PattayaPete

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Not guest friendly, not customer friendly, full of unfriendly Koreans, horrible food, tired rooms and about the worst possible place in Pattaya that you could stay.

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You Show Me Yours and I'll Show You Mine: The Angelwitch shows-r-us den finally opened its doors to the paying public on Thursday night January 5 in the dog-leg Soi 15, off Walking Street. The opening should bring back a lot more trade into Soi 15 and should augur well for two other dens situated next door to Angelwitch - the Fantasia Showcase shows-r-us palace, and the What's Up gogo. Fantasia Showcase runs a series of 20 shows on a rotation basis, each series lasting just over an hour. The core group involved are a collection of lady-boys dressed in the kinds of garish costumes you tend to associate with gender-bending show bars. There are a few dancing damsels who are able to open bottles, smoke cigarettes, blow whistles, and write letters all without the use of their hands. There's also a standard lick-me-where-the-sun-don't-shine show, although the real highlight is probably the fire show - talk about burning the tonsils! Next door, in What's Up, there are no shows, just damsels caressing the chrome poles. Drinks are 89 baht for pretty much everything all night, not unreasonable, and the dancers are a generally friendly bunch who make eye contact, and if you show any interest will wander over for a chat. What's the Question? The Wednesday Quiz League - originally set up as a fun alternative to the Sunday version - now has a new question-master for the 2006 series. This followed a number of acrimonious exchanges over a long period of time between the previous question-master and the two people in charge of answering appeals for the Sunday and Wednesday quizzes. The Wednesday quiz had degenerated to such an extent that in the last round for 2005, a different set of questions were deliberately issued to one team. The really stupid thing about all this is that victory in either the Sunday or Wednesday leagues carries with it no financial prize or any other tangible kudos (for example, a perpetual trophy). Shock and Whore: Lady-drinks and the price thereof have been the subject of a few emails sent to me in recent times, with one correspondent asking if anybody could top what has been his worst experience in this area in all the trips he's made to Fun Town. He writes of being in a beer boozer on Soi 7 (no name given) and sipping away contentedly on a bottle of Chang amber at 'a reasonable 65 baht' when he decided to buy the damsel chatting with him a lady drink. She scampered off and came back with one of those bottles of Breezer thingys and a bill for 160 baht. As he wrote: 'I can buy it for less than that in Newcastle' (the English version, not the Aussie one, although I suspect it's just as cheap Down Under as in the Pommy joint). When he asked the management about the high price they simply answered 'New Price'. Guess which bar just lost a customer? I don't know which bars in Pattaya could lay claim to the most expensive lady drink but I'd love to hear from readers on this issue. To the best of my knowledge, the priciest place is: Kitten Club (Pattayaland Soi 2), where a friend told me he coughed up around 155 baht for a lady drink. He couldn't be sure of the exact amount because he was with another mate and between them they ordered four or five drinks. The drinks were duly registered on a bill but no prices were appended. It was only when they asked for the bill that they were given a total amount, but with no itemized prices. There are places who claim their lady-drinks are a standard price, but if the damsel orders a special libation then the impost jumps significantly. My own empirical research has resulted in many damsels and serving wenches quoting the higher amount for lady drinks, rather than the standard. Let me put this into perspective. Most of the chrome pole palaces on Walking Street - where rents are usually quite steep and wages for dancing maidens equally Everest-like - tend to price their lady drinks between 85 and 100 baht a pop and still most bar owners keep having back problems from sitting on their bulging wallets. Where Are the Punters? If visual evidence from wandering past at various times in recent weeks is anything to go by, I fear many of the Covent Garden beer boozers (Soi 16, off Walking Street) are not doing very well?and this, being high season, is the best it's going to get. The go-go's there now number four with the opening of X-Zone. This is upstairs from Club Boesche and Catz. The latter pair are doing quite well. Club Boesche seems to have found its feet (most of them very wet judging by the indoor Jacuzzi) with a recruitment of classy showgirls, while Catz has also managed to increase the numbers of its damsels stroking chrome poles. They come in all shapes, sizes and skin tones - in other words, you should find something to your taste. Libations, after happy hour, are a reasonable 95 baht and management stages a few shows at regular intervals. X-Zone is a large barn which means it is a difficult place to make look busy or attractive. There's no draught amber (so there goes the early drinkers and many long term ex-pats) and the bottled gear runs between 90 and 100 baht with liver wasters 120 baht. I confess to only having had a quick reconnoitre late one evening, and didn't see anything special to recommend the place. There again, most new places do take time to find their place in the chrome pole pecking order. The Lunatics Are In Charge Of The Asylum: Some time ago one of Walking Street's more prominent go-go bar owners (contact: pattayaleisure@yahoo.com ) approached other chrome pole palace operators by way of a collective letter and suggested a meeting be convened to discuss issues of mutual concern. Primary among them was the escalation in the salaries for dancing maidens, and, specifically, show girls. A secondary issue involved the price of libations. His missive was met with a collective blank. Since then, more than a dozen new palaces of the chrome pole have opened their portals on Walking Street, yet the yearly influx of farmers' daughters swapping a straw hat and the back of a buffalo for a g-string and thigh-high boots has apparently been reduced to a trickle. One of the newest and largest dens in the Walking Street area is offering almost unheard-of salaries for dancers, showgirls, and serving wenches, and this is causing a few rivals to become concerned, not only in relation to the salary level but the very real possibility the damsels will start asking for the kind of outrageous amounts their counterparts are mouthing in Bangkok for a tumble in the mattress. As most operators know, Friday and Saturday night's in Fun Town sees an influx of walking wallets from Bangkok. One of the reasons for this expat exodus from the Big Chilli is that it is still possible to offer the girls hugging the chrome poles in Fun Town a grey and purple note for an evening of organ recitals or mattress dancing. This is still around double what it was before salaries started heading north, but better than the usual three or four grey notes asked by some puss-in-boots princesses of the trade in Bangkok. One bar owner recently suggested to me: 'the show girls should all be issued with diamond tiaras - they think they're superstars.' The overall attitude of a large swathe of showgirls and dancers is such that they apparently believe their defecations are aromatic! They are making so much money from tips and drinks - as well as their salaries that they can't be bothered trying to chat up customers. This in turn leads to an element of disaffection among customers and one can only guess at the long-term effects. It is my firm belief it is in the interests of every go-go bar operator on Walking Street to come to some kind of sensible and workable agreement on salaries for their dancers, thereby reducing the overall overhead for bar owners. Unfortunately, this can only be achieved by an agreement between all operators, not just a few. It is also in their interests in terms of customer satisfaction. Those operators interested in trying to put the lid on salaries should contact Andy at the above-mentioned email address. Apologies to Graham Greene: Every now and again I use this column for a shameless plug, and in this little item I'm going to do it again. About a month or so ago, I released yet another book on the unsuspecting public, entitled Our Man in Pattaya. It's a collection of most of the columns published under that name in the Pattaya Trader magazine over the last three years or so (and in the Phuket Gazette newspaper, where it is known as the 'Streets of Pattaya', and the book is available at Bookazine Royal Garden, DK Bookshop Soi Post Office, DK Bookshop on Central Pattaya Road (near Beach Road) and a whole lot of other outlets, or via the internet at www.pattaya-books.com and all for the sensationally, unbelievably fantastic, great value price of 395 baht. End of shameless plug. Piece of Pith: You shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

