PattayaPete

I always carry my laptop with me and leave it in hotel rooms. I've never had it stolen in Thailand (Italy is another story) and I have stayed at a lot of hotels. Broadband access in Pattaya is limited. A small area around Beach Rd does have DSL but it is a very small area. For the rest of town the best choice is satellite which gives you 256k down and 56k up. CSLoxinfo provide the satellite service and they have an office in Pattaya at Third Rd.

A Dozen Contests: The Diamond ogling den (Soi Diamond) will be holding its 12th dance contest on Friday 14 November, kicking off at around 9:30PM. Owner Tee decided not to hold one in October, much to the disappointment of many who seem to have come to regard these extravaganzas as part of their entertainment each month. I Love, I Love, I Love, My Calendar Girl: That old refrain from a Neil Sedaka song seems most appropriate in the countdown to the last few weeks of the year. A couple of enterprising operators have decided to bring out calendars for 2004, featuring the sorts of attractive sights for which Fun Town is justifiably famous. It was hardly a difficult task, persuading a number of Pattaya’s desirable damsels to pose, after all Thai girls and photographic equipment can be compared with vultures and carrion. The FLB lounge lizard libation room (Walking Street) has a very glossy production shot by Howard Greene and showcasing the vast array of talent employed to help relieve the stress of holidaying foreigners to Pattaya. It’s available from the FLB website (www.flbbar.com), at the boozer itself and from the Bookazine bookstores in Royal Garden, Big C and at Jomtien. The retail price is around 350 baht. As I’ve mentioned before, there is a Pattaya ogling den calendar involving a dozen of some of the better quality chrome pole palaces around town each of who supplied a dancing damsel to pose seductively and be photographed in front of the tools of her trade. The calendar was the brainchild of Tee, the owner of the Diamond ogling den (Soi Diamond). Other participating chrome pole joints were Big Willies (Soi Diamond); Carousel (Soi Diamond); Classroom (Pattayaland Soi 2); Club Electric Blue (Walking Street); Dollhouse (Walking Street); Honey (Walking Street); Living Dolls (Walking Street); Misty’s (Pattayaland Soi 2); Peppermint (Walking Street); Super Baby (Soi Diamond) and What’s Up (Soi 15, off Walking Street). This calendar is also available from Bookazine outlets as well as the DK bookshops in Soi Post Office and Central Pattaya Road (near Beach Road), and boozers such as Center Condo Café (South Pattaya Rd), OK Corral (Soi Skaw Beach), and Hideaway (Jomtien) as well as the newsstand on Second Road near Malibu Travel. It retails at 250 baht, terrific value and, not surprisingly, has been moving faster than a Royal butler being chased around a Buckingham Palace bedchamber. Oops, I Did It Again: While I’m in a musical frame of mind- or a Britney Spears fixation- I have to make amends to the management of the Goldfingers ogling den (Soi 7). I noted recently that they seemed to have closed their doors to the paying public. Well, they did, for one day only, back on 10 October, a Thai public holiday. The reality is that Goldfingers is still up and running and has managed to carve a niche for itself in the area bordered by the Beach Road and Soi 7 and Soi 8. They now open for business at 5:00PM and happy hour runs for four hours until 9:00PM with the draught amber (Carlsberg) at a mere 30 baht and Thai rotgut at the same impost. If the coming high season is in any way decent, then the Aussie-run chrome pole palace should do well. They opened their doors in probably one of the worst low seasons on record and to have survived was an impressive effort. As I said before, the management has tried a few different approaches to attract custom through the door and their efforts seem to be finally reaping the rewards. Same Name, New Style: The long-running Palladium boogie barn (Second Road, just up from Big C) had a grand re-opening on 4 November after being closed for seven days for minor refurbishment. There is no cover charge and all libations are 120 baht, which is quite reasonable when compared with similar establishments such as Tony’s (Walking Street) and X-Zyte (Third Road). The Palladium is a very big room and even if there are upwards