Monkeywatch - February 2013

[monkeyman]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap, and welcome once again to another month’s rummage in the rucksack of rude. Off we go.

 

It’s been a pretty standard sort of month in Pattaya really. A Pole was pulverised by a propeller (on a speedboat), a Russian was recycled into a rack of ribs (by a motorbike), and a Dane was demolished by a drop (23 floors from a condo block). Add to that the usual spate of shootings, stabbings and muggings and it’s just been business as usual. Still, it’s a great place to bring the family – if you want to go home single.

 

In response to the recent large increase in violent attacks on Russian tourists, police began their 30-day crackdown with a ban on smoking in bars. Their next plan is to eliminate the drugs epidemic with a clampdown on nudity.

 

Actually, there’s been a lot of cynicism about the 30-day crime crackdown and questions asked as to why it won’t be permanent. Well, because it’s easier to do it for 30 days. Okay boys, time’s up, as you were.

 

Even in Pattaya, it’s probably not a good idea to have your wiring done by Baron Frankenstein…

 

 

A local man was arrested on South Pattaya Road last weekend after a bag was snatched from a tourist on South Pattaya Road. Police said the man had been totally uncooperative, not listening to them or answering their questions, though they conceded that the fact he was deaf and dumb might have had something to do with this. They added that he sure played a mean pinball.

 

A Thai lad with an addiction to western movies was arrested last Wednesday after being caught stealing DVDs from a local 7-Eleven store. Strangely, he was apprehended while still in the store, so next time you go shopping in Pattaya, make sure you get your stuff from the shelf to the till pretty damn quick or you’re liable to be spending the rest of your stay in the monkey house.

 

Police raided Central Festival Pattaya Beach last Wednesday evening and seized three unlicensed arcade machines. The machines were released after being fined 100 baht each and were back plying their trade the following evening.

 

The chief of the Pattaya City Planning Department has finally had his achievements recognised with the presentation of this personalised chair…

 

 

Not much bar news this month, though we have seen the demise of one of the old institutions of Walking Street, the good ole Dollhouse. However, as usual, there’s another place opening to redress the balance, the lucky bar this time being Sensations A Go Go, which has opened on the site of the old Cavern A Go Go. Oh, and Sapphire A Go Go has acquired a play mat. Nice to see local businesses are still investing heavily in infrastructure.

 

Police seized 160,000 yabba tablets during a raid on local house last week. They apprehended a man on the premises who claimed that he wasn’t a drug dealer but had been to see his doctor and inadvertently picked up a prescription intended for Keith Richards.

 

A Thai country singer was bizarrely arrested at a concert in North Pattaya last Friday for apparently “singing the wrong songs”. Reckon if the Osmonds ever play there they’ll lock the lot of ‘em up and throw the key away.

 

Following the story in England that the remains of King Richard III had been discovered underneath a car park in the city of Leicester, reports have been dismissed that the body of Genghis Khan has been found in the freezer of a convenience store in North Pattaya.

 

Former council member Mr Yuslas Sakkashit was arrested on Beach Road last Friday after being caught cheating in a local fishing contest…

 

 

City officials have renewed their pledge to upgrade facilities at the Pattaya Youth Sports Center after calling it “a dilapidated embarrassment”, an expression they learned from reading a review of a concert by Cliff Richard. Cliff of course swore he’d never play in Thailand again after an incident on stage in Bangkok a few years ago when he was struck in the left ear by an individual pork pie during the second chorus of “Devil Woman”.

A Thai bloke was rushed to hospital in Banglamung the other Tuesday with severe burns after setting fire to his coat after a row with his girlfriend. The lady in question said she took no notice at first as he often wore a smoking jacket or a blazer.

 

Finally, there were fireworks galore in Pattaya last Sunday night when a taxi exploded outside City Hall. The cause of the explosion is still unknown, though it’s believed that shortly before the incident, the driver of the taxi had told an argumentative Muslim passenger to “go stick his head in a pig”.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[Samsonite]

Good One!

Thanks.

[biggles]

Nice one, thanks for taking the time

[aussiechic]

Funny

[teelack]

Some god stuff there. Might try to remember Mr. Yuslas Sakkashit.

[MM]

Thanks for the current news reports with your special viewpoint!

[yorta2]

Thanks again, Mate. Always good to read.

[boxhead]

Cheers Mate, some funny stories, keep up the good work