Although I am sure it happens, it is a really stupid thing for a bar owner to do. Consider an average bottle of spirits in Thailand at around 600 baht. If you get 28 shots from the bottle and you sell each shot for 100 baht your profit on each shot will be 79 baht. Now if you replace a quarter of the bottle with water the cost of the bottle goes down to 450 baht and the profit margin at 100 baht per shot goes to 84 baht. That's an increase of 5 baht. On the whole bottle that would be an increased profit of 140 baht. Total profit on the un-watered bottle is 2,212 baht and on the watered bottle 2,352 baht. In other words an insignificant profit increase at the cost of pissing off 28 customers. Why would anyone do that. The other thing that bar owners know is that the drunker a customer gets the more free spending he becomes. So watering the drinks while a good thing for the customers health is probably also having a negative effect on the bottom line. Selling short measures or watered drinks is a good sign that the owner has no understanding of what really makes a bar tick.

The last photo I ever took.

Opened and Closed in 2005: The 12-months from January to December last year must rank as the most frenetic in terms of bars opening and closing, with the result being a net increase in the number of places offering booze and women for sale, despite the overt desire of the governing bodies here to chart a course towards making Pattaya a so-called ‘family’ destination. Walking Street, not surprisingly, retains its mantle as the premier nightclub area in town. At the beginning of 2001, just five years ago, there were 43 chrome pole palaces spread the length of Pattaya-Jomtien. Of these, 19 were in Walking Street. Now the number has ballooned to 66 with a whopping 42 on and around Walking Street. In 2005 alone the numbers of dens in the premier night area increased by 11 with Babewatch, Beavers, Catz, Circus, Club Boesche, Coyotee’s, Shark Club, Super Model, Teasers, Windmill, and X-Zone kicking off brand new while Club Electric Blue was revamped, Amazon was sold and became VIP Club, and the Roof re-named New Player. Bentley’s and Champagne were the only two new dens to take a chance in the tough market away from Walking Street, the former opening on Second Road, not far from Soi 9, and the latter opening in the dog-leg soi off Soi Diana. The closures included Folies Pigalle (Walking Street) and the original Nui’s (Soi 15), the former because it was rubbish and the latter because the building it occupied is up for sale. 2XS and Dynamite self-destructed in gender-confused Pattayaland Soi 1. Wild West Girls became Wild West Boys in Pattayaland Soi 2 and Hot & Cold II and Stringfellows (both in Soi Yamato) shut up shop. In much-troubled Soi Zero, X-Ray faded away. In Naklua, the Kitten’s ogling den was sold and re-named 1969. The BEST of the Year that Was: With 42 ogling dens on and around Walking Street -I don’t include the two employing eastern European dancers- the task of deciding which one deserves to be rated as the very best is nigh on impossible. With salaries for dancers and show girls in an upward spiral, many of the virtually self employed ‘star’ turns move about between dens on a regular basis. Some places manage to hang on to four or five of their best girls for months at a time; others seem to be on a roller-coaster with a great collection one month and an almost empty bar the next. Consistency is the name of the game and the chrome pole palaces that seem able to achieve this are places such as Beach Club, Carousel, Club Electric Blue, Coyotee’s, Diamond, Happy, Heaven Above, Living Dolls, Living Dolls Showcase, Peppermint, Super Baby, Super Girl, and What’s Up. It’s notable that all of the above, with the exception of Super Baby and Super Girl, have some kind of happy hour or discount on selected libations while at the same time virtually cornering the market when it comes to the best available talent in town. Lick Till it Hurts: The management of the Coyotee’s chrome pole palace (Soi Marina Plaza) have come up with a novel and definitely very successful new show item. Once a week (OK, I’ll tell you: it’s on a Thursday night starting around 11:00PM), a dozen young ladies compete in what I can only describe as the let's-be-friends lick-off. Employing the use of their tongues for their second-favourite exercise after eating, all 12 of the tunnel rats take to the stage and begin their show. As one song ends a pair of damsels come off stage until, after a half hour or so, there’s just one couple left writhing in sweat and saliva as the ultimate victors. There is prize money involved and this increases with each succeeding team, so there is a real incentive to perform. Down from On High: One of the biggest dens in terms of overall size on Walking Street is Club Electric Blue and in past times management have had dancing maidens scattered between two main stages and a couple of tables downstairs to a stage upstairs and parts in between. A recent change has seen all the dancers being concentrated downstairs which gives the place a more vibrant feel and this seems to be satisfying to most customers. Next door, the Hooty’s flashing palace is still infamous for its risqué shows involving damsels of very little modesty. As with most places, the den runs a happy hour between 7:30 and 9:00PM with house liver wasters at just 45 baht. Very Idiotic Prices: The former Amazon ogling den (Walking Street) was sold a few months back and in its place is the Thai-run VIP Club. According to one of my more reliable spies the place doesn’t have draught amber fluid (no crime in that of course) but the bottled version of the same runs to 130 baht. The dancing maidens are in bra tops and shorts, so nothing there to entice the standard Pattaya pervert through the portals. With better places offering better deals and more flashing flesh it’s hard to see any reason to be bothered with the joint. Will it Work? The ownership of the FLB lounge lizard libation room (Walking Street) have instituted a ‘don’t ask for lady drinks’ policy with their staff. Of course, the hope is that regular customers and new faces will purchase a drink for a lady if she has spent a little time chatting away and making the right kind of comments (“oh, you so handsome”; “I love you long time”; “I’ll bet you’re hung like a nuclear fallout victim”) and if they are pleased with her company. Since FLB tends to be an ex-pat boozer and most ex-pats are immune to the “buy me dlink” importuning, this is probably a sensible move. After all, most ex-pats will purchase a drink for a damsel if they fancy her or if she has been patient enough (yes, I know, hardly a Thai trait) to wait and be asked. It’s all part of the Great Game (21st century version; although the British, Russians and some Indians are still involved) as we know it’s not the drink it’s the remuneration involved that is the motivating factor. Let’s hope the new approach works well for all concerned. Attitude is Everything: Chatting to a number of old Pattaya hands as well as some newer faces there seems to be increasing disappointment from all sides regarding the overall quality and, more importantly, attitude of the damsels plying the world’s so-called oldest profession on the uneven streets of Fun Town. One young guy told me he first visited two or three years ago and even in such a short time has noticed a hardening in the attitude and approach of many of the girls, especially those working in the better quality ogling dens. I’m told many damsels are now refusing to don their street apparel to accompany beaver-struck punters back to their abode for less than 2,000 baht; some go as high as 3,000 baht and further. One person I know can’t believe the change in attitude. He’s been coming here for half a dozen or so years, after previously spending much time in Cuba. There he said it was the Italians who spoiled it for the rest: paying more and more money as the damsels offered less and less. What’s significant about his statement is that he is a multi-millionaire (and not just in baht), so 2-3,000 baht is really a drop in the financial ocean as far as he’s concerned. Yet, like others I know who are not short of a baht, they refuse to be gouged by avaricious damsels or bar owners. It’s probably one reason why they do have so much moolah. A combination of familiarity (on the part of the foreigner) and large sums of easy money (on the part of the better-looking working girls) has led to a stand-off in some cases, and I’ve noticed how many guys are now starting to refuse to pay the silly sums being asked by former rice growers and buffalo herders. Mind you, in my opinion the town has never seen so many good-looking damsels hugging chrome poles, serving amber fluid and wandering the streets with no obvious means of gainful employment. Already, the average chrome pole molester (and many beer boozer damsels as well) is over-priced as far as their horizontal folk dancing services are concerned. In Australia, for example, an hour of mattress dancing with a lady of dubious repute in a house designed for these services costs, so I’m told, around AUD$200 (6,000 baht). A plate of a standard Thai dish in a Thai restaurant in Sydney runs, at best, to AUD$10 (600 baht; though most places charge more than this). That means each hide-the-salami activity is the equivalent of 20 dishes. Yet, here in Pattaya, a damsel may ask as much as 2,000 baht (generally it seems to be 1,500 baht) for a short time of physical embracing. The average Thai dish in town runs between 20 and 30 baht. So, taking the more expensive food option (30 baht) and the least pricey for a bonk (1,500 baht) we come up with the equivalent of 50 dishes. Still think it’s a good deal?? Piece of Pith: ‘If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.’ Dorothy Parker

