DAYS IN THE LIFE OF A PATTAYA HOTEL OWNER

[wacmedia 277]

Hi,

 

The French are OK when you get to know them. This guy seems to have some issues but often they are not great travellers as , like the Thais they think their country/ways are the best. Mind you the food, drink and girls aint bad in France either IMO.

[cookie 1]

ISSUE 6…..

 

Well first of all thanks to those board members who have stopped by to say hello over the last few weeks. I am not quite sure what you thought you were going to find although feel sure you were expecting to walk into some degree of mayhem and carnage. You were all probably disappointed that I was not rolling around on the floor fighting a member of staff; blue in face with rage at a customer; covered from head to toe in enamel paint or involved in some way in any of the other tales you have read over the last month.

 

It is not like that ALL of the time. That would see me ending it all one way or the other fairly promptly. You usually get one, sometimes two, incidents a week that are worthy of note and they tend to last only a short time – a mere blink of an eye in the greater scheme of things. Can you imagine if I was firing staff or shouting at customers or spilling paint down the plugholes all day every day??

 

Most of the time everything here works like clockwork. Not quite as smooth as clocks from Switzerland I grant you, more your, say, Nigerian timepiece, but clockwork nonetheless. Now having said this I am getting concerned about Nigerian’s and in particular upsetting Nigerian clockmakers, how many potential Nigerian clockmakers am I now going to lose as future customers? It is just an example to illustrate a point guys, I mean nothing by it, and likely some of my best friends would have been Nigerian clockmakers had I ever met any!

 

All in all this has been a peaceful, in the uneventful sense, few days. OK there was one 03:30 incident when a TGF got ever so slightly miffed when her farang turned up with another lady and made the merest suggestion of a manage-a-trois. It appears to me that is was only because she was a little overwhelmed by the thought that she raised her voice an octave or two higher than prudent and I am sure it was just the wind that caused the room door to slam….. seven times! I am also convinced that the death threats she issued that resulted in said farang vacating the hotel 24 hours early were the merest of playful retorts and the two Katoeys who returned several hours later with her were only there as her way of making things up with an alternative sexual get together. Don’t you just love this place?

 

Now I received a room booking for next July for 'Axle' and his pal 'Phirip'. A delightful enquiry it was too; well written, friendly and humorous – I had already decided these were going to be customers I looked forward to meeting with eager anticipation. Booking seven or eight months ahead as well showed planning and you could just see from the words that these guys could not wait for the time to pass before their return to the LOS. I duly issued my reply and the next morning the booking was confirmed for both rooms. Axle ADMITTED that he had inadvertently sent his reply message for me to himself which really made me laugh first thing in the morning and set me up well for that day. Axle is Irish.

 

By the way I keep to my word and as stated in the pre-amble to my very first issue people’s names are changed for their own protection - now be fair I NEVER EVER said by how much they would be changed did I? And before all of the Irish start jumping down on me from a great height I am part Irish myself which may well explain a lot!!

 

The Diary will go on holiday for a couple of weeks in early December. I have my best mate arriving from the U.S. and we will spend a couple of days in Bangkok before taking a trip up to Udonthani and Nong Kai before heading back to Pattaya. My pal, Peter, whose name I am not changing because, well, he’s my pal and I doubt I could ever be as rude about him as he is about me, hates Pattaya. Fine, it is not everyone’s cuppa and the fact that this will be his third trip here from Baltimore in 12 months merely shows his great affection for yours truly rather than for the bawdiness of Pattaya doesn’t it?

 

Oh yes, the French customer from Issue 5. Well he went home a day or so ago. He actually embraced me before departing, gave me his e-mail address, took away several of our cards and brochures to give to friends, made a booking for March 2007 and lodged a deposit. Funny how things so often turn out right in the end isn’t it? It must be my charm!!!

 

PS to 'Axle' - if you read this as I am sure you will and decide to post my "admission" as your revenge then I will merely be getting what I am sure I deserve - Looking forward to your visit though and the penciled in night out with you guys!!!!!

