BigusDicus

A man's in bed with his Thai girlfriend. After having great sex, she spends the next hour just stroking his penis, something she had lovingly done on many occassions. Rather enjoying it, he turns and asks her, "Why do you love doing that?" She replies, "Because I really miss mine."

A master of articulation he is not.

White House Breakfast Dick Cheney and George W. Bush are having breakfast at the White House. The attractive young waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and he replies, "I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit." "And what can I get for you, Mr. President?" George W. looks up from his menu and replies with his trademark wink and slight grin, "How about a quickie this morning?" ''Why, Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims. "How rude! You're starting to act like President Clinton," and then she storms away. Cheney leans over to Bush and whispers "It's pronounced 'quiche.'"

I had a wife like that come to think of it.

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. "Tony, do you have a story to share?" "Yes, ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She quickly drank the whiskey on the way down, knowing it would shatter and go to waste otherwise, then her parachute opened and she landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. "She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife 'til the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi w ith her bare hands." "Good Heavens!" said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?" "Stay the hell away from Aunt Karen when she's drinking."

This crash could have been fatal! Thank goodness the airbags deployed!!

Ya gotta see to believe! This is just too weird..... Back in the days of the Soviet Union, the Soviet Red Army had an official choir composed of male soldiers and musicians. It still exists. The Red Army Choir performs throughout Russia to this day. Now consider the Finnish rock band called The Leningrad Cowboys. A little while ago, they held a concert in Russia, in which - to the screaming applause of Russkie teen-agers - they got the Red Army Choir to join them on stage for a performance of "Sweet Home Alabama." In English. You couldn't make this up. http://www.tothepointnews.com/content/view/3114/85/

I agree. You can crop, resize, and do minor touchup. Very easy to use.

I do not normally enjoy others misfortunes - I am making an exception on this one.

I do not know if below is actually true but who would make something like this up? AUSTRALIAN BRICKLAYER'S REPORT This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board. This is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure....... Dear Sir, I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the ba rrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however,as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs. I hope this answers your inquiry. Kevin Roben Wagga Glass & Aluminium Pty Ltd PO Box 5004 ( 11 Dobney Ave ) Wagga Wagga NSW 2650

IRISH BIRTH CONTROL Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty. The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband 2 years ago?' She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.' The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?' She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.' The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.' She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father.' They then parted ways. Some years later they met again. The Father asked, 'Well now, Mrs. Donovan , how are ye these days?' She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!' The Father asked, 'And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?' & lt; BR>She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and 4 singles!, 10 in all!' The Father said, 'That's wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?' She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle.'

new musical ... watch the audience's faces

A Drover walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side. He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute. 'Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.' The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, Dropped his trousers, And placed his Johnson and related parts in the crocodile's open mouth. The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the crocodile hard on the top of its head. The croc opened his mouth And the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered, And the first of his free Drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. 'I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try.' A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A Blonde woman timidly spoke up.......... 'I'll try it - Just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!'

Excellent!

I would rather hear about a girl than a chior boy!