Actually, everyone is a newbie at least once and these sorts of questions are relevant to newbies. We can laugh and make fun of them but this forum will always welcome newbies and answer their questions. It's no bother to me and I enjoy initiating yet another new soul into the mysterys of Pattaya. It is possible to do a search and all these questions are covered but newbies always fear that everything has changed in the last two days so want to be reassured that things are still as they have read. On my first trip to Thailand I was severely ripped off in one of the infamous upstairs bars at Patpong. If a board such has this had existed in those days I would have been much wiser and saved myself a lot of grief. So go ahead newbies and ask your questions. Some members here are happy to give you a helpful pointer to what is likely to become a lifelong addiction.

Where do we go from here?

Coyotee's get less ugly Regular readers will no doubt have noticed a few names of bars cropping up more often than others in this column over the years. The chief reason for this is quite simple. These places are run by managements who understand the value of publicity and make a point of imparting information -as far in advance as possible- about future events and activities such as anniversaries, birthdays, and dance contests. This column has always had an e-mail address appended to it and anyone who wants to publicise relevant information regarding their boozer can let me know and I will write it up. No one is barred. I have absolutely no financial interest in any joint here in Pattaya, or anywhere else for that matter. With more than 60 gogos and about 800 other varieties of night entertainment places spread the length and breadth of Pattaya and just 14 days between issues of this ezine I would have to go to four or five different palaces of the chrome pole each and every night just to keep a check on all that's happening. That might sound like fun to some people, but I actually have a life outside of wandering around boozers. So, to those who think this column is designed for a privileged few, get your fingers tapping on the keyboard and send an e-mail, you might be pleasantly surprised. An Ace in the Hole: One of the nicest blokes in town, Martin the Elephant Man will be holding what he calls his '40 plus a lot more' birthday party at his establishment the Ace Café on Saturday 17 December. The usual non-kosher item referred to as a pig will be spinning on a spit and a European and Thai buffet will be laid out. The affair will kick off in the late afternoon and Martin says dress is optional. The Ace Café is on the Hanuman statue corner in Jomtien, across the road from the Pattaya Properties office. Hardly a Cartoon Character: ?It's really good in there.? That was the comment passed to me by one of two young guys who were just leaving the Coyotee's gogo ( Soi Marina Plaza ) late one mid-week evening recently. It's a comment I've heard quite a few times from various people over the last month or so and when I went in the place lived up to the wraps being bandied about. There's no doubt this den has come a long way in a short time, despite its relatively poor location. The joint is clean, bright, and laid out in a thoughtful and entertaining manner. There were plenty of dancing maidens cavorting about the place and I was told there are no less than 27 showgirls. By the time you read this there will have been a hot shower section installed upstairs where, no doubt, those damsels who find the task of chrome pole molesting rather sweaty will be performing public ablutions. So much seems to be happening that many of the young ladies are in such a hurry to get on stage they forget everything except their socks. Mind you, I haven't seen anyone complaining. The management have taken up the idea of running regular in-house dance contests (but haven't quite worked out what to do with an e-mail address; see above ), with two being held so far. The next one is apparently planned for some time in January. The foreign manager of the famous Thai rock singer Sek-Loso was in the audience for the most recent dance contest and rumour has it the band might well make an appearance in the den late on Friday 16 December. Definitely a place you should put on your 'must visit' list. Meet Me by the Big Fish: Set on the way to the Fitness Park on Pratamnak Hill, the former Freeway gogo has been re-named the Meeting Club. According to reports, the old swimming pool is now filled with marine life, some of it quite attractive if you happen to be into large aquatic creatures. There are, of course, attractions without scales, in the form of dancing maidens who begin work when the den opens at 3:00PM. There's no draught amber but prices are not outlandish with Heineken at 85 baht, liver wasters (including the top shelf gear) and lady drinks at 95 baht and lolly water just 50 baht. The bar fine is standard 500 baht with lying-in facilities on site. Clock Stopped: About a year or so ago the popular FLB lounge lizard libation room ( Walking Street ) changed hands for a reportedly large wad of the folding stuff. At the time the London Clock continued as manager, a position he had held for more than three years and handled well. For reasons best known to the new ownership, the London Clock's services were quickly and quietly dispensed with in the first week of December, so it will be interesting to see what effect this has on the direction FLB takes in coming months. I'm led to believe the Clock is currently ticking away with plans to launch his own venture come mid-2006. Cultural Dancing: The Hot & Cold gogo (Soi Post Office) has been well known for many years for its 'cultural' shows, which usually take place around 10:30PM depending upon how many customers are warming the available seats. The dancing maidens have never been in the Walking Street class but they are generally a friendly lot, with a number prepared to keep their best assets on show from the time they wander through the door until closing; basically a ready-for-immediate-action look. The majority of the dancers do have that be-medalled veteran of many a chrome pole campaign look about them, but every now and again management seems able to recruit a few newcomers to serve their apprenticeship. A major plus are the reasonable prices charged by management. For example, a standard liver waster (admittedly in a small tumbler) is 80 baht, the same price as a lady drink. On a recent visit I was sat with a couple of mates and we had desperate dancers wander over for a sit and chat. Although they did the standard 'Hello, what your name where you come from' opening line, the third section, 'Buy me dlink' was, thankfully, missing. Nor did we get the usual serving wench point-and-bend-elbow salute to indicate we should purchase a libation for the thirsty damsel sat beside us. So, since they did sit and didn't ask, we all asked them if they'd like a drink. Mind you, the price for a short inspection of the upstairs lying-in facilities with the damsel of your unbridled lust is 500 baht for the boozer and 1,000 baht for her to show you her horizontal folk dancing skills. If you'd like the lady of your choice to spend a longer time giving you succour then the asking price for her services rises to 2,000 baht. Before High Tea: Further down the road is the Far East Rock gogo. This has its ups and downs in terms of numbers of dancing maidens and the quality thereof, but in recent times they seem to have recruited a steady team of 20 or more and with draught amber at 45 baht it is a good afternoon den and the music tends to be quite reasonable. It opens at 1:00PM and is usually at its best from around 3:00 until 6:00PM. Gouge Me Till it Hurts: A couple of friends recently went into the Kitten Club gogo (Pattayaland Soi 2) and came out with a bad case of 'cat-scratch fever' after being charged 125 baht for a glass of lolly water and 135 baht for a small bottle of Heineken amber nectar. A top-shelf liver waster retails at 145 baht while lady drinks are anywhere from 140 baht to 215 baht for a cocktail. The joint is now employing a gobble of lady-boys and my friends noted they seemed to be far more attractive than the female chrome pole huggers. Around and About: According to the latest reports the much-vaunted and long-awaited opening of the Angelwitch mega-show den will now take place in the early part of January. The new place is situated next door to the Fantasia and What's Up gogos in Soi 15, just around the bend from the very popular Beach Club flashing palace. The latest large-scale gogo to hit Walking Street should have opened its doors, softly, by the time you read this. I was under the impression it was to be named Dream Girls but in fact it is called X-Zone. Situated in the new Covent Garden complex ( Walking Street ) it boasts four dancing stages. The New Living Dolls gogo ( Walking Street ) is promoting a happy hour on bar fines between 8:00 and 9:00PM and again from 1:30 to 3:00AM for 300 baht. In the first instance the damsels will generally only go for a short time. Carousel gogo (Soi Diamond) have lifted their happy hour prices, but only marginally, with all standard libations just 65 baht between 8:00 and 10:00PM; draught amber fluid is 55 baht all night. The bar fine is now 550 baht. Another 'must visit' place is the Heaven Above chrome pole palace (upstairs, Soi Diamond), with a happy hour between 7:30 and 9:30PM of just 45 baht for all standard thirst quenchers and a veritable smorgasbord of dancing damsels to suit all tastes. Finally, in my last missive I mentioned the Club Boesche gogo ( Covent Garden complex, Walking Street ) and wasn't overly impressed. Since my first visit I've been in briefly once again and noticed management have managed to recruit about another 40 or so dancing maidens and they now run almost continuous shower/soapy shows. These are proving popular, although I noticed the majority of punters I saw seemed to be nursing a glass of draught amber rather than cuddling a liver waster. The draught was then retailing all night at 55 baht, but as of a week or so ago the impost has been raised to 95 baht. Whether this will harm business or not is yet to be seen. Piece of Pith: It is not what you wear, it is how you take it off.

Please remember that bar girl discussion is not permitted in the open forum. Free Membership Here

Celtic Just so you know the Mercure Hotel is abour 8 kilometers (5 miles) from the action. Although it is a nice hotel it is a terrible place to stay on your own. If you can change it, you should. Deadman It is always worth popping into FLB.

I just did the forced log out. Hope you all managed to get back in OK. Sorry for the inconvenience but it really is something I should do every month.

Periodically I have to do a forced log out. This is to get rid of any internet café machines that have been left logged into the board. I'll be doing this on Monday afternoon and once done you will need to log in with your user id and password on your next visit. If you have forgotten your password get it now.