of 300 people in the joint it can look almost empty. However, there is live music and entertainment as well as the usual disco and a clutch of around 50 attractive table dancers to keep punters amused when the stage shows are having a break. A Number One Birthday: One of the friendliest Thai bar owners in town, Khun Wun, is celebrating her 21st birthday (plus VAT and Tax) with a party in her beer boozer, the Number One Bar (in the lane between Soi 7 and Central Road), on Thursday 20 November. The usual pig will meet its maker, as will a few chickens, and salad and soup will also be available to make sure well-wishers obtain enough vitamins to party through the night. Angels are not us: Recently I also wrote that the Hooty’s ogling den (Walking Street) was going to transmogrify into a Pattaya version of the highly polished and successful Bangkok show palace Angelwitch. According to one report, this is not going to happen, and never was on the cards. I find that strange because it was Big Andy, the owner of Hooty’s, who made the point of telling me. And it wasn’t just a casual remark, he went into some detail about the plans which were then afoot. Perhaps with the Hooty’s shows proving reasonably popular, Andy has decided to pull the pin on the Angelwitch idea. Or maybe he was having a fanciful nocturnal nautical-style dream: you know the one, where you wake up with both hands on the mast and seamen running everywhere. Tweaking at the Margins: Both the Peppermint and Happy ogling dens (Walking Street) have marginally increased their happy hour prices with the start of the high season, going from 35 to 40 baht for draught amber, house liver wasters, Thai rotgut and lolly water. Hardly a reason to cease patronising either place, although I personally prefer Peppermint. The happy hours run from 8:00-9:00PM in Happy and 8:00-9:30PM in Peppermint. Both Living Dolls ogling dens (Walking Street) are still offering their libations during happy hour at 45 baht; Dollshouse (Walking Street) is probably the cheapest at 30 baht for its happy hours between 7:00 and 9:00PM and Champion (Walking Street) has draught amber at 35 baht and other thirst-quenchers at 50 baht from kick-off at 7:00PM. In Soi Diamond, Vixens happy hour extends from 8:00 until 10:00PM with draught amber nectar at 35 baht. Nine Cheap Hours: The After That beer boozer and live music venue (Soi 7) has a happy hour that stretches from midday until 9:00PM with Singha retailing at just 35 baht. A live band kicks off later in the evening and warbles through until closing. Cafée society: The Studio Cafeé, located in the Jomtien Complex on Thappraya Road has a free buffet on Friday nights with the Carlsberg amber draught going off at 35 baht a glass all night. On Friday 21 November the café will host Dave’s birthday party. Ringing the Changes: Barely a week goes by in Fun Town without a boozer opening or closing or changing hands or name, and among recent movements on the chessboard of Pattaya include: the sale and closure of the Watering Hole beer boozer (Soi Skaw Beach); the closure of the Sana noshery in the same soi (it used to sell the biggest schnitzel this side of Jomtien hill) and the closure of the Giligin’s ogling den in Pattayaland Soi 1 (although this may not necessarily be permanent). Also, following the murder of Rob Henry, the Sky Dive boozer in Soi 6 has been closed. Krathongs as far as the eye could see: This year’s Loy Krathong night (8 November) was one of the busiest I’ve ever seen in Fun Town. Traffic on Beach and Second Road’s was at a crawl for most of the evening and the pedestrian scrum on the promenade was so thick at one point I was overtaken by an octogenarian pushing a Zimmer frame. For any number of boozers this must surely have been one of their busiest nights, certainly for this year, and augurs well for the rest of the high season. Anybody new to the delights of Pattaya and thinking about investing their hard-earned in an establishment flogging booze would have been ready to sign on the dotted line well before midnight. Of course one busy night of boozing punters doesn’t make for a successful operation just as one swallow doesn’t make a short-time professional. My e-mail address is: nightmarch@hotmail.com Author of Pattaya "Patpong on steroids" No reproduction without specific reference to: nightmarch@hotmail.com

