All the supporters are required to put on 100lbs.There will be 20 minute advertising stoppages every 10 minutes.
Sides will be allowed to call time-out just before Rooney put's it in the net.
Take me home to the ball park, will replace You'll never walk alone.
To get their weight up, supporters are required to carry buckets of fried chicken and very large 'Coke' cups with adverts on them, especially on-camera.
The ball will be elliptical.
The centre and penalty spots will be raised up by several inches.
No more emotional hugging and kissing after scoring. Players will conform to 'Don't Ask, don't tell' doctrine.
If a game ends drawn at full time, extra innings will be played until whatever insane hour, until a result is acheived.
Stupid infantile mascots will run around the 'pitch' oops 'field' during the game annoying the spectators.
Cheer leaders will be introduced, girls in short skirts jumping around showing glimpses of gray panties..... (mmm....fair idea).
Referees ooops umpires will be required to wear stripey shirts and baseball caps.
Football boots' will be referred to as Soccer trunks.......
To improve entertainment for the short attention spanned owners there will be extra points for goals scored in a dramatic way, and a completely confusing scoring system will be introduced along with meaningless statistics.
The FA cup will now be called the World Soccer Series