Walking Street gogos with more agogo Set to Explode: The number of gogos in Walking Street must surely be close to reaching critical mass with no less than five new places opening their doors in recent weeks and another two -including the famed Bangkok operation Angelwitch - set to launch in the next month or so. At last count there were 43 palaces of the chrome pole extant on and around Walking Street . Perhaps this goes some way to explaining why this column tends to concentrate on reporting the goings and comings of this area to the detriment of other nightlife sois; I hardly ever get the time to move far away from Walking Street and as I have another life and some respect for my liver I avoid going out every night of the week. Three of the latest places to open their doors to the ogling public are located in the new Covent Garden complex on Soi 16, at the corner of Walking Street . In alphabetical order they are Babewatch (good name, I'm surprised no one thought of it before), Catz (minus for spelling), Club Boesche (pronounced boo-shay and apparently named after an American DJ who is a friend of one of the owners; suppose it's lucky the friend's surname wasn't D'eath), and a fourth place is due to be opened soon with, so I'm led to believe, the name Dream Girls (nocturnal emissions expected?after you pay the bar fine). The fourth new addition, which opened on Saturday night 19 November, is the Windmill gogo in Soi Diamond, situated on the site of a former Swiss restaurant. I'm led to believe the connections involved with this place are the same or similar to those running the Coyotee's chrome pole palace in Soi Marina Plaza . It is currently offering a happy hour with draught amber at 35 baht between 7:00 and 9:00PM. The fifth new entry to the gogo list is Teasers, situated almost opposite the Tony's new car showroom and occasional Disco. The question is: how do these new places differ from, or improve on, what is already here? In other words, why would you go into them rather than continue to frequent the more established joints? Teasers -opened on 16 November- is a bog-standard Thai-run den with a sensible happy hour from 7:30-9:30PM offering draught amber, house liver wasters, and lolly water at 45 baht. The music is routine car alarm garbage and top-shelf liver wasters are overpriced at 125 baht, the sort of impost the classy show dens are charging to look at some of the best looking chrome pole huggers in Fun Town. Teasers had around 25-30 dancing maidens, but few would have been suitable for a top-flight show den. Basically, the place is worth a look, in happy hour. Club Boesche is a two-flight den with a main stage (and a glass dance floor above), two smaller single-dancer stages and, the so-called piece de resistance, a Jacuzzi in front of the serving bar. It opens at 8:00PM, the music is OK (not too loud or esoteric) but the libations are overpriced with liver wasters at 110 baht and the top-shelf gear 120 baht. They do offer draught amber all night at 45 baht. There were just nine dancers on the stages (and about 20 others sitting around), with one other damsel spending most of her time covered in soap suds in the Jacuzzi; certainly the cleanest girl in Pattaya, although pneumonia may well be a workplace hazard. Given what's available elsewhere in terms of numbers, quality, and prices, I really can't see this place doing a lot of business early in the evening, except among draught beer aficionados. In contrast to the sprawling Club Boesche, Catz is a narrow bar but has a warm and intimate feeling to it; although this may have been because the air-con in the former joint was set on ?Polar Ice-cap'. Not a lot of dancers, but what was on offer seemed a friendly bunch. With a sensible happy hour priced at just 50 baht for draught amber, house liver wasters, and lolly water from 8:00-9:30PM and reasonable music, it's worth a look, even outside happy hour as liver wasters run to just 95 baht. A Rest Home for Weary Golfers (and others): The connections of the Noi's beer boozer and Sierra Tango facility, situated in the wilds of Soi Khao Talo, have recently taken it upon themselves to promote their establishment in the local press. Given the location and nature of the business I figured it was at least worth checking out. Apparently the boozer has been up and running for some time, but only as a single shophouse. In recent weeks it has acquired the place next door and undergone a substantial refit so that it now boasts an enclosed, air-conditioned section with comfortable two-seater lounge chairs and the ubiquitous TV showing sport (generally football). The 'old' bar has had a lick of paint and has the requisite pool table, while seating out the front is stock-standard concrete tables, good for watching the passing parade but tough on the posterior after an hour or so. The new management are a friendly bunch and, importantly, the serving wenches are a personable crew. As with most boozers the batting order is a bit light on with around a half-dozen meters and greeters, although I'm told by the time this column hits the streets there should be a few more smiling faces warming the front pews. The current crop of damsels are friendly in the way of women who have yet to be exposed to the hard-ass attitude of many of their inner-Pattaya cousins and the flowing white skirts that make up the lower half of the bar uniform are definitely fetching. Worth a look if you happen to live in or be wandering around the area or just fancy checking out the upstairs lying-in facilities for about an hour of relaxation. In the Tropics: While the businesses located in Soi Zero still face leasing problems from the old and now refurbished Regent Marina sleeping palace, Tropical Berts (which replaced the old Bobby Joe's 60's boozer) continues to soldier on. The place is nicely done out with a colourful tropical theme and offers a full English breakfast for 100 baht, including a free refill of either coffee or tea. Good value if you happen to be in north Pattaya and looking for a place to eat and relax for an hour or two. Bigger and Still Popular: The new dog-leg expansion of the ever-popular Happy gogo (Walking Street) is proving a great success. Although the number of seats in the chrome pole palace has increased with the new construction by about 20 the place is so well-frequented the 'house-full' sign has been placed outside the entrance on more than one occasion. Potential punters are told to come back in 20 minutes or so when a seat might then be available. The music in the place is still standard car alarm, and dreadful- but, as I've said previously, it seems to suit this place. Only a psychologist with a masters degree in applied insanity would be able to explain why this appears to be the case. Of course the main attraction, as with any palace of the chrome pole, are the dancing maidens and Happy has, apart from the occasional glitch, always managed to field a veritable clutch of desirable wallet-emptiers. The other attraction, for those on a limited budget, is the good value 45-baht amber draught, house liver wasters, and lolly water happy hour that runs for an hour from opening time at 8:00PM. The dog-leg extension features a central stage with just five or six dancers, all in very short skirts and shirts that fall open in the most revealing places. Alongside one part of the raised bench seating is a tiny dancing space where three or four ladies find it far more convenient to perform in their birthday suits, although they keep their shoes on. There are increasing numbers of groups of Japanese, Koreans and Chinese warming the bar stools and slurping a couple of bottles each of the amber nectar. Of course, this is sensible business practice by the owners as more and more north Asians are coming to Fun Town and they tend to part with their moolah a lot easier than most Caucasians. Richest So Far: The Diamond gogo (Soi Diamond) held its final in-house dance contest for the year on 20 November and, including the 2,000 baht kicked in by a couple of generous punters, some 20,000 baht was handed out in prize money. For the first time ever there was a dead-heat for first. Management introduced an added dimension with a four-team lick-me-where-the-sun-don't-shine show to end the extravaganza. There wasn't a pubic hair between the four teams with the first couple getting the nod for their inventive use of props, specifically, a chair and a green root vegetable. A damsel in the second team looked as though she hadn't had a good meal for days; the third pair could be described as the rough trade' crew for their liberal use of a simulated rubber hose; the fourth and final team made acrobatic use of the chrome poles in an athletic display worthy of Olympic gymnasts. I'm Confused: In a recent column I made mention of the nicely-appointed CJ's Disco in Soi Chaiyapoom, but noted a sign out front suggesting libations were 99 baht; Walking Street prices out in the 'sticks'. Then I received a missive from an irate owner of CJ's who claimed the price was 49, not 99, baht. Well, to set the record straight, I went back to check (for the benefit of the irate owner this took place at 7:15PM on Tuesday 22 November) and found the place not yet open for business. However, there was a Thai man behind the bar doing a bit of cleaning and arranging and I wandered in and asked a few questions (in Thai, I might add). After telling me the boozer opens at 9:00PM and goes until all hours, I asked him how much a liver waster (specifically, a vodka) was worth. '100 baht,' was his reply. I then asked if they had draught amber fluid. They don't, only the bottled stuff. I asked how much this was and he replied, 75 baht from 9:00PM until midnight and then 95 baht. No mention of any libation retailing at 49 baht; maybe I didn't ask the right questions? After yet another communication I paid yet another visit to this establishment (at 10:30PM on Sunday 27 November). Not only was there no one outside on the street attempting to bring potential customers into the place, when I went in there was not a single customer nor, more importantly, a single female. Instead, there were three Thai men working as waiters. I asked one of them -whose English was quite good- the price of various libations and was given exactly the same set as I had ascertained on my previous visit. When I made a point of asking what drinks were 49 baht he said 'none.' Clearly, the female operator of this establishment hasn't got a clue what's going on and has decided the cause of her troubles is yours truly. I suggest she turn the place into an gogo quick smart; it's not going to make it as a late-night Disco. Piece of Pith: You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.