Highlight the part of the message you wish to reproduce by left click and drag then click on quote at the top right of the message. This feature is best used sparingly as it is easy enough to see previous posts.

The correct home page address is now www.pattayapages.com. freelancerbar.com is supposed to still work but should not be your main entry point.

Howard Your link is not to the gallery but to a pic on another site which does not appear to exist.

I'm not sure what is causing this and I haven't got time to sort it out at the moment. To get by, I have temporarily upgraded the gallery to a newer version. This has not been properly tested yet, but seems to work OK. Let me know how it goes.

I have disabled the signature function. Long signatures were starting to make the threads look a bit messy.

Taxis, hotels, restaurants will all be operating. Some shops will be open. Most bars will be closed.

Nial Click on "Click Here to Join the Member's Board" at the top of this page. Follow the instructions.

Pig Are you entering flying__pig or flying pig as your user name?

To access the Members Section you have to join. It's free. Details are here http://www.pattayapages.com/joinmembers.html

A shake, rattle and roll: What do you get when Crazy Dave and Nervous Dave team up? According to Crazy Dave, ‘one of the best bars in Pattaya’, that’s what. Crazy Dave, the lanky Englishman who operates a noshery and beer boozer of the same name in Soi Chaiyapoom, has teamed up with the personable Nervous Dave and to celebrate their impending dave-iousness, they are having a party on Thursday 2 October at the Nervous Wreck beer boozer (Nervous Dave’s popular operation) in Soi Yamato, commencing around 8:00PM. A free buffet will be laid on for well wishers. Disco Party: The connections associated with the popular Polo ogling den (Walking Street) have taken on the mammoth task of revitalising the Palladium late night boogie barn (Second Road, 100 metres north of Big C). To celebrate, they are holding an opening party on Friday 3 October starting from 9:00PM. Libations are normally 120 baht, but on grand opening party night they will be reduced to just 60 baht. Unlike some similar establishments, entry for foreigners is free and there is ample parking in front of the venue. A live band takes the stage from 10:30PM every night, with a host of singers and dancers to keep punters entertained and amused. Some of the more appealing damsels perform on a number of tabletops around the joint. Considering the height of their ozone depleting shoes it’s a wonder many of these lasses don’t get airsick. Still good value: The management of the Club Electric Blue ogling den (Walking Street) increased their happy hour price of liver wasters from 10 to 35 baht a few weeks ago. It still represents enormous value for the period between 7:30 and 8:30PM, but it’s also amazing how many people moan and groan about the price hike. The only place cheaper is The Dollhouse at 30 baht during happy hour. However, the see-through glass dancing floor has been covered over because the plod said, according to Big Andy, “you might be able to see up girls’ skirts.” To compensate, the dancing damsels are now adorned in the sort of attire that when removed can fit comfortably into the small change pocket of a pair of jeans. The Holy See: The former Frozen ogling den (Soi Diamond), now re-named The Sea, re-opened to the public on Friday 19 September. The new handle may be somewhat esoteric, but nothing much else has changed. On the positive side there are plenty of dancing maidens hugging the chrome poles (upwards of 30), although when not called upon to stroke the chrome they tended to form little scrums in the dark crevices of the den. Amber draught is just 55 baht. On the down side, liver wasters run to 105 baht and lolly water at 95 baht while the music is standard car alarm. Twenty percent more, for what? A Peppermint ogling den (Walking Street) regular was wondering why the bar fine remains at 600 baht for the young damsels who cavort about in what is euphemistically known as ‘pussy corner’ when, due to the current crackdown, they are probably wearing more apparel than a nun attending midnight mass. The ‘ordinary’ dancers are available for the usual 500 baht impost. Keen to Continue: One of the longest-established beer boozers and nosheries in Fun Town is the Aussie-run Jan Bar (Walking Street), now in its 13th year of operation. A great place to sit and watch the passing parade, connections have apparently signed on for another three years. Copped the Quinella: The 11th Diamond (Soi Diamond) ogling den dance contest took place on 19 September with 18 chrome pole molesters competing for the 5,000 baht first prize. Apart from the local side there were dancers from the re-opened Big Willies (Soi Diamond), Honey (Walking Street), Vixens (Soi Diamond) and What’s Up (Soi 15). The tender young things from What’s Up gave no one else a look-in as they took both first and second place. Diamond finished third while the Miss Flower contest (the audience participation part of proceedings) saw a dancer from Vixens take away the 3,000 baht prize. Ringing the Changes: The Red Cat hide-the-props-where-the-sun-don’t-shine den (Soi Diamond) has closed its doors while just across the narrow way the Tiger’s find-the-Heineken-bottle palace has metamorphosed into an as-yet un-named establishment offering the type of entertainment the peelers froth at the mouth to shut down. It’s my understanding the Marilyn’s how’d-you-get-that-up-there establishment is set to open its doors for business around 1 November. No Competition: The long-running Classroom 2000 ogling den (Soi 2) is somewhat of an oasis in north Pattaya, and as the beer boozers in the soi just get louder and louder, it’s no real surprise to see the play palace busy every night. Draught amber fluid (small glass) is 69 baht and although the place runs about 40 or more dancers, most appeared to be hardened, but generally friendly, veterans of the art of the chrome pole. Sacre Bleu: Man-about-town Gargantuan Gary recommended a new French munching den named Chez Georges on Third Road. The noshery has a three-course set menu, with a choice of five or so starters, a brace of mains (fish, chicken, pork and beef) and about six desserts for 290 baht. The place is neat and clean, the grub excellent and filling, and the staff friendly and efficient. A bottle of the house grape is 380 baht; a glass of white is 70 baht, while a glass of red is 80 baht. Although it’s only been open for a couple of months, business is deservedly brisk. My e-mail address is: nightmarch@hotmail.com Author of Pattaya "Patpong on steroids" No reproduction without specific reference to: nightmarch@hotmail.com