 

TO BE CONTINUED…………

Edited November 18, 2006 by cookie

[glynbuk 29]

thanks for your continued posts and that thai girl and the two ladyboys sounds as if it could have been fun for you

 

 

good that the frenchman settled down

 

 

Cheers

[alexist 12]

That Axle sounds like a right plonker!

Now where did i put that diary?

 

I'd better apologise to him cos it looks like he's booked in at the same time I'll be there!

[cookie 1]

ISSUE 7……

 

Quite a week for me this one has been but not really along the lines I had planned.

 

My French connection took an unexpected turn with us at one point having 9 French guests staying at the hotel!! This included four guys who were the most charming of customers; they stayed for a week and booked for a further five days after their short trip to Phuket and are now booking 10 rooms from late July to late August next year!! How I love the French…..always have!!

 

Given that the hotel was full and everything was running AOK I decided to take a day off and attend to the garden at home. Now I am really no gardener – give me slabs of concrete and piles of bricks, tall buildings, office blocks all of that at any time in preference to grass, fields and all that fresh air. Anyway the grass was getting up towards jungle proportions and I feared losing one of the kids out there so it was time to attend to matters.

 

Armed with a new lawnmower and strimmer I set about my task. I worked through the heat of the day and was delighted to have a swimming pool to jump into to cool myself down on a regular basis. Eventually night fell and it was too dark to continue so I packed everything away in our outhouse.

 

Now the step down from the outhouse is a little steeper than the normal sized step. I completely forgot this and stepped out into the darkness hitting terra firma with a loud thud and to sound of cracking bone. The next days visit to Bangkok Pattaya hospital revealed a broken foot, sprained ankle and ligament damage.

 

The doc seems to think I will be able to walk around normally from next week which is a relief as I have my impending trip to Bangkok and beyond due to commence on 4th December. Perhaps Mrs. Boss will permit me a trip to Nana Plaza to get a TOE JOB!!

 

On the every cloud note it means that not only do I get out of the gardening for a while but that the insurance pay out is slightly higher than my annual premium so I make a profit on the deal!! As for the kids, well I will buy them a whistle and some flares should they be unable to reconnoiter their way back to the house.

 

My pain is hardly being eased by the cricket as the Aussies are well in control after the first couple of days play in the first Ashes Test. Good for business I suppose though as the café is full from very early morning with bleary eyed guys glued to the television and dripping egg down their shirt fronts. Strange how something that is on for 6 hours a day and over five days makes us afraid to avert our eyes for 5 seconds lest with miss something!!

 

To my American readers I simply will say…..Baseball and Cricket - same same but different. This reminds me of 4 year old telling me off a couple of days back for saying “same same but different” – “you mean similar don’t you” he tells me!! Actually when told by Mrs. Boss of my fall his response was “He dead or not?” – that’s my boy, straight to the point!!

 

Oh well, back to hobbling around and failing miserably to get any sympathy.

 

TO BE CONTINUED…….

[Braveheart 0]

Sorry for your pain cookie, but you do make me laugh. Let us know how you make out with the 'toe job' at Nana.

[Cennn3 0]

I hope you get better soon. Keep up the diary it is a great insight.

[Sailfast 503]

LMAO

 

Sailfast

[Montydog 135]

Cookie, good funny posts, popped into the café while in Pattaya a couple of times last week nice food good prices (especially the 70thb special menu). Just one suggestion can you make the ketchup and chilli sauce bottles a little easier to distinguish for those of us with hangovers? Scrambled eggs have never be so lively !

[cookie 1]

Cookie, good funny posts, popped into the café while in Pattaya a couple of times last week nice food good prices (especially the 70thb special menu). Just one suggestion can you make the ketchup and chilli sauce bottles a little easier to distinguish for those of us with hangovers? Scrambled eggs have never be so lively !

 

You have got to be joking - I do not get many pleasures in life and you want me to do away with one of them!!!!! I actually put Worcestershire Sauce and Tabasco on my scrambled eggs so maybe one day you would like to swap!!

