Monkeywatch - December 2016

[monkeyman]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, a festive showaddy crap to you all, and welcome to the last of this year’s plunges into the pits of Patts.

 

The powers that be are introducing new rules requiring everyone who wants to stay in Thailand to have a minimum income of 100,000 baht per month or 3,000,000 baht in a Thai bank account. They’ve targeted the citizens of 15 counties in particular as being the ones they want to attract, including England, the United States, Australia, Japan, China and India (no, really). Well, they should have plenty of room for them after they’ve applied these rules and slung all the Thais out.

 

The Thai tourist industry has been warned by a leading bank that it can’t rest on its laurels – presumably because it doesn’t have any to rest on.

 

The Pattaya hotel that was told to demolish its illegally sited swimming pool has now been told that the hotel itself has to come down as well. Quite a tidy solution actually – they can use the rubble from the demolished hotel to fill in the swimming pool.

 

Ever heard the expression “Where do you get all this shit?” We may have found the answer…

 

 

They say that relations between the USA and Thailand have become a bit frosty of late and this will lead to a reduction of American influence in the country. Sounds good. It means that Thailand can finally tell all the whining human trafficking fantasists to fuck off – if Trump doesn’t beat them to it.

 

It’s been alleged that Thai tour operators have been taking advantage of the swarms of Chinese tourists visiting the country by ripping them off at every available opportunity. In reply, the tour operators said they were pleased that their efforts had been recognised but modestly added that they didn’t think it was fair that they should get all the credit.

 

Speaking of which, it’s now emerged that since the crackdown on so-called zero-dollars package tours, Chinese tourism has dropped by 70 per cent. So maybe the little yellow sods actually like being turned over by scam artists. Silly buggers.

 

Guess it’ll get you up Soi 3 quicker than a baht bus during the rainy season…

 

 

A slightly busier bar news this month. Amethyst on LK Metro has closed again, but the numbers are to be made up by a new Go Go on the site of the Armageddon Bar. Also just opened on LK is Champagne Coyotes in yet another attempt to give Champagne A Go Go a new neighbour that doesn’t close down before the paint dries. Moving on to Walking Street, Overmind closed (again) then reopened (again) and we are to have two completely new Walking Street Go Gos called Frog and Pacha in the next few weeks as two beer bars convert to chrome pole palaces. Christ, aren’t there enough ropey looking tarts on WS already?

The Prime Minister has made a plea to the public to help the economy by only buying Thai products. That’s the Ruskie hookers fucked then. Or not fucked, depending on how you look at it.

 

Panic broke out at the Nashaa Club in Walking Street a couple of weeks ago after a fire broke out, causing thick black smoke to spew out of the premises, closely followed by the 100 or so quality tourists who were in the place at the time. Police have not been able to establish the origin of the blaze, though if the estimated two million baht damage figure proves to be correct, it probably started in the owner’s wallet.

 

The burgers are something to write home about but the beer’s drap (think about it)…

 

 

Nostalgia time again, with a couple of snippets from the December 2006 edition of Monkeywatch…

 

“There’s been a few comments made about the Climax Bar having a guy sitting outside the bog and charging the outrageous sum of five baht before you can go in and take a leak. Guess they figure that piss taking is a two-way street. Let that be a warning unto ye.

 

Representatives from the Cambodian government have been visiting Pattaya as they plan to use the city as a model for tourism back in their country. On announcement of this news, shares in chrome pole manufacturing companies were said to have hit an all-time high.”

 

The military have started a crackdown on baht buses and motorcycles on Beach Road. Baht buses can now only use one lane of the road (probably the middle one knowing the Thais) and will only be allowed to stop at officially designated places. Anybody getting a feeling of déjà vu? Motorcycles for hire will be banned from parking in many areas and will have to be painted blue for easy identification. If they really want to clean up Beach Road they should try painting the ladyboys blue as well.

 

Finally, it’s been announced that baht bus fares will increase from the traditional 10 baht to an exorbitant 20 baht from the first day of 2017. That’s two entire nations priced out of the market then.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[MM]

Okay, I don't get it..and I did think about it for a bit It's apparently led you to say "drap" beer when the sign says "craft" beer. But I have to discount the idea that you are thinking they meant to say "draft" or "draught" beer, since "craft" beer is a common term now used in the USA (and UK, from an internet search).

 

So, I know it's no fun if you have to explain a joke, but...

 

Also, where is this place? It sounds like a good night out!

 

[tallguy]

Okay, I don't get it..and I did think about it for a bit It's apparently led you to say "drap" beer when the sign says "craft" beer. But I have to discount the idea that you are thinking they meant to say "draft" or "draught" beer, since "craft" beer is a common term now used in the USA (and UK, from an internet search).

 

So, I know it's no fun if you have to explain a joke, but...

 

Also, where is this place? It sounds like a good night out!

 

I think that Havana place is on Beach Road north of Soi 1 in front of one of the big hotels.

[MM]

I think that Havana place is on Beach Road north of Soi 1 in front of one of the big hotels.

Jazz and blues would be a very welcome change.

[forcebwithu]

Jazz and blues would be a very welcome change.

 

With apologies to monkeyman for the TF, saw on another board an announcement that Samran has signed the Inner Soul Band to play Thursday thru Sunday, 8:30 pm to 11 pm beginning on the 21st.

[tallguy]

With apologies to monkeyman for the TF, saw on another board an announcement that Samran has signed the Inner Soul Band to play Thursday thru Sunday, 8:30 pm to 11 pm beginning on the 21st.

 

According to their Facebook page Greg 'The Snowman' from the old houseband at the Blues Factory has been playing there. Edited December 16, 2016 by tallguy

[yorta2]

Thanks for ending the year with another witty post, monkeyman! As always, I enjoyed it.

[monkeyman]

Okay, I don't get it..and I did think about it for a bit It's apparently led you to say "drap" beer when the sign says "craft" beer. But I have to discount the idea that you are thinking they meant to say "draft" or "draught" beer, since "craft" beer is a common term now used in the USA (and UK, from an internet search).

 

So, I know it's no fun if you have to explain a joke, but...

 

Also, where is this place? It sounds like a good night out!

 

 

I plead guilty but insane. Never heard of craft beer so I did assume it to be a misspelling of draft. Another one bites the dust. Perhaps I should amend it to read "don't think about it." Doh.

 

Oh, and tallguy was spot on. It is indeed on Beach Road just north of Soi 1. Never been in the place but, as you say, sounds like a good night out.

Edited December 17, 2016 by monkeyman

[Basil B]

 

 

They’ve targeted the citizens of 15 counties in particular as being the ones they want to attract, including England, the United States, Australia, Japan, China and India

 

But what about the Scott's, Welsh and Irish???

[monkeyman]

 

But what about the Scott's, Welsh and Irish???

 

Strangely, not mentioned. Maybe they prefer the English because of their impeccable behaviour when they travel abroad.