Talk about short-lived: The Lolipop ogling den and the two beer boozers that flanked its entrance and constituted the Zebra Plaza in Soi 2 are no more. After being refurbished and kitted out just a few months ago, Lolipop never quite made it to first base and now the whole shooting match has been demolished. No doubt some form of boozatorium will rise like a Phoenix from the ashes. Do Zebra’s ever change their spots? Where’s Wally? According to sources, it appears as though ‘Alan Ladd’, the main man behind the Living Dolls pair of ogling dens (Walking Street), has been junketing around Hong Kong trying to off-load a pocketful of India rupees. What a Thailand chrome pole palace operator from Australia is doing in Hong Kong with a bundle of Indian rupees has led to some interesting rumours, but his absence from the firing line isn’t making Captain Picard’s task any easier, although a new meeter and greeter has signed on at the original version of Living Dolls. Legs Eleven: The 11th Diamond ogling den (Soi Diamond) dance contest takes place on Friday evening 19 September, commencing around 9:30PM. The winner takes home 5,000 baht and another 8,000 baht is distributed in other prizes. The chrome pole palace will be holding a wet-T-shirt contest the following Friday, 26 September, also timed to spray off at around 9:30PM. Still good value: The management of the Club Electric Blue ogling den (Walking Street) have increased the happy hour price of liver wasters from 10 to 35 baht. It still represents enormous value for the period between 7:30 and 8:30PM, but it’s also amazing how many people moan and groan about the price hike. The only place cheaper is The Dollhouse at 30 baht during happy hour. First In, Best Dressed: The new Simon Centre Drinking Street (opposite Tiffany’s Show on Second Road in north Pattaya) is already partially up and running with the first of a planned 44 beer boozers to hang out a shingle being the Dao Kai. Regular beer boozer aficionados may be aware of the original and long-running Dao Kai boozer in the cluster of bars near the start of Soi 9 on Second Road. There is also a second version in Soi Skaw Beach (near the Made in Thailand Centre) that also has rooms for rent. Ready to be Revamped: The people involved with the failed Pattaya Fight Night Complex (aka Pattaya Shopping Plaza; Second Road) are making another attempt to bring business into the area by knocking down the walls of the failed shops and, so I’m led to believe, turning the whole shebang into, you guessed it, a collection of beer boozers. Undrinkable: As regular readers may well have worked out by now, I’m not much of an amber fluid guzzler, preferring liver wasters and, I confess, lolly water. However, a couple of acquaintances who do like to pour amber liquid down their throats claim the free ‘first glass of Tony’s beer’ offer by the heavily-patronised Tony’s Entertainment Complex (Walking Street) is actually a liquid masquerading as beer. One unkindly referred to the substance as similar to the emission of the urinary tract. There again, with a marketing ploy offering your first drink free, surely no-one expects to be guzzling on the amber equivalent of Dom Perignon. That said, the all-you-can-eat buffet at 99 baht represents good value and Tony has been smart enough to offer a 30 baht Thai dish for those foreigners accompanied by local lasses who may be watching their figure or don’t eat foreign food. My e-mail address is: nightmarch@hotmail.com Author of Pattaya "Patpong on steroids"