It's 35 kilometers or about 22 miles. Takes about 30 minutes by car if you get a good run. Pretty small place and not much there except the naval base (farangs not allowed). Ban Chang with it's infamous blow job bars is fairly close but other than that it does not have much going for it in my opinion. It may well be cheap but not a place I'd choose to live.

They get bigger the more you gogo. The Clayton's Column: This is the column you get when you aren't having a column. Confused? Your liver-wasted correspondent is currently on sabbatical Down Under Last of the Great Contests: The ever-popular Diamond gogo (Soi Diamond) monthly dance contests will be coming to an early end this year with the final 2005 effort to take place on Sunday evening 20 November. Management has taken the view that December will be too busy to stage a contest so this last effort promises to be a no-holes barred extravaganza (did I really write that). Action will get under way around 9:30PM. Two More Happy Weeks: The management of the Carousel gogo (Soi Diamond) intend to continue with their 50 baht all house libations happy hour until the end of November. Prices will rise at the beginning of December. Stone the Rumours: Even before it opened, rumours suggested one of the myriad of partners in the Coyotees gogo (Soi Marina Plaza) was the famed American film director and regular Fun Town visitor Oliver Stone. I have been asked whether he is or isn't involved so many times I decided to ask someone closely associated with the director, and his answer was an unequivocal 'no'. Logically, why would Oliver Stone, a multi-millionaire in US dollar terms, be bothered with a penny ante operation in Thailand? The return on investment would be a pittance compared to his overall portfolio and any involvement would soon become public in the United States resulting in the femi-Nazis baying for his blood and claiming he was no better than a pimp exploiting the hapless maidens of the Developing World. High Season Awaits the Gullible: Plenty of people have had their fingers burnt and their wallets considerably lightened by getting involved in the local night-time entertainment scene and as high season bears down upon us once more there'll no doubt be a veritable P.T Barnum of suckers champing at the bit to part with a wad of folding stuff to invest in a surefire winning boozer. Despite increasing numbers of chrome pole palaces and therefore greater competition for the ogling baht, there are still a few places that seem to be able to fill up with paying customers from opening until closing. Three or four of them manage to take in upwards of 100,000 Baht a night during the high season and drop to around half that during the low season. Of course, they also tend to be in prime (and therefore expensive) locations and employ large squadrons of dancers, so they need to turn a decent baht every night to make a profit. For the most part running an gogo is time-consuming, expensive and beset with both major and minor problems. Many owners sound like they are just making ends meet, but I've noticed very few seem to sell out. Many spots have had the same owners for a number of years and obviously earn enough to keep them more than interested. There are easier and more hassle-free ways to make a living, although maybe not quite as much fun. While ever there are girls (and boys) in this town and punters to come and watch them perform, there will always be people ready to part with their hard-earned cash and open a nightspot. He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother: If ever a young working damsel is caught by a walking wallet as she wanders the streets or through the markets hand in hand with a young Thai man, it is amazing how often the dear sweet thing will say, 'He my brother/cousin.' Of course he is dear, and you come from a very close and tactile family. Wasn't it Elvis Presley who gave the world a hit tune with 'Kissing Cousins'? Watch the Promenade Parade: Located on Beach Road right on the corner of Soi 10 is the well-established Steak Bao noshery and boozer. It's a nice place to sit in the evening if you can snaffle a table with a view of the promenade. From your vantage point you can watch as pedestrians sauntering along the promenade disappear into unmarked holes, trip over raised pavement, impale themselves on protruding rusting metal bars or find a companion of easy virtue for a short period of comfort and relief. Libations run between 20 and 70 baht for lolly water; 45-65 baht for coffee/tea; draught amber fluid is 50 baht and bottled amber nectar 70 baht. Who's Your Daddy? A recent raid on the popular and nicely set up Lucifer's late night boogie barn (Walking Street) didn't cause foreign imbibers too much grief, but if we segue this incident into a recent story suggesting all foreigners wandering around the bars of Soi Cowboy in Bangkok must carry ID or face a fine, then the question must be asked: when will the local plod start enforcing a similar rule here in Fun Town? Maybe they'll wait until this next high season and then descend with all their bluff and bluster to annoy the crap out of visitors in the name of social order. Sensibly, in Bangkok at least, the peelers accept a genuine photo ID or a driver's licence in lieu of a passport. Given that 99 people out of 100 behave sensibly (if a little over-indulgently on some occasions when it comes to the giggle sauce), any ID enforcement policy will only serve to annoy revellers. The one in a 100 who is a complete moron couldn't give a stuff anyway about a direction that he carry ID. Shares in Silicone: The value of Dow-Corning shares must be going through the roof if visual evidence on the garishly lit streets of Pattaya is anything to go by. Asian females are not generally noted for their impressive chest sizes, but in recent times more and more of the sweet young things are taking pills or having a little doctor-supervised needlework in an attempt to gain those few extra centimetres. Where the pills and the needles don't work, it's the surgeon's scalpel and a blob or three of silicone. It's been noticeable in recent years that large numbers of the damsels who parade their best assets around chrome poles are sporting sets of lungs that hadn't grown in the usual spot courtesy of Mother Nature. Watch the passing parade late on Walking Street and you will see plenty of ladies, and of course, gobbles of lady-boys who have contributed healthy profits to more than a few plastic surgeons. When I ask some of these tender young lasses how much such chest-enhancing operations cost, the figures invariably come in anywhere from 40-60,000 baht. Given the average salary of a chrome pole molester runs to about 10,000 baht a month (in Pattaya) it doesn't take a degree in Keynesian economics to work out the damsels with the scuba-lungs either have a generous paramour or two feeding the bank book or they are turning more tricks than a politician running for office. Funny how most of the damsels I question about their shapely new form deny having a boyfriend. Are they being casual with the truth? Price Comparison: A friend with a drinking condition and a fondness for Singha tells me a six-pack is currently AUD$13.50 in a retail boozatorium nearby his humble abode in the southern suburbs of Sydney. At current exchange rates that equates to around 420 baht or 70 baht a bottle. A slab of 24 bottles of the amber fluid is flogged off at AUD$50, or about 1,555 baht or 65 baht a bottle. The Singha is export quality and coming from a developing nation into a First World country, yet the price for one bottle is virtually the same, or in many cases less, than many beer boozers and some gogos charge for the local product. Agreed you do not get cavorting dancers or importuning former farmer's daughters stroking your hand or other parts of your anatomy while you sip your imported Singha, but it does make me wonder how it is possible to sell a product so competitively to consumers in Australia and yet here imbibers really pay a premium. A Couple of Active Posts: In the 1860s, Jack Black was given the Royal Appointment by Queen Victoria for two positions. Name them.' This was a question in one of the recent Wednesday night quiz leagues and the answer makes me think the quiz-master at least has a sense of humour. The two positions were: Rat Catcher and Mole Destroyer. City Hall please note. Footnotes in History: 1914 The governor of Virginia in the United States sent his secretary to administer the boom town of Copperfield . She closed all the saloons within 80 minutes of arrival. (The Interior Ministry awaits you my dear) Try this Quick Quiz: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Piece of Pith: The women who take husbands not out of love but out of greed, to get their bills paid, to get a fine house and clothes and jewels; the women who marry to get out of a tiresome job, or to get away from disagreeable relatives, or to avoid being called an old maid; these are whores in everything but name. The only difference between them and my girls is that my girls gave a man his money's worth.' -Polly Adler (1900?1962), U.S. brothel-keeper. A House Is Not a Home .