[blacknight 5]

Hi Cookie/Basil your diary is superb and well worth reading.

 

I wish to enquire about your penthouse, is it finished yet and if not do you have any idea of when it will be. I have looked at your website and wonder if the prices quoted are pre modernisation or will they stand when it is completed and available?

 

I am over then end of next month and am staying just round the corner so I plan on popping in to view your establishment.

 

Cheers

 

Graham

[cookie 1]

Hi Cookie/Basil your diary is superb and well worth reading.

 

I wish to enquire about your penthouse, is it finished yet and if not do you have any idea of when it will be. I have looked at your website and wonder if the prices quoted are pre modernisation or will they stand when it is completed and available?

 

I am over then end of next month and am staying just round the corner so I plan on popping in to view your establishment.

 

Cheers

 

Graham

 

Graham flattery gets you everywhere especially with someone as egocentric as I!!!!

 

The Penthouse is finished in terms of works and redecoration and the prices are for post modernisation. We have been out today and purchased some new pictures, new pillows, a DVD and microwave for the Penthouse and are off soon to get a couple of beach beds for the terrace. I want to do the pictures when everything is in place so hopefully over the weekend before I head off up north for a few days on Sunday - if not then as soon as I return which is 9th December. We have a couple of minor bits to sort out but these will be finished prior to the first guest for the Penthouse arriving in early December.

 

I look forward to seeing you towards end of December and you will be most welcome to visit and have a look around although what I will be able to show you in terms of rooms is debatable as we are fully booked -I am sure we can sort something out though!!

 

All the best,

Kevin

[love4fun 0]

Kevin,

 

It's great reading your reports and updates...I like your writing style and the amusing way you make light of the situation after the fact. I think I saw pictures of the rooms when I was searching about a month ago and went elsewhere...but with the added personality that you bring to the place after following your updates, I'll be sure to stop by when I'm in town for the holidays and check it out.

 

Thanks so much!

[cookie 1]

ISSUE 8…….

 

Well I am away on my trip to Bangkok and beyond on Sunday so you will not be hearing from me for a short while. Mrs. Boss is always pleased to see me go away and says the break is good for me and the savings on body bags makes my absence cost efficient!!

 

There is no doubting the need to get away from Pattaya on a fairly regular basis, it is a completely false world and even Bangkok offers up comparative normality. I get into my suite in the Landmark, don the complimentary bathrobe, order far too much food from room service and crash out in front of the TV watching a PPV movie like some beached whale – not that I have ever seen a beached whale watching TV but a fair resemblance it would be I dare say. Evening time I will waddle down to Huntsman’s pub in the Landmark basement to watch the football and do my damndest to avoid a trip to Nana Plaza knowing that I have to be up bright and early for my pal Peter’s unearthly hour arrival the following dawn. Nana Plaza will likely still be there the next day!!

 

Now some of you may see a few nights at a Suite in the Landmark as a frivolous expense. However, I reckon I earn this over indulgence and pampering with all the work I do and the stuff I have to put up with. I also calculate that I get about 20 days off in the entire year so I have no expensive annual vacation with air fares and so forth thus, to me, this is justified expenditure. Mrs. Boss tends to disagree and cannot understand why I do not stay somewhere more economical but then as you will soon learn Mrs. Boss extravagances make mine pale into insignificance.

 

As you will remember last week I managed the attention seeking feat of breaking my foot. I hobbled around for a couple of days, as a result of the sprained ankle rather than the broken bone, and then all was well. I will be eternally grateful for the complete lack of concern shown by most of you through this ordeal. I did, however, receive considerable sympathy from my youngest son who regularly stood on my foot and asked after every occasion “is it better now?” Mmmm, the healing process will be a long one if this behaviour continues unabated!!