Daeng me if it ain’t a party: The connections of the Spicy Girls ogling den (Pattayaland Soi 1) are holding a birthday party for Daeng, partner Ewan’s long-suffering trouble and strife on Wednesday, 10 September. The fun kicks off around 7:00PM with a spit on a pig and other nosh, all of which can be washed down with copious amounts of booze. Balloon chasers stay in your cardboard boxes and kennels. OK, and another one: Yet another trouble and strife will be celebrating her birthday, this time Malee, Denis The Menace’s better half, in the OK Corral (Soi Skaw Beach) on Thursday, 11 September. The festivities commence around 8:30PM with a free buffet. More quality tourists need to be encouraged: One of the local newspapers reported an incident involving Chinese tourists who were happily engaged in watching a slap and tickle show in the north of Fun Town when members of Pattaya’s finest raided the place. The Chinese, who had apparently parted with 1,000 baht a head to watch the sort of proceedings that result in babies, took umbrage at the intrusion of the police and began to shout abuse and throw the odd object at the men in brown. The fracas also spread to members of the media who had accompanied the police and were filming and photographing proceedings. It seems these quality tourists, the very types being feted and courted by the elected representatives in their Bangkok ivory towers, are very shy when it comes to posing for the camera. I suppose it would be bad feng shui if Mrs Me Ring Wong back in Whoflungdung spotted her precious My Dong Wong engaging in a little more cultural exchange than she expected. Personally, I feel the biggest blight on the landscape is the north Asian ‘quality’ tourists. First, they arrive on pre-paid package tours (therefore the bulk of their spending has been done outside Thailand) and most get around the city in huge, diesel-belching tour buses that choke the city streets and add to the traffic snarls. Second, when they are released for five minutes from their air-conditioned confinement, they wander like flocks of lobotomised geese through shopping malls and around the streets, rarely stopping to purchase much more than an ice cream. Many stallholders in places like Mike Department Store are contemptuous of them because they just don’t spend any money at the grass roots level, unlike poor quality tourists from places like Europe. Third, they are unlikely to be repeat visitors, although I must admit the market is huge and practically inexhaustible. About the only ‘quality’ I can discern is that they don’t complain about two-tiered pricing, traffic delays and poor roads. After the incident related above, perhaps tour operators will have to vet these tourists for quality. An arresting development: I’m told that foreigners are being offered up to 5,000 baht to pose as customers in ogling dens and take secret happy snaps of dancing damsels flaunting their most comely assets in public so that waiting peelers can then pounce on the joint and cart the criminals away and close the offending establishment for 30 days or more. What intrigues me is that most foreign visitors to Pattaya come from countries where it is possible involuntarily to view more female flesh on display on the beach and sometimes in the parks and gardens of their home cities and towns in the height of summer than in a play palace where entry is voluntary. As an expat Australian, the beaches of my hometown of Sydney are a great place to observe the fine contours of the female form, although the last time I wandered near Bondi beach I kept expecting Greenpeace volunteers to turn up and start trying to push many of the sun worshippers back into the sea in the mistaken belief they were beached whales. I find it incredible that any foreigner would be willing to play the role of a Judas and engage in such perfidious conduct for a mere 30 pieces of silver. No need to say ‘cheese’: Recently I wrote a piece concerning a Sierra Tango boozer in Soi 6 that had, and I quote, ‘allegedly installed hidden cameras in its upstairs hide-the-salami rooms. From what I was told, the lay-back-and-think-of-somtam girls are not aware they are being Eastman-ed: ‘smile, honey, it’s another Kodak moment.’ If they were, I doubt many of the gang would be keen to continue offering their horizontal folk dancing skills in the boozer. ‘Given the incredible advances in photographic technology, the chances are that this is not the only place in town operating in such a fashion. The question is whether the reason for installing such devices is to merely enjoy a vicarious thrill or two, or more sinister motives such as blackmailing people who wouldn’t like it known that they are playing away from home. It’s a long way from looking through the keyhole.’ The dine and dash establishment in question was Gang’s Pub and the connections of the joint (prominent businessman Tom Rossetti of the Pattaya Accommodation Guide/SKAL Club and his partner Wolfgang Munda) contacted me recently to vehemently deny that they would engage in such nefarious activities. The original information came to me via a person known to both Tom and Wolfgang and who had been given a guided tour of the premises where, he claimed, he was taken into their office and shown the cameras in operation. They readily admit to having security cameras installed to view what’s happening outside their premises as well as a couple scanning the interior bar area. Hardly a hanging offence. I can only assume that the person who made the original assertion was either (a) misled, or mistakenly believed the cameras were trained on the hide-the-salami rooms or ( had a hidden agenda aimed at damaging the business of Gang’s Pub and the principals involved for personal reasons. Plenty of parking for the elephants: The Old Speckled Hen might sound like Scots-speak for some form of socially disreputable disease contracted in a house of ill repute, but in fact it’s a snazzy new boozer, noshery and sleeping den situated in Soi 9, off Jomtien Beach Road. Run by the personable and intelligent Elephant Man and Pon, whose Hash House Harrier name just happens to be ‘Old Speckled Hen’ (let me say she looks nothing like a freckled chook) and for whom the establishment is thus named, it’s a nice, quiet place to relax away from the madding crowd. There are a couple of rooms to rent, and not by the hour either; the menu is basic, but there’s something for everyone, and there are no ladies looking to be taken out: this is a place to bring your wife or girlfriend (or both, if you can get away with it). They open for business at 10:30AM and plug away until late and on any Sunday, you can bring your Isaan sweetheart in and she can gorge herself on somtam free of charge. For soccer followers, during the broadcast of live English Premiership soccer matches, Singha, Chang and Carlsberg draught amber nectar is just 30 baht. But unfortunately the nectar after which the boozer is named is not yet available. The Elephant Man, along with a number of like-minded souls, is attempting to establish a group of motorbike enthusiasts (all-inclusive, not just Harley aficionados) who want to go on excursions (sounds a bit like school) and forays into the countryside around Pattaya with their wives and or girlfriends. Anyone interested should wander down to the Old Speckled Hen and have a chat, just ask for the sad West Ham supporter. The buffalo’s off: More often than not, truth is stranger than fiction. Most of us have joked about bargirls telling their gullible foreign boyfriends tales of woe involving accidents and illnesses to sundry family members and livestock, particularly the precious water buffalo. One man related the story of how his girlfriend had mentioned that her family buffalo was feeling poorly and she needed funds to get the vet in and fix the animal. Not being the type who came down in the last baht bus, he asked to go and check out the piteous quadruped for himself. Together they travelled back to her home village where the cud-chewing, methane gas emitting bovine was indeed looking down in the mouth. Satisfied, he handed over a couple of thousand baht so that the buffalo doctor could restore the family’s pride and joy to full health. My e-mail address is: nightmarch@hotmail.com Author of Pattaya "Patpong on steroids" No reproduction without specific reference to: nightmarch@hotmail.com