Lots of people have asked about this over the years so I thought I'd write down my thoughts for the new Expat section. Before worrying about work permits, visas, taxes and ownership the prospective business owner should consider the following. Starting a business is a risky proposition. In the west over 75% of new businesses fail in the first year. Reasons for failure vary but I am sure the number 1 reason is under capitalization. New business owners generally under estimate how much money they will need to put in to the business to get through the first year. They commonly have detailed plans for everything that needs to be purchased and done, up to opening day and then nothing. The new business owner thinks that once the business is operating it will be self sustaining and maybe pay them a wage as well. This rarely happens in any business. The first year is nearly always a struggle with major losses to be covered. If you don't have the capital to meet those losses then you are going down the tubes. Even a small business can gobble cash at an alarming rate. A good business plan will include enough operating cash to see the venture through the toughest year possible. The new owner better be prepared to work long hours for no remuneration as well. If you are still losing money after the first year then something is wrong. Fixing it will probably be expensive. Got any cash left? If you have then you can revise your plan and start again. If not then kiss goodbye to all the time and money you have invested to date. The next big reason for failure is poor management skills. Management is a profession and people study it at Harvard and still end up being poor managers. A good manager makes a business. Without good management you are stuffed from day 1. Everyone thinks they have what it takes to be a manager but the plain truth is that many do not. I have seen many good workers promoted to management and then fail. The skills required are different from working a job and many people just do not have what it takes. Do you? So starting a new business in your home country is risky at best and you have a 75% chance of failing. Now throw a new country into the mix, an unfriendly regulatory environment for foreigners, language problems and no chance of getting any help from a bank and believe me the odds of success plummet. Doing it in Thailand is tough. Very tough. Still want to give it a go? What about trying it at home first. If you have already run a successful business at home then your chances of success in Thailand are much greater. So you still want to do it in Thailand. OK, what sort of business. For most it's a bar. Guess what? There are over 3,000 bars in Pattaya already. If that much competition doesn't scare you, it should! Why will you succeed where many have failed? Do you have an USP. A Unique Selling Point is what sets you apart from your 3,000 competitors. I hope you have some good ideas because you will need them. Just about any business you can think of is already well covered in Pattaya, so whatever you want to do you can be sure it will be a competitive environment. One of the biggest problems here is too many businesses that are not making a decent profit but which the owner keeps going anyway for lifestyle reasons. All these unsuccessful businesses still have some custom and that is custom you are not going to get. I'll confine the rest of my comments to operating a bar. Most of them are relevant to any other business as well. PREMISES You are probably going to be renting. It is possible to buy a building but you need to go through some legal shenanigans to do so and for most people it is not a viable idea. Rent prices are set by demand, not profit. The landowner cares little if the 20 beer bars in his complex are all losing money, as long as the rent is being paid. If the rent is not paid then he will kick you out and a new guy will take your place in a flash. Rents often do not make sense when compared to the earning potential of the business but in Thailand, nobody seems to care about that. Key money is common here. It means you will make an upfront lump sum payment to the owner, which if you leave, even after one day, you lose. Good for landlords but lousy for you. Key money and rents vary wildly with no perceivable (to me anyway) justification for what is asked. Be prepared to look long and hard, get a good feeling for the market and don't get sucked into a losing proposition. If you pay a million baht in key money, that comes straight off you first million baht of profit. For many beer bars that's a year or more of profit, gone before you even start. Rents and leases also vary considerably. Although there are some long term leases available generally the longest you will get is 3 years with perhaps a right to renew (and pay key money again) for a further three years. Consider this carefully if you are going to do a major renovation of the building. At the end of the lease the landlord gets it all. Is three or six years long enough to get a good return on your investment. Location, location, location. The three golden rules of any retail business. There are lots of cheap bars in out of the way places. Cheap rent in a bad location is not going to help you make a profit. Setting up a company. If you do not have a company then your business will have no legal standing, which means no work permits. Generally foreigners can not own more than 49% of a Thai company so you are going to need some shareholders to own the other 51%. If it's going to be the girlfriend then be careful. With 51% she can fire you and refuse to pay a dividend. Basically it becomes her business to do with as she sees fit. If your relationship fails this could be big trouble for you. Many lawyers will help you set this up with "professional shareholders" who hold the shares for a nominal fee. There shares will be non-voting and will not receive any dividend. You will also hold sale and purchase agreements signed by these shareholders selling their shares at a specified price (1 baht) to whoever you nominate. This works and is legal but in reality is getting around the intent of the law. Consider that before you throw millions at your new business. Visas. If you are going to have a business in Thailand you will presumably want to