 

My mobility restored I decided to tackle the remainder of the garden on Saturday. Without being asked or made any promises both my sons pitched in to help and worked long and hard with dear old Dad. Mrs. Boss likes to plant things, I know not what they are and care even less. All I know is these things, plants I believe they are called, require holes to be dug and the result of this is various mounds of earth liberally scattered on the lawn around these holes. The earth is then left for weeks to dry in the sun and embed itself nicely into the lawn. Mrs. Boss has now managed 14 such masterpieces and it was the surrounding earth that we endeavoured to remove at the weekend. Given I was attempting to save as much of the grass hidden below as possible this removal work had to be undertaken mainly by hand and was, thus, a long and painstaking task, especially with the burning sun beating down on us. Having started at around 08:00 I eventually finished at 18:30 – the boys, bless them, gave up a couple of hours earlier. Anyway, it was all done and I was rather proud of my achievement.

 

We now move to our swimming pool, well the swimming pool surround to be more precise. We had asked for wooden decking to be placed as a walk way around the pool and our contractors duly obliged. However, this is Thailand and unless you stand watching every move a workman makes then you are going to end up with a bloody awful job – we let the contractors do this unsupervised! The result was the decking placed on wet concrete and then “nailed” down. Now even with my limited knowledge of anything manual I know the concrete will give, the nails will inevitably come loose and the decking will become displaced. I reckoned on it lasting 6 months – I was wrong, it lasted two! We therefore recalled the contractors who had no choice but to return – we still had B200,000 of their money!! They turned up and removed all of the decking, cleared up very nicely and then the next day, when we were here at work, returned to fill the surround with concrete prior to putting on a sandstone finish.

 

Can you possibly understand the way I felt when on returning home to look at my recently repaired lawn that had caused me almost 20 hours work over two days, a sprained ankle and a broken foot was now covered in bloody concrete? – no not little droplets here and there, bloody great mounds of the stuff all over the sodding lawn. WHY? Mrs. Boss immediately called the contractor and I wrestled the phone off her for a few seconds which was sufficient time for me to hurl a barrage of abuse at said contractor and although I doubt he understood a word of it at least some of my tension was dissipated!!

 

To add to my jolly mood I then noticed that the very large pond to the front of the house had been destroyed. I missed it initially with all the excitement over the mounds of cement on the lawn but now it was there and I stood in shock. Wh…….wha…….WHAT THE F*CK I eventually managed to utter as I stood pointing at an enormous great hole measuring approximately 5 meters x 3 meters and some one meter plus deep. “Oh that, didn’t I tell you?” chirps up Mrs. Boss “I didn’t like the pond so I told them to get rid of it”. This cost us B100,000 only two months ago and now I have this woman who abuses me for spending B4000 a night to stay at the Landmark in Bangkok telling me she ‘just changed her mind’ over something that cost B100,000 – incredible, quite incredible!!!

 

So as you can see my dear readers my life remains a constant torment. Even when everything on the hotel front is serene life still finds a way to shove a bloody great spanner in the works!

 

TO BE CONTINUED……….

Edited November 29, 2006 by cookie

[Cennn3 0]

What a life. I hope you enjoy your break seems like you need it.

[Kev 178]

Ummm Basil (whoops Cookie),

 

Enjoying it so far. Hope you have a good holiday at the Landmark (where ever that may be in Bangkok).

 

Don't stress too much.

 

Kev

 

[ben99 0]

My advice - stay in the Landmark and don't go back to Pattaya

 

I'll pray for you and your sanity

[python 27]

cookie,

 

A great read and very amusing.

 

Thanks for taking the time.

 

Best regards,

[wombat51 5]

Cookie,

 

Many thanks for your reports which, for me, have become the highlight of my

visits to the board.

[aj27 0]

j03,

 

Did PT get the boat from SJ in the end?

 

How many clean sheets for Mrs T?