‘Here we go round the mulberry bush’…again: Pardon me if I stifle a yawn, but in case you missed it, the deputy Interior Minister Preacher Malcontent has assumed the missionary position and instituted a nation-wide crackdown on what he termed ‘lewd shows’ and ‘striptease’ (a somewhat anachronistic term these days). Preacher has said the dens of iniquity promoting these shows will face a ‘relentless’ three-month clampdown (shades of the war on drugs perhaps?) and claimed the forces of righteousness would receive aid from a few lickspittle foreigners who would report on indecent shows and other nefarious activities to the plod. The crackdown is definitely serious, as the dancing damsels in Super Baby and Super Girl ogling dens (Soi Diamond) were covering their best assets when last I wandered in. If there are two places in a position to defy any sort of clampdown, it is those; so, the fact they’re not overexposed indicates the bludgeon has been well and truly wielded. In bellicose language, the minister stated he didn’t care if tourism was effected as the people who frequented these sorts of establishments were the kinds he didn’t want in Thailand, they were low-quality and, “they spend little money and look down on Thai women and Thai people,” he frothily contended. Tell that to the thousands of starry-eyed men sending bucketloads of cash to feed the bank accounts of their avaricious girlfriends (‘but she’s different’); tell that to the hundreds of expat residents who’ve invested sizeable chunks of the folding stuff in houses, condos, motor vehicles, motorbikes and small to medium business ventures in the Kingdom. Of course, reading between the lines, what Preacher Malcontent really means is that he doesn’t want people here who spend their money at the grass roots level, because the moolah won’t wind up in the pockets of big business but instead goes into the impoverished countryside. Into double figures: The Diamond ogling den (Soi Diamond) will be conducting its 10th dance contest on Friday night 22 August, commencing at around 9:30PM. Entry is 200 baht (for males; free for the distaff side of the species), with the first libation free. These competitions having been drawing more and more spectators, but with the new crackdown in place it will be interesting to see how far the chrome pole molesters are allowed to go in the race for the 5,000 baht first prize. Surely you jest: The Jesters ‘Care for Kids’ Charity Fair will be held on Sunday 14 September, with the sixth Charity Bike Ride taking place earlier in the day. Between them, these events raise a lot of money for the underprivileged children of Pattaya and the day helps foster a sense of camaraderie within the multinational community of expats. A lot of people devote countless hours to making the event a success, but three men in particular stand out: ‘Woody’ Underwood, the boss of the Tahitian Queen ogling den (Beach Road); Mike Franklin, known as ‘Mr Golf’ in Pattaya; and Kim Fletcher, the ebullient mine host in the Shenanigans lounge lizard libation room and nosh-house (Second Road). It’s a great day out and the money you spend goes to a worthy cause. Shout just a little bit louder please: Although there are a number of genuine contenders, I believe the award for the noisiest clutch of beer boozers has to go to the small group towards the Second Road end of Soi Diana. The majority of the bar owners must surely be deaf as the cacophony emanating from the banks of speakers in most of the boozers makes parts of Soi 8 sound positively funereal. I know the owner of the Goanna boozer has tried to obtain the co-operation of other operators and link the music so that just one sound issues forth, but his pleas have fallen on deaf ears. Psst…fancy buying into a bar? This year has been a really tough one for many businesses in Fun Town, and as low season begins to bite the usual raft of beer boozers, ogling dens, and nosheries begin to appear in the classified section of the various newspapers and magazines. I noticed a large advertisement for the Zebra entertainment plaza (Soi 2), offering two beer boozers and a ‘large a-go-go’: the misspelt Lolipop. It didn’t last long as a going concern, although internal problems were certainly a major factor in its demise. Although the Zebra plaza is well placed, for some reason it’s never taken off and has had more facelifts than Elizabeth Taylor. Just around the corner, on Second Road, the Elvis Pub is up for grabs, although I imagine anybody forking out the readies would be looking to revamp the operation as I don’t think ‘Elvis’ (aka Ritchie Newton) comes as part of the package. What’s really fascinating is that there are people placing ads looking to buy into boozers. Hope springs eternal, and there will always be those who think they can turn a sow’s ear into a silk purse. My e-mail address is: nightmarch@hotmail.com Author of Pattaya "Patpong on steroids" No reproduction without specific reference to: nightmarch@hotmail.com

No problem to change Kiwi$ at exchange booths and banks. You will not be able to use them directly at bars or shops.

We've been getting a little over polled this last two weeks so I have disabled them. They will return to normal in a week or so.

