping Mall and just before Kiss Food are doing quite well judging by the number of times I've wandered past and counted the imbibers propped up on bar stools. Further down Second Road, work continues apace on rebuilding a clutch of new beer boozers on the corner of Soi 1. The never-opened Tokyo go-go bar has been demolished on the site. It must surely be the only palace of the chrome pole never to open its doors in the history of Fun Town boozing. Interesting sign: At the entrance to the very popular Beach Club table dancing den (Soi 15) there is a notice that reads 'No Backpackers'. Thankfully, Fun Town rarely sees too many of this type of tourist ('Hey man, we're not tourists, we're travellers.' Yeah, right!) and of course, since most of them are politically correct, they wouldn't be seen unwashed in a place of exploitation such as Beach Club. Night of the Long Knives: Just over a year ago the original owners of the Diamond go-go bar (Soi Diamond) decided to cash in on the popularity of the chrome pole palace and flogged off 80 percent to four interested persons, each of whom purchased 20 percent. Rambling Ricky, one of the better Bangkok bar managers, organised the deal, picked up a shareholding and took on the duties of meeting and greeting. All went swimmingly for a few months but then cracks began appearing in the façade. As the cracks became chasms due, in part it seems, to circumstances beyond Ricky's control, the murmurs of dissent from the various partners started gathering strength. Then, in the best traditions of corporate commerce, as profits began to falter (although, I'm told, the den was a long way from using red pencils to mark down the financial position) the four other partners allegedly decided the cause of the downswing on their monetary graphs was Ricky and voted to pay him out of the bar. Of course a person of Ricky's personality and character is not going to be left 'out of action' for too long and, as of Saturday night 28 January, he is now ensconced in the Babewatch go-go bar (Soi 16). This den has proven to be the least successful of the clutch in the Covent Garden complex, although Ricky tells me they now have over 30 chrome pole huggers, so at least there's something to ogle. Ring My Bell: The Dennis the Menace beer boozer (Soi 7) is located pretty much opposite the Flipper House sleeping palace. The difficulty with writing about beer boozers is that so many of them tend to be good, bad or indifferent based on personal taste. If a place has a clutch of good sorts they tend to be bought out by goggled-eyed punters and kept for a few days, weeks or even a lifetime. So, if I write the place has a ton of beauties, by the time it gets into print they've invariably been snapped up and replaced by their ugly sisters. Usually, the best beer boozers are run by hands-on owners/managers who have a personable demeanour that turns first-time visitors into regulars. Anyway, the Dennis The Menace beer boozer is certainly cleaner and fresher than most of its rivals in Fun Town and offers a good happy hour. Their advertising says 'Campanologists welcome'. Yes, I had to look up the word as well: it means bell ringers. High season usually has plenty of two-week millionaires prepared to turn campanologist with very little urging, so Dennis and his damsels should be doing OK. Tales from the Crib: Considering all the available written material 'both in print and via the Internet- as well as the number of veteran ex-pats able to offer sage advice, you would think most walking wallets coming into Fun Town would be wary of parting with large chunks of the folding stuff when it comes to working lasses. The reality, if pure empiric evidence is anything to go by, is far different. There seem to be more and more really stupid people coming here who fall in love with virtually the first beaver-flasher they meet and, as if afflicted by a voodoo curse, begin shelling out incredible chunks of their hard-earned on them. Take one recent example. A quite nice Englishman came to Thailand for the first time around 18 months ago and fell in love with the nightlife and the ladies of Fun Town. About a year or so ago he met a woman working in a beer boozer on Walking Street and became besotted by her. So besotted in fact that when he returned to the Land of Tony Bland he began sending her an average of 35,000 baht a week. According to someone who should know, this was the amount she claimed she needed to live on. She has two children already, as well as an Australian boyfriend who sends her money on a regular basis. The most amazing part is the besotted Pom readily admits he has never consummated their relationship. He also admits they regularly argue and fight. He is a classic example of the truth of the saying, 'a fool and his money are soon parted'. Piece of Pith: A country without bordellos is like a house without bathrooms (Marlene Dietrich)