 

Hope to hear from you soon on alan.jeffries@hp.com

[Sanget 26]

Kevin:

 

I am interested in your hotel. It sounds like the right atmosphere for me and posssibly for a friend who would be a newbiee. I have been unable to locate it however, and have tried finding a web site for you (http://www.jasminemansion.com)? Can you tell me where you ae and what is in your proximituy. I think you might be on Soi Bukao or near Soi Diana. Am I correct? Thanks

[Montydog 135]

Kevin:

 

I am interested in your hotel. It sounds like the right atmosphere for me and posssibly for a friend who would be a newbiee. I have been unable to locate it however, and have tried finding a web site for you (http://www.jasminemansion.com)? Can you tell me where you ae and what is in your proximituy. I think you might be on Soi Bukao or near Soi Diana. Am I correct? Thanks

 

This seems to work;

 

http://www.jasminemansion.com/site/

[Shuggy 8]

Kevin:

 

I am interested in your hotel. It sounds like the right atmosphere for me and posssibly for a friend who would be a newbiee. I have been unable to locate it however, and have tried finding a web site for you (http://www.jasminemansion.com)? Can you tell me where you ae and what is in your proximituy. I think you might be on Soi Bukao or near Soi Diana. Am I correct? Thanks

 

 

I stayed at Jasmin Mansions on my newbie trip and Kevin really did look after me. Its a great place to stay whether you are a newbie or an old hand.

[glynbuk 29]

great stuff and thanks for continuing it

[cookie 1]

Issue 9….

 

Well I thought I would pen a few lines before the festive season gets into full flow and I become submerged under a sea of suitcases and surrounded by bleary eyed travelers as they arrive and depart the Land of Smiles. I would like to take this opportunity to say thank you to all of you who have read my Diary so far and especially those who have made complimentary comments and are therefore responsible for pushing my ego through the ozone layer thus reducing the lifespan of our planet even further!

 

I have now been here in Pattaya as a permanent resident exactly two years; arriving a few days before Christmas 2004 with that wonderful feeling of freedom having left the stresses of the UK behind me. I looked forward to semi retirement i.e. doing enough to keep the little grey cells in working order but generally being an overseer a few days a week at the hotel; no more than that would surely be required. The rest of the time I would read, write, lay by the pool, go to the beach, play with my children, travel around Thailand and neighbouring countries, study, learn to play golf and anything else that came to mind – well I would have the time for this and more besides wouldn’t I?

 

WRONG

 

I could not actually have been more wrong had I deliberately set out to be so. I did not have a clue. Everything I had imagined evaporated in a matter of weeks and I am here today working 100 hour weeks as a norm and having done so little of the non-work related activities I had planned. I have been a receptionist, room maid, painter and decorator, waiter, maintenance man, cook, personnel officer, night security guard, accountant, manager, sales and marketing executive, general dogs-body as well as Mien Host! I feel as though I have employed more people in these past two years than General Motors and am scared to death to check the records in case this intended throwaway line is proved to be accurate!

 

My complete and utter ignorance of what to expect as an ex-pat business owner knew no bounds. My understanding of Thai people and their culture was zero. My business plan lays shriveled on my desk sitting their mocking me – I dare not throw it away as it serves to remind me of my ignorance. How did I get it so wrong? My wife is Thai and we had lived together for many years. I had traveled to Thailand over 30 times and in total must have been here over 100 weeks including a full two month stay in 2001/2002. Quite amazingly, but rather obvious to me now, is the fact that throughout all of those visits I had learnt absolutely nothing that would help me to live and work here.

 

Over the past two years I have had to learn how to deal with people in a completely different way and I am still getting it wrong on a regular basis. I have had to change the way I think, the way I react, the way I talk, the tone of my voice. I have had to learn to smile when to strangle would be more natural; to speak softly when a roar would have been more appropriate to the former me; to tolerate levels of inefficiency that beggar belief; to accept that an appointment made for a certain time may mean the person you are meeting does not even turn up let alone arrives several hours late. In short I have had to put over 50 years worth of behavioral skills and over 30 years business skills into the waste bin and develop an entirely new and different set of values. Only those of you who live AND work here will understand exactly what I mean but I doubt there is one ex-pat here from the West that has not had to undergo a similar personal metamorphosis in order to succeed and prosper.