stay here. What Visa will you get. It is possible to own a business on a tourist visa but you will not be able to get a work permit if that's all you have. You can get by on this but make sure nobody sees you do any work in the bar or it could be off to immigration jail A real hell hole from all accounts. You can get a business visa but you will need to invest three million baht in your business or other approved investments in Thailand to get this. You can get a Non Immigrant B out of country which will enable your company to employ you but there are some major tax issues to be considered with this approach. Also your company will be limited in how many farangs it can employ. It's all do-able but you will need some competent legal advice to get this set up correctly and legally. Work Permits. If you are going to work in the bar then you will need a work permit. Working includes sitting at the bar drinking and talking with customers. People have been arrested and sent to jail for doing just that so once again be careful. To get a work permit you will probably have to work through a lawyer. Expect to pay some hefty fees. Licenses. You will need a liquor license, health department certificate and entertainment license. Expect big fees and long delays unless you can find the right person to bribe to hurry things along. In my experience to get a liquor license you will need an entertainment license. Before you can get an entertainment license you will need a liquor license. Expect to run around in circles for a while sorting out this sort of nonsense. Staff This is where things get really tricky. Thais do not have the same work ethic as farangs. They are different and need to be managed differently. Remember that Pattaya is a workers paradise. Virtually every one of the three thousand bars in town is looking for more staff. Finding and retaining good staff is going to be your number one headache for as long as you are in business in Thailand. If you start a new business then you will have no regular customers. Why should a girl work at your bar when the number one bar in town is employing every day. The only girls who can't easily get work are fat and ugly. How many fat and ugly girls do you want working in your bar? Be wary of friends and Mamasans who claim to be able to bring you staff. Often it won't work out. All your girlfriends or wifes friends may say they will come but when the time arrives they do not. Others may work for a week and decide the bar across the road that has twice as many customers as yours is a better proposition. Regardless of the salary you pay the real money for the girls is from customers who bar fine them. If you can not provide the customers she will work elsewhere. If you can not get girls you won't have any customers. If your idea is to let your wife or girlfriend run the bar, be careful. What training does she have to be a manager? Does she really understand the hard work and long hours that will be required to make it work? Every bar girl I've ever met thinks she could run the bar better than the current management but most of them have no idea what is involved. Left to their own devices most bar girls can kill a good business in one week flat. Lifestyle Why do you want to run a bar? If you think it means unlimited free sex and booze, think again. Screwing the crew is a sure fired way to kill your business stone dead. Drinking the profits is easily done but it won't pay the rent. Operating a business requires dedication, hard work, commitment, street smarts and a bit of luck. It is not going to be an easy lifestyle but it can be very rewarding. If you start with the right attitude you might succeed. If you start expecting an easy life then you are bound to fail. Tax The tax regime in Thailand is very laid back compared to the west. If you deal with it properly and get good advice you can pay minimal tax. If you do not have things set up right you can be in a load of crap when the tax inspector arrives, which he will one day. Remember Thailand also has GST (VAT) which requires you to make monthly returns and pay the difference between tax paid when you purchase stock and tax collected when you sell. Tea money Depending on what sort of bar you have and exactly what happens within, you will probably need a friendly policeman to take care of you. Claims are not exorbitant but once again be careful. If handled wrongly and the police have it in for you, you are screwed. If you are too generous then you may well end up with 20 cops sitting at your bar drinking on your tab. Get some advice from someone who is already dealing with this. Mafia protection rackets.. This does not happen in Pattaya. If it does happen to you, call the cops and the problem will be severely dealt with. Buying an Existing Business If you buy an operation that is already set up you will save yourself a lot of grief but you will also pay much more than starting from scratch. Be very careful about due diligence (if you don't know what that means then you probably shouldn't be buying a business). Remember that a lot of creative accounting goes on here and virtually nobody does an audit. A standard price for a business in Thailand would be 2 -3 times yearly profit. The trick is in establishing what the profit really is. Also, remember if you are successful and want to sell the business then you will only get 2 or 3 times your yearly profit. By international standards this is low but the reality is that Thailand is a high risk proposition so prices are discounted accordingly. If you sold the same business in the west you may well get 5 -10 times the yearly profit. That's all I can think of for now. If I get some questions that seem relevant I'll add some new sections to this post covering them. Justtony has owned a bar is now working for a lawyer and regularly deals with this stuff so he may have quite a bit to add. Just a final thought. I ran a bar here for seven years and I loved every minute of it. It's a crazy way to earn a living and I spent all my time bouncing from one problem to the next but I would not have missed the experience for the world. Everybody will rightly try and put you off but if you have what it takes, including sufficient capital and an iron will, then there is nothing in the world quite like it.

