VPI78

A man is walking down the street in Dublin when he sees a sign in the window of a travel agency that says cruises on Liffey River – $100. He goes into the agency and hands the guy $100. The travel agent then whacks him over the head and throws him in the river. Another man is walking down the street a half hour later, sees the sign and pays the guy $100. The travel agent then whacks him over the head and throws him in the river. Sometime later, the two men are floating down the river together and the first man asks, “Do you think they’ll serve any food on this cruise?” The second man says, “I don’t think so. They didn’t do it last year.”

Paddy and Mick were having a few beers at the bar together recounting old times when the call of nature caused them to line up at the stainless steel, still deep in conversation. But Paddy could hardly ignore the fact that Mick was very well endowed. “I say, ‘tis a remarkable dong you have there,” Paddy was prompted to remark. Replied Mick. “Medical science can do wonders with transplants these days,” he said. “I got this done in Dublin. It costs me twenty thousand euros, but as you can see, well worth it.” Paddy was envious. In fact, he packed his bag that night and drove to Dublin. It was a good six months later before he ran into Mick once again and he could hardly wait to tell him that he had taken his advice and was well pleased with the result. “You were diddled. I got mine for ten thousand euros only” said Paddy. Mick could hardly believe it. Same address in Dublin, same doctor. Thinking that he had been ripped off, he asked Paddy if he could have a look. Once more they lined up at the stainless steel and when Mick took a peek, the worried frown which had creased his face disappeared and he started laughing. “Why are you laughing?” “No wonder you got it at half price,” Mick laughed. “That’s my old one!

Old man Murphy and old man Sean were contemplating life when Murphy asked, “If you had to get one or the other would you rather get Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s? ”Sure, I rather have Parkinson’s”, replied Sean “’Tis better to spill a couple of ounces of Jameson whiskey than to forget where you keep the bottle!”

Bottled water in Thailand comes from a combination of sources; tap, well, underground, and springs. Most of Thailand's spring water comes from the north, and in the central regions only 3 or 4 companies are licensed to pump water from underground sources to make bottled water. In the Pattaya area bottled water unless sold/distributed from the above northern sources, tends to be from well and tap water which will not dry up as much as become more costly to produce as the water has a higher mineral and salts/calcium carbonates content in drought conditions and becomes more expensive to filter. But about the only effects on consumers will be pricing will go up nominally; likely not enough to notice, e.g., a 12-pack of 600 Ml bottles at Makro might go from 45 to 49 baht.

An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers. He then pulls a small green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him on the counter. As he’s drinking one drink and the green man is drinking the other, an Englishman down the bar who has had a few too many drinks says, “Hey, what’s that little green thing down there?” The green man runs down the bar gives the Englishman a raspberry, “SPLBLBLBLT!,” right in the face and runs back to the Irishman. The Englishman mops himself off and says to the Irishman, “Hey, what is that thing, anyway?” The Irishman replies, “Have some respect. He’s a leprechaun.” “Oh, all right.” the Englishman says sullenly. They all go back to drinking beer. An hour or so later, the Englishman is really plastered. “Boy, that leprechaun sure is an ugly little bastard!” he says. The leprechaun runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a raspberry again, “SPLBLBLBLBT!” This time the Englishman is really mad! “Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again I’ll Chop his willie right off, I will!” he shouts. “You can’t do that,” says the Irishman. “Leprechauns don’t have willies.” “How do they pee, then?” asks the Englishman. “They don’t,” says the Irishman. “They go SPLBLBLBLBT.

A Frenchman walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bird is wearing a baseball cap. The bartender says, “Hey, that’s neat. Where did you get that?” The parrot says, “France—they’ve got millions of them there.”

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses’ wife instead: “I’m afraid he died last week.” she explains. The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. “I told you” the wife replies, “he died last week.” The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts: “I’VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?” * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * “Coz…” He replied laughing, “I just love hearing it…..”

- dumbasses that hold up Immigration lines because they failed to complete their landing/entry card ... although recently Thailand has started intercepting those as they enter the queue. - picking the wrong queue, e.g., at checkout, lately I have started avoiding queues in Thailand with chinese, indians, and russians as much as possible, especially at Immigration. - getting behind a Thai at an ATM who is transferring money to what seems to be a dozen different accounts - Drivers who pass on the highways at what seems to be 140 kph only to take forever pulling away from a stop. Have you ever noticed how slowly a Thai driver takes to accelerate to highway speed? - Currency exchange booths rejecting currency with any sign of wear or the slightest of marks - people that enter through doors clearly marked exit only and act shocked when you don't give way. - love struck punters walking holding hands with their mia noi du our on what little patch of pedestrian pavement there is in Thailand and then acting agrieved when you don't give way to them. - 'joiner fees' when you've paid for a double occupancy hotel room. - chinese at buffets ... nope take that one back; that's some of the most awesome free entertainment in Pattaya. But it's to the point that if you are unlucky enough to have booked a hotel that has chinese package 'tourists ... some tend to have a separate dining room for the quality tourists ... so it can make it harder to see the show.

... well if they are steroid abusers it won't be with the ole meat and veggies.