BigusDicus

I have tested positive for a Trojan received from Pattayatalk.com. Pattayatalk.com is usually running on my Chrome browser. Have no recollection of clicking any links or downloading anything. My computer/Windows 7 runs a full scan daily. Detected item. Alert level. Date. Action taken Trojan:JS/BlacoleRef.W. Severe. 7/5/2012 7:43 PM. Quarentined Items: file:C/Users/ (redacted) /AppData/Microsoft/Windows//TemporaryInternetFiles/Low/Content.IE5/8GP3SFXE/pattayatalk_com[1].htm The IE5 is interesting...

Osama Bin Laden was living with 3 wives in one compound and didn’t leave the house for 5 years. It is now believed he called the Navy Seals himself.

Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please." Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?" Cowboy: "Nah.... She ain't that ugly."

MC, is the Internet hardwired and/or wireless? Extra charge?

Yes, the green highlights are what sets her off!

Above is very good advice Shetty. I do not know Phuket , but i know Pattaya reasonably well. I know a few other 'mongering' destinations reasonably well. None come close to Patttaya. I know a few serious 'mongers' who know many more destinations than me. Every single one agrees: Pattaya is best!

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A very practical point Sit and watch the Beach & Babes or walk around aimlessly to save a few hundred baht.

I am reminded of the line(s) from Apocalypse Now (which of course is based on Conrad's Heart of Darkness). Kurtz, mortally wounded lies on the ground bleeding, mumbles "The Horror, the Horror". There are those who speculate he was really saying, "the Whore, the Whore". Jeez, its almost 1 AM in the morning. I am drunk...............

Funny. I resemble that remark....

Square Testicles This is a joke that is supposed to bring you luck. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money. After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office. The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, '$165,000'. The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money . The elderly woman replied that she made bets. The president was surprised and asked, 'What kind of bets?' The elderly woman replied, 'Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.' The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that. The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, 'Would you like to take my bet?' 'Certainly', replied the president. 'I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.' 'Done', the elderly woman answered. 'But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 ' clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.' 'No problem', said the president of the Bank confidently. That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet. The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square. The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly. The president was happy to oblige. The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. 'Of course', said the president. 'Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure. 'The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, 'Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Royal Bank of Canada !'

An Irishman moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walks into the pub and promptly orders three beers. The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone. An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more. This happens yet again. The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a time, several times. Soon the entire town is whispering about the Man Who Orders Three Beers. Finally, a week later, the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of the town. "I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why you always order three beers?" "Tis odd, isn't it?" the man replies. "You see, I have two brothers, and one went to America, and the other to Australia . We promised each other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank as a way of keeping up the family bond." The bartender and the whole town were pleased with this answer, and soon the "Man Who Orders Three Beers" became a local celebrity and source of pride to the hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come to watch him drink. Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. The bartender pours them with a heavy heart. This continues for the rest of the evening. He orders only two beers. The word flies around town. Prayers are offered for the soul of one of the brothers. The next day, the bartender says to the man, "Folks around here, me first of all, want to offer condolences to you for the death of your brother. You know-the two beers and all." The man ponders this for a moment, then replies, "You'll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well. It's just that I, me-self, have decided to give up drinking for Lent."

A devout Arab Muslim enters a taxi; once seated he asks the cab driver to turn off the radio, because he must not hear music as decreed by his religion and, in the time of the prophet, there was no music, especially Western music which is music of the infidels and certainly no radio ........ So the cab driver politely switches off the radio, stops the cab and opens the back door. The Arab asks him: “What are you doing, man?” The cabby answers: “In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so get out and wait for a fucking camel.”

Very funny, thank you!

Can Cold Water Clean Dishes? This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using cold water to clean. John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Saskatchewan . After spending a great evening chatting the night away, The next morning John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, 'Are these plates clean?' His grandfather replied, 'They're as clean as cold water can get 'em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!' For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates, As his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, 'Are you sure these plates are clean?' Without looking up the old man said, 'I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!' Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, His grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. John yelled and said, 'Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car'. Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted, 'Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!' Meet Coldwater!

Both are very funny

1. Booze, pretty much across the board. There is some very inexpensive beer in Thailand, but the US too. The taxation rate in the US on alcoholic beverages is usually much lower than most countries. 2. A good steak. Good meat cost less in the US. And there is a strong argument that it almost impossible to get a really good steak in Pattaya. I do not know much about the rest of Thailand.

Excellent point. That is about the only way it could get better. Great video Gary. Thank you for sharing.

This is hilarious!

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said, "So why are you here?" The yellow Lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed." The black Lab said, "So what's the vet going to do?" "Gonna cut my nuts off" came the reply from the yellow Lab. "They reckon it'll calm me down." The Yellow Lab then turned to the Black Lab and asked, "Why are you here?" The Black Lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owners' couch." "So what are they going to do to you?" the Yellow Lab inquired. "Looks like I'm losing my nuts too," the dejected Black Lab said. The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked, "Why are you here? "I'm a humper", said the Great Dane. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see." Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away." The Black and the Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, it's nuts off for you too, huh?" The Great Dane said, "No, apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped."

Touche'. Great joke.

Very good. Thank you.

Twelve of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio 1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.' 2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.' 3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!' 4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.' 5. US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my god!! What have I just said?' 6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.' 7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard! 8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros is feeling great today after a 69 yesterday.' 9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on 'Look North' said: 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. ' 10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on 'Sky Sports': 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.' 11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: 'They seem cold out there. They're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.' 12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny; other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.'

Recently at an Irish wedding reception someone yelled . . . "Would all the married men, please stand next to the one person who has made their life worth living." The bartender was almost crushed to death.