The license place is near The Regency school on the way to Rayong. Rayong is a further 50 kilometers along the road.

I've had several of these "Medical Certificates". I needed one for a Thai driving licence too. Turn up at the clinic with 100 baht in your hand. Nurse takes blood pressure. Doctor listens to heart for 10 seconds, asks if you have any diseases, say Ahhh, doctor looks in mouth, sign here, done! Takes about 3 minutes.

Is now available for download in the FLB Video section. Ben also has a few copies on DVD for sale in the bar for those still in Pattaya.

Buddhist wedding only, doesn't qualify Sunny.

I have just received my shiny new 1 year retirement visa. When researching the necessary hoops to jump through, I found the info a bit lacking, even on ThaiVisa.com. so for anyone interested here's my experience. I started off by going to Immigration in Pattaya to check what the requirements are. Here's the list - You must be 50 or over. You must have 800,000 baht in a Thai bank. You must have a current Non-Immigrant "O" visa in your passport. Usually you are advised to get the Non Im "O" in your home country but as I was already in Pattaya and did not want to go all the way back home I asked about getting one somewhere nearer. Nobody new if this could be done. I decided to give Singapore a try so flew down there and filled in the form at the Thai Embassy. They asked to see proof of 800,000 baht in a Thai bank which fortunately I had with me. A letter from the bank and my passbook and a photocopy of each page of the passbook. That proved to be sufficient and next day I had my Non Im "O". They will not issue multi-entry visas in Singapore but three months was sufficient for my needs. I believe Penang is also good for this and it was my standby if Singapore crapped out. Back in Pattaya I fronted Immigration with my Non Im "O", letter from the bank, copy of all pages of my bank passbook, and a passport photo. There has to be a gotcha of course and this time it was a medical certificate. They didn't tell me about that when I first asked but no worries. Off to a local clinic and back in 10 minutes with the requisite piece of paper. After filling in a few forms they told me to come back the next day. Turned up bright and early and was handed my passport complete with 1 year visa. Mission accomplished! Actually all the visa is, is a rubber stamp extending the Non-Im "O" for 1 year. You must report (with the appropriate form) your current address every 90 days and if you leave the country you must get a re-entry permit. Multiple re-entry permits are available. At the end of the year another 1 year extension can be obtained without leaving the country. You must once again show that you have 800,000 baht in a Thai bank, get a medical certificate and apply before the 1 year extension expires. The fees are 1950 baht for the extension and 3,000 baht for the multi-re-entry permit. I must say this is the easiest Visa I've ever had. I used to get Business Visas for one year but they were a major hassle, took weeks to come through, had to be applied for in Bangkok, cost a fortune and needed additional smoozing by my lawyer to get them done. If you are over 50 and want to stay long term then this Visa is a no-brainer.