A Canadian Soldier

[Braveheart 0]

A Canadian Soldier was attending some university courses between

deployments. He had completed tours in Bosnia, and just returned from

Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist.

 

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the

ceiling and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock

me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes."

 

The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by

and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still waiting."

 

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Soldier got out of his

chair, went up to the professor, and punched him; knocking him off the

platform. The professor was out cold. The Soldier went back to his seat and

sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and sat there looking

on in silence.

 

The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Soldier

and asked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

 

The Soldier calmly replied, "God was too busy today protecting Canada's

Soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an

asshole, so He sent me."

[BillWilson 10]

Perfect brother!

[mykl 72]

The soldier is probably now doing 20 to life for assault. Not believing in God is not a crime. It was for about 1.5 millenia but you can no longer be burned at the stake or subjected to the rack for not believing what the church orders you to believe.

[BillWilson 10]

Boy, we could really start a controversy here.

[Braveheart 0]

I don't see this so much about God as I do about protecting a persons right to say stupid shit and act like an asshole. Most of us are lucky and have the freedom to do that, but that freedom has been dearly won and paid for by the courageous men and women who put their lives on the line for us on a daily basis. Not everyone in the world enjoys that freedom. You can see a lot of stupid shit and meet many assholes with opinions even on this board. The great thing is that they can be here and we can in turn make fun of them (within reason). Perhaps my putting this in the Funnies Section was an error and I should have posted it on the Members Bar to start some religious controversy, that was not the intention however.

[whilliam_mancon 2]

Another flame, I see!

 

 

 

 

 

 

[joekicker 53]

The soldier is probably now doing 20 to life for assault.

 

You actually believe this was a true story.

 

That is about the stupidest shit I have heard this week.

[probe 11]

I heard the same thing about 5 years ago, except it was a former US Marine.

[short 215]

For a majority of the subjects, it would have been improper for a professor to bring up the subject of religion in a class.

 

For the small cases when it would have been proper, the rule of "know your audience" applies.

[BigusDicus 9,881]

A Canadian Soldier was attending some university courses between

deployments. He had completed tours in Bosnia, and just returned from

Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist.

 

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the

ceiling and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock

me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes."

 

The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by

and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still waiting."

 

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Soldier got out of his

chair, went up to the professor, and punched him; knocking him off the

platform. The professor was out cold. The Soldier went back to his seat and

sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and sat there looking

on in silence.

 

The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Soldier

and asked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

 

The Soldier calmly replied, "God was too busy today protecting Canada's

Soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an

asshole, so He sent me."

 

 

Amen!

[gusgus 0]

2 thumbs up on that one..

 

My uncle sent me this one 2 days ago.

 

 

God vs Science

 

 

'Let me explain the problem science has with religion.' The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

'You're a Christian, aren't you, son?'

'Yes sir,' the student says.

'So you believe in God?'

'Absolutely.

'Is God good?'

'Sure! God's good.'

'Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?'

Yes'

'Are you good or evil?'

'The Bible says I'm evil.'

The professor grins knowingly. 'Aha! The Bible!' He considers for a moment.. 'Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?'

'Yes sir, I would.'

So you're good...!'

'I wouldn't say that.'

'But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't.'

The student does not answer, so the professor continues. 'He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?'

The student remains silent.

'No, you can't, can you?' the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.

'Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?'

'Er..yes,' the student says.

'Is Satan good?'

The student doesn't hesitate on this one.. 'No.'

'Then where does Satan come from?'

The student falters. 'From God'

'That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?'

'Yes, sir.'

'Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything correct??

'Yes'

So who created evil?' The professor continued, 'If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil.'

Again, the student has no answer. 'Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?'

The student squirms on his feet. 'Yes.'

'So who created them?'

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. 'Who created them?' There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized. 'Tell me,' he continues onto another student.

'Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?

The student's voice betrays him and cracks. 'Yes, professor, I do.'

The old man stops pacing. 'Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?'

'No sir. I've never seen Him.'

'Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?'

'No, sir, I have not.'

'Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelled your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?'

'No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't.'

'Yet you still believe in him?'

'Yes'

'According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?'

'Nothing,' the student replies. 'I only have my faith.'

'Yes, faith,' the professor repeats. 'And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith.'

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of His own. 'Professor, is there such thing as heat?'

' Yes.'

'And is there such a thing as cold?'

'Yes, son, there's cold too.'

'No sir, there isn't.'

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested.

The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain.'You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees.'

'Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.'

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.

'What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?'

'Yes,' the professor replies without hesitation. 'What is night if it isn't darkness?'

'You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word.'

'In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?'

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. 'So what point are you making, young man?

'Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed.'

The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. 'Flawed? Can you explain how?'

'You are working on the premise of duality,' the student explains.. 'You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God.. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought.'

'It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it.

'Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?'

'If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do.'

'Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?'

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.

'Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?'

The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided.

'To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean.'

The student looks around the room. 'Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?' The class breaks out into laughter..

'Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelled the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have

no brain, with all due respect, sir.'

'So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?'

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable.

Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. 'I guess you'll have to take them on faith.'

'Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life,' the student continues. 'Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?'

Now uncertain, the professor responds, 'Of course, there is. We see it everyday It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world.. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.'

To this the student replied, 'Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart.. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.'

The professor sat down.

The student was Albert Einstein. Albert Einstein did write a book titled God vs. Science in 1921...

[BigusDicus 9,881]

I said it once. I will say it again:

 

AMEN!

 

 

 

Excellent!

[shamasdog 1]

Funnies Section, it's called the Funnies Section. They B Jokes,

[BigusDicus 9,881]

Funnies Section, it's called the Funnies Section. They B Jokes,

 

I am reminded of that Paul Simon song with lyics something like:

 

"One man's ceiling

 

Is another man's floor".....

[Samsonite 181]

...They B Jokes,

"They B Jokes"?!! "B Jokes"??!!!!!!!!! What ghetto are you from?

Edited March 1, 2009 by Scalawag

[Rick1079 0]

This is the "Funnies Section" it's all jokes, so don't take anything written here seriously.

[1234 0]

gusgus..hats off to you for putting this up. Eventhough it was long enough, it sure does imply that even humour teaches mankind a few lessons. What was really fascinating is to see that it was Einstein who preached it. Thanks for putting this up.

 

Edited to add: I've copied the text and have sent it as email attachments to a couple of my friends who would definitely appreciate it,too

Edited March 2, 2009 by 1234

[samfreeland 64]

2 thumbs up on that one..

 

My uncle sent me this one 2 days ago.

 

 

God vs Science

thats y its called FAITH..

 

'Let me explain the problem science has with religion.' T

Edited March 4, 2009 by samfreeland

[kaiser71 30]

No disrespect to anyone's religion, but the Einstein story is an urban legend. Einstein didn't believe in the "Personal God" of organized religion. His religiousness and conception of God had more to do with the awe he had for the laws of nature.

[Shark_Bait 0]

very good post I enjoyed it qusqus