VPI78

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money. After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president’s office. The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, ‘$165,000’. The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.The president was surprised and asked, ‘What kind of bets?’ The elderly woman replied, ‘Well, I bet you $10,000 that your testicles are square.’ The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that. The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, ‘Would you like to take my bet?’ ‘Certainly’, replied the president. ‘I bet you $10,000 that my testicles are not square.’ ‘Done’, the elderly woman answered. ‘But given the amount of money involved, if you don’t mind I would like to come back at 10 ‘ clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.’ ‘No problem’, said the president of the Bank confidently. That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet. The next morning at exactly 10 o’clock the elderly woman arrived at the president’s office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $10,000 bet made the day before that the president’s testicles were square The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly. The president was happy to oblige. The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. ‘Of course’, said the president. ‘Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.’ The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, ‘Oh, it’s probably because I bet him $50,000 that around 10 o’clock this morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Ireland.’

Harry could have a Kardashian ... well, if he would have waited his turn.

Wac and his financial ramblings are like a stopped clock, i.e., eventually he will be right for a brief time. He's just looking for some winding up assistance ... I'll help ... thanks Wac; I bought Bank of America back in 2009 after your sage predictions ... it's gone from $4/share (although being a LDOP I got it at $5) to about $35/share today while maintaining a 2% yield.

Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy, “I’m gonna get the day off. I’m gonna pretend I’ve gone mad!” He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts “I’m a lightbulb, I’m a lightbulb!” Murphy watches in amazement. The foreman shouts: “Paddy, go home. You’ve gone mad.” So Paddy leaves the site. Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well. “Where do you think you’re going?” asks the foreman. “Well, I can’t work in the friggin dark!” said Murphy.

If you can tolerate 3 flights of stairs there's an interesting and inexpensive rooftop place on top of Hemingway. Draft Leo pints for 65 Baht from 6pm to 8pm.

A guy was in a bar drinking beer. He would finish his beer, pull out his wallet and look at a picture of his wife, order another beer take out his wallet and looks at a picture of his wife. He did this several times, finally, the bartender asks, why after you finish a beer you take out your wallet and look at a picture of your wife. The guy says as soon as she starts looking better to me, I go home.

Murphy goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. There’s a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby. And on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments. He hears a priest come in. “Father, forgive I think its been a while since I’ve been to confession and to be sure I must say that the confessional box is much better than it used to be. The priest replies, “Get out, you idiot. You’re on my side!”