MONKEYWATCH - May 2006

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to the very first of what may become a regular look into the most intimate crevices of Pattaya life. Then again, it may not. Anyway, here we go.

 

Firstly, a belated happy St George's Day to all English boardies. Actually, you have to feel sorry for old St George, having to kill that hideous old dragon. These days, he could have just divorced it and buggered off to Pattaya.

 

The Casino Club has been taking a lot of stick for having expensive drinks, crap over-loud music and girls who you can't get off with. However, when confronted with this damning indictment, the owner claimed that the place was meant to be an English theme bar and went on to thank his critics for taking the trouble to point out how authentic it was.

 

The ever-increasing number of Brits visiting Pattaya has inevitably led to more and more local restaurants offering traditional English food, though the owners of these establishments have strenuously denied that the increasing popularity of the British delicacy spotted dick is in any way responsible for the sharp decline in the world's leopard population.

 

If you thought Muslims were the only religious group likely to stir up the shit in Pattaya, think again, because we've now got bible-bashers on Walking Street. A group of three likely lads, led by a clean cut all-American boy, could recently be seen spouting on at the bemused passers-by, trying to convince them that they'd end up in Hell if they didn't change their sinful ways. So if you're planning a trip to Hell, you'd better pack your skis and ice-skates just in case they succeed.

 

The Miss Nong Khai contest was reportedly thrown into uproar when it was discovered that one of the contestants was actually a girl. The perpetrators of this outrage are currently being hunted down with a view to immediate deportation.

 

One of the more popular Cherry Bar girls has been overheard telling friends that she's getting money every month from an English banker. Looks like we've found another letter of the alphabet that Thais can't pronounce.

 

Have you ever noticed the uneasy relationship that seems to exist between Thai girls and makeup? You've got some girls who can make themselves up to look as fabulously exotic as top film stars, and others who end up looking like a team of paintballers have been using their faces for target practice. Don't they teach them anything on those bloody farms?

 

There's been a few guys been asking the question 'Old or young, what do Thai girls like?' Well, they've been asked and they said that they don't care how old your money is.

 

The latest news from the government is that all infrastructure projects in Thailand have been suspended. Various plans have been put forward as cost-cutting measures, such as the planned new buses being replaced by conga lines. It's also been suggested that, instead of building new light rail lines to reduce the number of cars in Bangkok, they could achieve the same result by letting Indians drive the taxis for a couple of days.

 

You may be aware that there's been some controversy lately about the use of large gif signatures on some Pattaya message boards, which just goes to prove the old saying 'Beware of geeks bearing gifs'.

 

A parting thought. You know you've got style when you barfine a showgirl just because you can't find your bottle opener.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

Edited June 4, 2007 by monkeyman

[Sailfast 503]

Four words:

 

Laughing my ass off.

 

Thanks, Sailfast

[G 0]

[Big Daddy 0]

man, you crack me up!!!!!!!!!!

[ting_tong 63]

OOO HOO - OOO HOO - OOO HOO (chimp screaming)

[AverageBob 0]

Very, very funny

 

Bob

[ben99 0]

[RWB 0]

Great, really great, thanks for the laugh.

[plutodavfoe 6]

Monkeyman,

you should be a standup comic pissed myself especially about the banker sending money

[eltib 54]

I thought the whole report was a hoot.

[Sa-teef 44]

"....especially about the banker sending money "

 

But aren't all those Brits b(w)ankers?

 

Seriously, good stuff my primate buddy.

 

Always enjoy your contributions.

 

 

~Sa-teef

[deadman 0]

 

"....especially about the banker sending money "

 

But aren't all those Brits b(w)ankers?

 

 

 

 

~Sa-teef

hey, watch the (w), i'm a brit but unfortunately not a banker like those wankers

Edited May 2, 2006 by deadman

[PaulUK2004 0]

Thks m8 made me laff!!!

 

I dont know! whats next? first, time share touts, and now Jehovahs witnesses!!!!!

[Braveheart 0]

Well done! Please make this a regular occurence. It's taken me 10 minutes to write this response because I've been laughing so hard , and another 10 to edit out my errors.

Edited May 4, 2006 by Braveheart

[cash 0]

absafuckinglutely hilarious...gracius

[dotcom_OD 0]

nice to see humour brought to the board...thanks monkeyman

[DSbadger 0]

Excellent report Monkeyman, keep'em coming.

[mbiggs 1]

Very funny

[Mescalito 19]

One of the more popular Cherry Bar girls has been overheard telling friends that she’s getting money every month from an English banker.  Looks like we’ve found another letter of the alphabet that Thais can’t pronounce.

I damned near spit my coffee out all over my laptop when I read this one. Too damned funny!