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It’s my party: Linda, the woman who wears the pants in Crazy Daves munching den and beer boozer (Soi Chaiyapoom), will be celebrating her birthday with a party in the joint on Wednesday evening 13 August. Kicking off around 8:00PM, there will be a free buffet and free whisky shots all night. A fine half-century: On Tuesday night, 19 August the Lek eclectic music beer boozer (Soi 7) will be celebrating the birthday of its namesake with a party from 7:00PM onwards. Oscar Wilde wrote, ‘No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating.’ However, the feisty Lek is quite happy to let people know she’s made it to 50, and is justifiably famous for her beef stew, ample portions of which will be freely available at the boozer on party night. Tarting right up: The Spicy Girls Too ogling den (Pattayaland Soi 1) held a birthday party for bar regular John on Monday night 4 August, and apart from the usual free grub, one of the highlights was an impromptu cameo singing performance by the owner of the Park Lane beer boozer, located opposite Caesar’s Palace on Second Road. Grafting Gary, who now owns Spicy Girls Too outright, has worked hard in his time here to improve his operation, and it seems to be paying off. He probably has a clutch of some of the best-looking chrome pole molesters away from the top-ranked dens of Walking Street, and most are reasonably friendly; his music features a good variety of material from across the board, and it’s not too loud; and happy hour (between opening at 4:00PM through until 8:00PM) libations at 60 baht for draught amber, house liver wasters and Thai rotgut make it worthwhile dropping in for a look. Outside of happy hour, the best deal is on the draught amber nectar at 65 baht while liver wasters increase to 95 baht. Welcome to the bat cave: The Far East Rock ogling den (Soi Post Office) closed its doors at the end of 2002, but re-opened in the middle of July. Nothing has really changed: the interior is quite dark (ala Tahitian Queen), as it always was, there are around 15 or so dancing damsels employed to caress the chrome poles and the music is reasonable and not too loud. The dancing maidens are reasonably friendly, as they really have to be, this far off the beaten track. Most libations retail at around 85 baht, although in happy hour (from opening at 1:00PM-2:00PM and again between 7:00PM and 9:00PM) these drop to 70 baht. Carlsberg draught amber fluid is 45 baht while, strangely, lolly water is 80 baht, the same price as lady drinks. The logo for the den is one of the more alluring in town and the sign out the front is probably the best thing about the place. One hell of a pissoir: Down past the crutch of Sierra Tango boozers on Soi Post Office, toward Second Road, is the long-running Hot and Cold ogling den. A relatively early opener, it kicks off around 4:00PM, is as dark inside as Far East Rock and Tahitian Queen, but most of its liquid refreshments are billed out between 60 and 80 baht. The dancing troupe are a friendly lot, offering inducements for a lie down in the comfortable upstairs facilities and lady drinks are 80 baht. However, probably the most impressive part of the den is the small and intimate lavatory. It has to be one of the sweetest smelling conveniences in Fun Town and gives new meaning to the term eau de toilette. Gearing up for double figures: The ninth Diamond (Soi Diamond) ogling den dance contest, held on Thursday (I made the mistake of writing Friday in a previous column) 31 July, was probably the most successful yet with a packed house almost from the start of proceedings. A total of 18 dancing maidens, representing six ogling dens, strutted their stuff in a series of rounds and the scores from the judges indicated that any one of eight chrome pole molesters could have annexed the 5,000 baht first prize. Apart from Diamond, dancers from Big Willies, Vixens (both in Soi Diamond), Honey (Walking Street), What’s Up (Soi 15, off Walking Street) and Classroom (Pattayaland Soi 2), competed. At the finish, Khun Nok from What’s Up took first place, narrowly ahead of one of the dancers from Vixens with What’s Up also taking third spot. Considering it was the first time Vixens has competed, the effort of their two dancers to reach the final six was commendable. In the Miss Flower competition, decided by the number of flowers purchased by punters in the bar, Khun Gon from Diamond narrowly defeated one of the dancers from Classroom. Between the first and second round’s there was the now customary fashion show, the glad rags for this one being supplied by the highly-regarded and long-running Naklua-based Boutique Sexy. The 10th contest will be held on Friday (I checked), 22 August with kick-off around 9:30PM. Twinkle, twinkle, little Star: My spies tell me the Stars munching den and knockout view boozatorium, located on the top floor of the Pattaya Hill Resort (Pratamnak Road), has changed hands. According to my sources, the new owner is a professional short-order cook from Switzerland who plans to revamp the menu and reduce prices in an effort to attract a wider customer base. Gone, it is to be hoped, will be the 50 baht surcharge for unordered water as well as the incredibly overpriced Thai menu that saw most dishes retailing at around 190 baht. The reality of a place such as Stars is that most of its business will be from local expats, and therefore while the ambience and the view are first-rate, prices have to reflect the current market. If the new management intends to supply fine cuisine, might I humbly suggest they take a leaf from successful operations such as Mata Hari (Second Road, just down from Soi 8 ) and Paradise Café (Second Road, opposite Royal Garden) to see what it takes to really make a consistent impact in Fun Town. Bunch of wankers: According to a report due to be published in the British Journal of Urology, a group of Australian researchers claim your chances of getting prostate cancer can be significantly reduced if you’ve ‘…ejaculated daily during your 20s…’ A Professor Giles was quoted as saying, “The prostate gland is…an organ destined to secrete a fluid. It occurred to us that, if the seminal fluid is not flushed out of the ducts sufficiently, then chemical changes may occur which may in due course lead to an increased risk of cancer.” So, although the Pope claims if you don’t stop it, you’ll go blind, at least your prostate will continue to function normally. So, the next time someone calls you a “wanker” or a “tosser”, don’t get angry, just say “thank you” and be comforted by the knowledge that the man who made this rude remark will have his prostate seize up like a rusty carburettor. My e-mail address is: nightmarch@hotmail.com Author of Pattaya "Patpong on steroids" No reproduction without specific reference to: nightmarch@hotmail.com