The great fall of China Revised GDP calculations show that Beijing isn't the giant we thought it was. By Walter Russell Mead Los Angeles Times December 30, 2007 The most important story to come out of Washington recently had nothing to do with the endless presidential campaign. And although the media largely ignored it, the story changes the world. The story's unlikely source was the staid World Bank, which published updated statistics on the economic output of 146 countries. China's economy, said the bank, is smaller than it thought. About 40% smaller. China, it turns out, isn't a $10-trillion economy on the brink of catching up with the United States. It is a $6-trillion economy, less than half our size. For the foreseeable future, China will have far less money to spend on its military and will face much deeper social and economic problems at home than experts previously believed. What happened to $4 trillion in Chinese gross domestic product? Statistics. When economists calculate a country's gross domestic product, they add up the prices of the goods and services its economy produces and get a total -- in dollars for the United States, euros for such countries as Germany and France and yuan for China. To compare countries' GDP, they typically convert each country's product into dollars. The simplest way to do this is to use exchange rates. In 2006, the World Bank calculated that China produced 21 trillion yuan worth of goods and services. Using the market exchange rate of 7.8 yuan to the dollar, the bank pegged China's GDP at $2.7 trillion. That number is too low. For one thing, like many countries, China artificially manipulates the value of its currency. For another, many goods in less developed economies such as China and Mexico are much cheaper than they are in countries such as the United States. To take these factors into account, economists compare prices from one economy to another and compute an adjusted GDP figure based on "purchasing-power parity." The idea is that a country's GDP adjusted for purchasing-power parity provides a more realistic measure of relative economic strength and of living standards than the unadjusted GDP numbers. Unfortunately, comparing hundreds and even thousands of prices in almost 150 economies all over the world is a difficult thing to do. Concerned that its purchasing-power-parity numbers were out of whack, the World Bank went back to the drawing board and, with help from such countries as India and China, reviewed the data behind its GDP adjustments. It learned that there is less difference between China's domestic prices and those in such countries as the United States than previously thought. So the new purchasing-power-parity adjustment is smaller than the old one -- and $4 trillion in Chinese GDP melts into air. The political consequences will be felt far and wide. To begin with, the U.S. will remain the world's largest economy well into the future. Given that fact, fears that China will challenge the U.S. for global political leadership seem overblown. Under the old figures, China was predicted to pass the United States as the world's largest economy in 2012. That isn't going to happen. Also, the difference in U.S. and Chinese living standards is much larger than previously thought. Average income per Chinese is less than one-tenth the U.S. level. With its people this poor, China will have a hard time raising enough revenue for the vast military buildup needed to challenge the United States. The balance of power in Asia looks more secure. Japan's economy was not affected by the World Bank revisions. China's economy has shrunk by 40% compared with Japan too. And although India's economy was downgraded by 40%, the United States, Japan and India will be more than capable of balancing China's military power in Asia for a very long time to come. But don't pop the champagne corks. It is bad news that billions of people are significantly poorer than we thought. China and India are not the only countries whose GDP has been revised downward. The World Bank figures show sub-Saharan Africa's economy to be 25% smaller. One consequence is that the ambitious campaign to reduce world poverty by 2015 through the United Nations Millennium Development Goals will surely fail. We have underestimated the size of the world's poverty problem, and we have overestimated our progress in attacking it. This is not good. There is more bad news. U.S. businesses and entrepreneurs hoping to crack the Chinese and Indian markets must come to terms with a middle class that is significantly smaller than thought. Investors in overseas stocks should take note. Companies with growth plans tied to the Indian and Chinese markets could face disappointing results, and the high prices of many emerging-market stocks depend on buzz and psychology. Investor sentiment on China and India may now be significantly more vulnerable to future bad news. China's political stability may be more fragile than thought. The country faces huge domestic challenges -- an aging population lacking any form of social security, wholesale problems in the financial system that dwarf those revealed in the U.S. sub-prime loan mess and the breakdown of its health system. These problems are as big as ever, but China has fewer resources to meet them than we thought. And there is the environment. With poor air quality, acute water shortages, massive pollution in major watersheds and many other environmental problems, China needs to make enormous investments in the environment to avoid major disasters. Globally, it will be much harder to get China -- and India -- to make any sacrifices to address problems such as global warming. For Americans, the new numbers from the World Bank bring good news and bad. On the plus side, U.S. leadership in the global system seems more secure and more likely to endure through the next generation. On the other hand, the world we are called on to lead is poorer and more troubled than we anticipated. Maybe the old Chinese curse says it best: We seem to be headed for interesting times. Walter Russell Mead, a senior fellow at the Council on Foreign Relations, is the author of "God and Gold: Britain, America and the Making of the Modern World."

The reality is China just is not all that big - yet. I posted the article below around the beginning of this year. It is an interesting read. http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/sunday...nday-commentary I apologize for my redundancy......

Might be better to use theirs first. Our is getting more and more expensive to get out of the ground.

Were we not saying this about the Japanese 20 years ago? "It's like deja vu all over again" - Yogi Berra

He has been spending money like a drunken democrat!

I certainly do agree they do spend a lot of money on nonsense. Corporate welfare? There certainly is some. In the overall scheme of things very little. War spending. While significant, once again just not that much. And the "return" (on investment) we receive is not just good, it is necessary. I am curious: Just what "other domestic programs" might we cut in your opinion? J, your ideas and aspirations are admirable. Emotional, heartfelt. I wish they could work. I do not believe they can though. PS. Agreed it is hard to feel sorry for the farmers anymore. It is primarily the large "corporate farmers" who benefit most from subsidies.

I sure hope you are right! Yes they will raise our taxes. Yours and mine. Hum, the problem with this reasoning is it overlooks the fact that historically, .85 cents of every dollar spent on entitlement programs goes towards administrative costs and overhead. Hey, for every billionaire you show me who says he doesn't pay enough taxes I will show you 10 who say they pay too much.

When is the last time anybody's taxes went down because of the democrats? You really think they will only raise taxes on the rich and not you too? For the sake of argument lets ignore how raising taxes slows the economy thus reducing the government revenue. Lets not even think about how if you tax the rich too much they move significant portions of their monies offshore to avoid those taxes resulting in less tax revenues. Forget about all that. Lets focus on the democrats. Both Clinton and Obama say they would like to implement universal healthcare. It is a mojor part of both's campaign. The costs would be tremendous. EXTRAORDINARY! It would make the Iraq War expenditures looks like small baht coins. Currently the US is headed for a train wreck with our existing entitlement programs. Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, and others currently consume over half our annual budget and are rising fast. We are struggling to find ways to pay for these programs in the future without raising taxes too much. And the democrats want to add another program that will consume huge amounts of revenue. You really think only the rich will pay more taxes and not you? If the democrats are elected they will not draw our forces down any faster than the rebublicans. Its just election hype.

Are you leaving because you think things in America are really so bad, or because of the LBFM's in Thailand?

Very good! Keep em coming.