 

I have failed to master the language and this is my biggest regret of the last two years. It is certainly not through the lack of trying though – it is presumably because when it comes to learning another language I do not have the necessary tools in my locker. I have studied at a school in a one on one situation, I have read books; listened to tapes; paid attention to what Thai people around me are saying in an effort to pick up the odd words or phrases; asked my children to help me; watched Thai television (a job on its own I can tell you) and anything else I believed may assist me. I doubt I know more than 100 Thai words and none of them would fit together to make a meaningful sentence. I am going to have to put my lack of mental capacity to the test once more though and in 2007 my main goal will be to be able to converse, even to a basic level, in Thai.

 

Despite my annoying lack of perfection and the fact I am on a totally different track than that envisaged when I bade farewell to those ‘white cliffs’ two years ago I am rather proud of what I have achieved in this time. It is not easy to move from one country to another and to settle into a different culture and lifestyle. It is not for everyone and I know many who have tried and eventually given up and gone home. I do not blame them nor do I criticise them – going back is probably an even harder action to take although far, far better than ploughing on when you are unsettled and unhappy.

 

Make no mistake about it Thailand is a tough place for a foreigner to live and work; the authorities do not make it any easier and at times one feels as though they could just whip the entire carpet from under your feet. Add to this the fact that since my arrival here Thailand has been affected by a Tsunami; Bird Flu; Southern Unrest; large scale anti Government demonstrations; a Military Coup and, now, simmering post coup unease PLUS constant financial, visa and property regulation changes negatively affecting foreigners wanting to visit, invest or reside here.

 

However, regardless of the difficulties there is a real pleasure to be taken from being here. All of us in business need to give ourselves a congratulatory pat on the back from time to time as we continue to move forward and to enjoy and relish the little victories we secure from time to time. Whilst we may complain, moan and groan and generally feel frustrated by the manner in which things are done, or not done as is often the case, we need to accept that this is NOT our country, we have chosen to live here and the onus is upon us to adapt to the manner in which Thailand operates and not the other way around.

 

As I write this I am finding myself amused by the fact that we always reflect as a year draws to its conclusion. We rarely reflect, say, in July or August, now why is that? After all going from 31st December to 1st January is exactly the same as going from, for example, 31st July to 1st August, you just move another day ahead each time. Well this is the way it appears to be and it affects me the same as everyone else. The year is closing down and the lid ready to be placed atop the bin with a new year brimming with all of the things one hopes for sitting their eagerly waiting to burst into bloom.

 

I will return in the New Year to regale you with the no doubt endless tales of mishap and general mayhem that will inevitably occur over the next couple of weeks. However, before I bid you farewell for 2006 I want to share with you one of my favourite stories of the year.

 

One of my regular customers, let’s call him Dick, is a true and self admitted Butterfly. Dick is a handsome chap who combines his good looks with some real charm and thus is very popular with the ladies here. He is polite, courteous, charming and generous and the Thai ladies truly love Dick. Anyway, one night on a recent visit he was out on the town and enjoying some time in a Pattaya Discotheque. He saw a very beautiful and sexy lady, well dressed and with a beaming smile aimed directly at him. Dick weaved his way towards this vision of loveliness and said hello and she mouthed a Sawasdee in return – the noise of the music drowning out their words. Using hand signals he asked if she wanted a drink, she pointed to a coke and off he went to fetch her drink after ushering her to his table. They looked at each other longingly for several minutes over their drinks but Dick could not make himself heard or hear his muses voice so suggested the leave the disco and go to a bar outside – again all by hand signs to make himself understood. The girl eagerly nodded her agreement; they finished their drinks and departed. They went to a bar on the other side of the road and Dick asked the girl what drink she wanted and she wrote down COKE on a piece of paper. The girl was deaf and dumb!!!!!! He spent several hours talking to her – she could lip read English very well – as she wrote notes in reply!!!!!!!! Dick still sees her from time to time as a friend but cannot help but think he would have been better off staying in the disco with her that first night when the music rendered them both deaf and dumb!

 

Peace, prosperity and all my very best wishes to each and every one of you for 2007 and beyond.

 

Kevin

 

TO BE CONTINUED………………