I'm not sure about this but I would expect it to be a browser problem on the offending computer. It never happens to me so I doubt it's the board software. These pages do not exist as real web pages. They are generated just for the viewer each time a link is clicked on. When you press the back button you are going back to a page which does not exist except in your own computers cache. If your cache is not holding the page then it will not be accessible. If you use the navigation links at the top of the forum it will not happen as a new page is generated when you click a link. Not very helpful I'm afraid but its all I can think of.

Sorry guys but the software does not have the ability to do this.

I didn't change it and you are not showing as a member. Are you sure you don't have another user id? I forced a general log out the other day so everone has had to log in again.

But I don't want to be President, I want to be dictator [smiley=grins-jump.gif]

Twistgrip Sure - see you then.

What do all of the following places have in common? Bamboo Bar, Blues Factory, Hard Rock Café, Hopf House, Lucifer’s and Tony’s. Apart from providing live entertainment, they are about the only places catering to couples as well as single men out on the prowl. Apart from the Bamboo lounge lizard libation room (which my friends and I refer to as the Pattaya R.S.L.; substitute Working Men’s Club if you are English), they are all expensive places in which to drink and dine, by comparison with most ogling dens and a number of specialist munching palaces. I recently went into the Blues Factory (Soi Lucky Star, off Walking Street) on a late Friday evening and the joint was packed. The vibe was excellent with the band kickin’ butt. As a typical impecunious journalist (editor, kindly take note), drinking copious quantities of anything containing even a whiff of alcohol was beyond the scope of my budget with bottled amber and liver wasters at 125 baht. Lolly water is flogged off at 95 baht. Happy hour now consists of draught amber at 60 baht before 10:00PM. Nevertheless, I personally rate the joint a country mile in front of any other joint aiming at the ‘couples’ market. On the main thoroughfare of Walking Street, the Lucifer’s late night boogie barn is also doing good business. Formerly known as Diablo, the house band in the bar at the front of the shack is not as slick as the mob in the Blues Factory, but they still manage to get the place up and running. Libations run to 120 baht for bottled amber nectar and liver wasters, although some lolly water concoctions are reasonable at 50 baht. Ten gallons or more: The Spicy Girls ogling den (Pattayaland Soi 1) will be holding a birthday party for a regular customer who goes by the ‘handle’ of Texas Nick on Monday 28 July, kicking off at 7:00PM. The usual forlorn pig will be sacrificed, friends and regular customers are welcome; balloon chasers, according to the message I received ‘will be shot.’ One down, more to come: The Lek eclectic beer boozer (Soi 7) will be celebrating its first anniversary at its new premises with a party on Friday 1 August. The usual free buffet will be provided, including Lek’s well-known and filling beef stew. A dozen reasons to visit: The Polo showtime ogling den (Walking Street) is continuing to present its quite polished series of 12 vignettes, which take around an hour for each cycle, from opening at 8:00PM until 2:00AM closing. The cameos feature props such as parasols, wedding veils, inflated rubber mattresses, flower garlands, wooden chairs and masks while body paint, fire-eating, and Heineken bottles also add to the variety. Happy hour prices, with most libations around 60 baht, apply until 10:00PM and then the impost climbs to 120 baht. Definitely a place to put on the agenda if you happen to be showing people from out of town around Fun Town, unless it’s a maiden aunt or a member of a religious order. Come back Chubby Checker: After closing its doors for far longer than originally expected, the Peppermint ogling den (Walking Street) re-opened its doors to the paying public on Saturday night 19 July. Tossed off: Big Andy, the Club Electric Blue ogling den (Walking Street) supremo, has a new gimmick designed to appeal to the gambler in us all. If you happen to have found the next true love of your life caressing a chrome pole in his establishment and she has consented to accompany you for a test run, it is possible to offset the impost of the 500 baht bar fine by ‘tossing the boss’. Now before you start thinking Andy’s turned a little queer and is looking to get his jollies via someone else’s helping hands, the concept simply gives punters a chance to walk out the door hand-in-hand with their dancing damsel without coughing up the bar fine. All that’s involved is the toss of a coin and a correct call of ‘heads’ or ‘tails’. The catch is that if you lose you pay double: 1,000 baht instead of 500. That’s how Andy gets off! My e-mail address is: nightmarch@hotmail.com Author of Pattaya "Patpong on steroids"